100 Ways to ANNOY Voldemort
by ErikandChristine
Summary: Update as of December! ! I know you guys have been waiting but Christy is back at the most annoying death eater EVER and Voldemort is all set to be annoyed. I've risen from the dead to bring you this update.
1. Chapter 1

I smiled up at the grand mansion excitedly. I looked at my uncle and slid my hand into his. I saw him uncomfortably and that made me even happier. This was going to be sooo much fun.

Together my uncle and me walked up the pathway and past the creaky gates and finally reached the porch. The house was surrounded by hedges that grew higher than the tallest tower. It was obvious no one had lived here in quite a while and if they did they never really took care of the outside appearance. The door was wooden and polished that it seemed to shine in whatever sunlight could get past the hedges. I noticed the snake carving on the handle and reached out my hand to knock it when my uncle grabbed my hand.

"No, I shall knock," my uncle said grimly it was the first thing he had said to me on the way here. I was estatic.

"Ok," I agreed I had to really butter up to my uncle if I wanted o meet my role model. I saw my uncle's hand shake as he rapped the door three times.

It was a long pause before the door opened slowly pouring our light from inside. Impatiently I waited for my uncle to step in first and when I went inside I was blown away. The house sure was unkempt outside but it was heavenly inside. Mirrors outlined the wall, red velvet wall-to-wall carpeting, peachish silver paint, grand chandeliers hanging from everywhere. To large staircases against the far sidewalls opposite to each other.

I stood there with my mouth hanging open as I marveled at all the little details.

"Lucius." I spun around to see who had addressed my uncle and saw my role model himself! My uncle or should I say Lucius Malfoy, knelt down on the floor and bowed his head down.

"Dark Lord, Your Majesty." My uncle drawled.

The Dark Lord, a.k.a. my role model, nodded in approval and my uncle stood up stiffly. "I see you have finally arrived with our little guest you promised. Your niece was it?"

"Yes-," my uncle began but I cut him off. I was finally going to meet the man I have worshiped all my life. I squeal with delight inside my self.

"Yes, I'm his niece," is step forward and acknowledge myself. I elbowed my uncle out of the way and offered my hand to Voldemort. "My name's Christine Malfoy, but my friends call me Christy."

He looked at my hand awkwardly I moved it closer to him hoping he'd shake it, but he edged away like I had a disease. I put my hand down sadly but masked it with a smile and looked up at him expectantly.

"I-," I caught him off quickly.

"Oh I know your name. Tom Marvolo Riddle, eh? Anyway I'll call you Tom if you call me Christy." I smiled sweetly at him.

"Uh..uh..um..," my uncle stammered pulling me back. "Your Majesty Christine was only kidding, right Christine?" he glared down at me.

"Uh no I wasn't uncle I'm really gonna call him Tom…but if he preferred Tommy…," my grin spread wider across my face.

My uncle glared at me again and I glared right back, I mean what was the big deal. We looked at Voledemort, his face was red, oooh he was really angry. I was laughing inwardly.

To patch things up I shoved my uncle away and bowed my head at Voldemort. When I put my head back up I began to speak to him as if he were really royalty, hmm I should've done that first….nah.

"I'm your biggest fan. I have pictures of you and all the newspaper articles of you and everything. I even have a plush doll that looks like you. I am so glad Uncle Lucius is giving me the honor of being a death eater even though I'm just 18." I started laughing evilly and stepped back to see his new expression.

Voldemort growled under his breath and gave a dirty look at Uncle Lucius. "Come with me I want to talk to you in the den and you," he pointed at me, "I'll have Belatrix show you to your room, seeing as you'll be……(he gulped) staying with us. I welcome you to our death eater group."

I squealed with delighted and jumped enthusiastically, "Yeah! Do you have jackets?"

Voldemort grumbled and before he could comment on my request for jackets Belatrix apparated right in front of me. "Aah,"I jumped back in surprise and began smirking, "Oooh is that what we get to do, apparate right in front of people. Awesome!"

I apparated right in front of Voldemort, he jumped back startled, I began laughing hysterically at him, "Oh Tom your hilarious. I just wanted to say bye-," I apparated instantly to follow Belatrix.


	2. Chapter 2

I sighed triumphantly as I opened the bedroom door. Belatrix moved inside the room to give me a better look. I gasped. No, it wasn't a gasp of delight and amazement, but Belatrix thought so.

"Oh, I'm glad you like it. It's all we can get. Of course we death eaters can't really go up to a market and buy new furniture."

I looked at her with my mouth wide open in disgust, "Like it? Do you think I like it. No siree that was a gasp of disgust. I mean look at this place!" I screeched pointing to the two four poster beds leaning against opposite walls, a half broken door to the bathroom, a cracked window and smeared glass door to the balcony. There was dust and cobwebs outlining every nook and cranny. The paint on the walls was peeling off.

Groaning I plopped myself down the bed. "Aaaah!" I screamed as I sunk through the mattress.

"Sorry, forgot to warn you the mattress's do that sometimes….ha ha." I glared at her as she laughed at me.

"Christine! What happen-," my uncle burst into the room. He was a mess, it was obvious he had yelling from Voldemort.

"Uggh, I'm fine," I grumbled as I picked my self up. I had left a mark in the bed. I cringed again and pouted to my uncle, "Uncle Lucius look at this. It's pitiful. I mean the outside is wonderful, why couldn't our rooms be wonderful? Tom's on welfare isn't he." I put my hands across my chest angrily.

Uncle Lucius gasped, "Don't say that Christy. Never. The Dark Lord will know. He always knows."

I rolled my eyes, "Oh for pete sakes uncle, he isn't God, he's just Tom Marvalo Riddle. That's it, nothing more." I said his name slowly with emphasis.

Lucius went purple (you know I do think that's a good shade for him), "Don't say his name. Belatrix, please help the dear girl. Christy if you don't survive I wont give a penny if you die. You're on your own now girl." With that he left the room shaking his head pitifully.

Belatrix rounded on me, "Well girl you heard him. I'm going to be teaching you and beside I have to tell you the rules, being a new death eater, and I am your room mate now too." She muttered under her breath.

I let out another gasp. Belatrix eyed me carefully, "You better stop that, you sound like some one's choking you."

I ignored her, "You're my new room mate?" I asked shocked.

"Yeah, I'm afraid so. So let me let out the rules right now:

1) Don't leave hair in the tub after you take a shower. Yes some of us take a shower." She said looking at my shocked expression.

2) I am not going to clean up after you, so better keep clean.

3) Laundry goes out every Friday; roommates take turns doing the laundry. You can start first. Ooh and lookie here, today's Friday.

4) Death eaters do not get holidays off, have vacations, or allowed to take sick days. Don't look at me like that, I don't make the rules. Hey put that DOWN…..

5) You are to have 4 sets of robes. One for work. One for when your not working and a casual set of robes. A pair for death eater meetings. And another should be dress robes, for when we have victory parties. Don't look so excited, we haven't had a chance to use them.

6) You must have a mask. It will be worn when you are out on duty. If you take it off and a survivor recognizes you…well, just start running…

7) You should have your wand with you everywhere you go. Yes even when you taking a bath….Yeah even when your wearing a spandex out fit………… don't give me that look. Hey I tried once………..yeah I wore spandex once…….. what do you mean by that……….why you little………My butt is not too big to rip through………. your disgusting…

8) Uh and any other kind of equipment you may want to use for battles is fine…. I think…

9) No death eater shall smile unless Voldemort allows you too or when he smiles…..Why are you smiling. Stop IT!

10) No death eater can play happy music,., actually any music at all.

11) You must be excellent at Dark Arts, killing, spying, thievery, dancing etc.

12) You can't kill another death eater without a good reason… making them mad is not a reason, it just shows you have anger management problems….Um… Hey…. I was kidding….don't point that at me…..OW my eye…..

13) You must answer to Voldemort and come to him immediately when he calls, uh if you're talking a bath just put a bath robe on first….. what do you mean if you don't want to…..

14) A death eater must be pureblooded.

Yeah and I think that's it."

I stifled a yawn, "Finally, that took a long time. Now lets go get some chow I'm hungry."

"Wait," she grabbed my hand as I made for the door. " One last thing, don't call him Tom. Ever." She looked into my eyes, she gave a blue piercing stare, man I felt my eyes water.

"Why not?" I smirked.

She twisted my wrist, "Because I don't want anyone calling him that especially a girl."

I looked at her suspiciously and broke into a laugh, "Why not a girl." I saw her face redden. "Oh wow, you have the hots for him. Don't you?" I laughed so hard my stomach began to hurt. When I finally calmed down I took a deep breath and walked over to the full length mirror.

I had shoulder length straight brown hair. My skin was milky soft and light. My eyes were a piercing olive green outlined with long eyelashes. I had a curvy figure . I was in other words a mouth dropping beauty. No, I'm not bragging but I've been told that to many times not to be immodest. I looked great in every colour from bright to dull. Anyone would fall for me. I realized why Belatrix was so worried.

"You like him, no you love him." I cooed I smiled evilly.

"Don't say that, he'll hear you." She whispered hoarsely.

I leaned in towards here whispering, "News flash: HE CAN'T HEAR YOU!" I screamed the last bit out.

She gasped loudly. "Now you really shouldn't do that, you sound like some one's choking you." I said shaking my head in disapproval.

Her face became red, she took a few steps towards me with her hand clamped tightly around her wand. "Now, now, rule number 12 clearly states you can't kill another death eater without an expectable reason." I said taking a step back.

"Uggggh," she growled swinging her wand across the room. It was like a boomer rang and went right back at her and knocked her wildly across the back of her head.

"Tsk tsk tsk. Now who has the anger management problems, eh?" I smiled evilly. Maybe having Belatrix as a roommate wont be so bad after all….


	3. Chapter 3

I sighed and heard my tummy growl. Man am I hungry, uncle Lucius barely gave enough food before coming here.

**Flashback**

"_Uncle Lucius, can't I eat anymore." I whined._

"_No, and that's final." He stated._

"_Well at least give me the scraps." I exclaimed._

"_No they're too good for you. But the dogs can eat it." He said carelessly. _

_I flared. "Too good for me!" I screeched and paused to think, "Uncle Lucius you don't even have dogs!"_

"_Oh," he murmured thoughtfully. "Oh well," he shrugged and threw whatever food I had in the garbage can._

"_Ugggh. Why are you starving me!" I screamed. "I'm not Draco, I don't look good with a scrawny and pointy face. No matter how many times you starve him, he'll never look good and nor is he going to lose that baby FAT!"_

_Uncle Lucius looked at me and narrowed his eyes, "Damn child, I'm trying to work up an appetite for you. Your going to more than enough food, there."_

"_Fine." I grumbled…._

**End Flashback**

Hmm, I still starving and I still haven't gotten any food. Damn uncle Lucius. Wait till I get him. I told him, I didn't want to be like his son!

Sill flaring I pounded down the stairs to the den, where I saw Voldemort. I smirked. Pausing at the last step I saw that he was gazing stupidly into the fireplace, which actually had a fire running in the middle of September!

Shrugging I apparated, Poof.

Poof. I reappeared right beside Voldemort. "Aaah, not again!" he stumbled backwards.

I looked at him as if he were crazy but changed that deranged expression to a smile. 50 watt. Hopefully convincing.

"Hellooo Tom." I said in a sing a song voice. I saw his hand clench into a fist. Purrfect. "Don't you love apparating? It's wonderful! I'm so glad I got my apparating license!"

Ignoring the repetitive usage of exclamation marks Voldemort grumbled.

"Yeah," I said pretending he agreed with me. "(Sigh) Hey! Wanna see me apparate?"

He narrowed his eyebrows, wait he had hair somewhere. OMG! This is amazing we should have the Daily Prophet here. Hair, and on Voldemort! Wow! Kodak Moment.

Ignoring my new revelation I began to apparate.

Poof. Gone!

Poof. On the couch. "Wheee!"

Poof. Gone!

Poof. By the fireplace. "Why is the fire running?"

Poof. Gone!

Poof. On the front door. _Ding Dong!_

Poof . Gone!

Poof. By front door. "Oh who can that be." Opens door.

Poof Gone!

Poof. Reappears outside of door. "Oh thank whoever opened the door for me!"

I began to giggle feverishly. "Heehehhe," mind you that all happened in a matter of seconds so trust me it was very annoying. Voldemort looked about ready to blow. "Wow! That was fun." I exclaim and stand sideways in front of him and begin filing my nails, pretending not to notice his vein looks ready to pop.

"So Tom, when do we eat? Do you think I should do another layer of nail polish, it looks a little thin, but I don't want to make it too thin…. OMG Tom your eyes are glowing red. Are they contacts? Where can I get some?"

If you were there, well you wouldn't want to be there. You practically see the smoke coming out of his ears. "You can go APPARATE to the dining room or go through that DOOR!" He bellowed pointing to the door at he far end of the den. Hmm how convenient its so obvious why didn't I notice it before…. Come to think of it I did notice it before, but asking doesn't hurt?

"AND I DON'T CARE WHAT COLOR OF NAIL POLISH YOU WANT TO PUT ON!"

I look at slightly taken aback. I open my mouth to say something but he continues to scream.

"AND NO THEY ARENT CONTACTS. THEY'RE MY EYES!" he's breathing heavily now.

I stand up to my full height and look him in the eye.

"WELL EXCUSE ME. MR. BIG SHOT. THEY SURE AS HECK DON'T LOOK LIKE EYES. THEY LOOK LIKE SOMETHING A COW BARFED UP."

"THEN WHY'D YOU ASKED WHER I GOT THE 'CONTACTS' FROM? HUH?" He shouted.

"FIRST SAY IT DON'T SPARY IT! AND I THOUGHT MAYBE THEY'D HAVE IT IN ANOTHER COLOR! SHEESH TOM!"

"HEY I'LL SPARY IT I F I WANT TO, AND SORRY I'M NOT PYSHICH!"

"EWW MY CLOTHES! THIS SPIT IS LIKE ACID IT BURNS AND YOU ARE THE GREATEST AT OCCLUMENCY. HELLO? AND SECOND I ASKED IF I SHOULD HAVE ANOTHER LAYER O FNAILPOLISH NOT COLOUR!"

"WELL DO YOU THINK I PAYED ATTENTION?" He screeched.

"BUT I LIKE EGGS!"

"I-what? WHAT DO BLOODY EGGS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?"

"I DON'T KNOW, BUT I LIKE EGGS!"

"I DON'T CARE."

"Do you care about me?" I asked sweetly.

He looked down at me and glared. "No!"

Well, just you wait you will be caring about me, and everything I do. Hehehe, just you watch…

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**Okay this chapter was a bit lousy, but as you can see I am a bit tired. Please review if you like it, hate it,or simply want to burn it because ithas mentally scarred you for life. (Yawn) If you have any ideas please feel free to share them I'm hoping to get a few more reviews out of 60 hits 2 people reviewed. Yes it says 3 because one person did twice for both chapters. Now please review I must sleep as tomorrow is my birthday. Yes, my birthday is on Dec. 31. Well Happy New Year and As Ta La Vista.**


	4. Chapter 4

I smiled happily at the outcome of becoming a death eater. All the death eaters were sitting on a long table sheeted in a soft color of a maroon tablecloth outlined in a gold trim. There were black fresh cut flowers, with a fresh lively look and a fragrance of wild flowers. Plates were set with elegant plates shining in the light of the with gold framed chandelier. It was hanging beautifully from the peach colored ceiling with paintings of moving dragons, gracefully placed around the chandelier and using their flames to light the candles on the candelabras on the chandelier.

I had to admit Voldemort had quite a taste, hopefully the food was as good, but I couldn't understand why our rooms weren't as good.

Fuming I perked up as the house elves aparated with the meal. The main course was salmon and onion sauté with a cream sauce special. The next meal had a plate of rice with a mixture of spices and authentic cultural specialties. **(A/N: okay must stop, making myself hungry. No have to keep going…) **The dessert was chocolate mousse and a side of straw berries with whipped cream, with extra slices of triple chocolate fudge cake.

With my food piled up repeatedly taking seconds, thirds, and twenty-fourths…. just kidding, but trust me I took a lot of helpings, well with all this to keep me preoccupied I barely I noticed Voldemort take his place at the head of the table. When I finished I gushed at how full I was to Belarix, unfortunately we had to sit with our roommates too.

Belatrix , surprisingly, agreed and went on about how much she loves seafood. It was her favorite and blah blah blah. I don't really like seafood but with uncle Lucius starving me, I could put my hate aside. Anyway Belatrix kept going on, I wasn't paying attention, I was basically looking past her, at Voldemort.

I nodded a few times to act as if I was listening to her. I saw Voldemort shovel his mouth with the chocolate mousse. I screwed up my face in disgust.

"Yeah, I don't like the soft shrimp either, I like 'em crispy." Belatrix said nodding as she saw my repulsed expression.

Nodding I looked to face her instead of Voldemort. No matter how much he ate, he still skinny, I read in _Death Eater Special, _a new magazine, that rumor has it Voldemort may be anorexic. Hmm, maybe it's true-

_BANG!_

A red spark from Voldemort's wand interrupted my thoughts. Sigh, Voldemort/anorexia, will have to be a mystery never explained.

Catching everyone's attention, all the death eaters faced him, and the food disappeared. A few groaned but stopped abruptly to face Voldemort. Wow they are afraid. Sigh, _some_ death eaters.

Seeing that everyone's eyes were on him he began his speech. I leaned back in my chair so if I fell asleep during his monologue my neck won't ache as much if its resting on my chair.

Everyone else sat up straight with focused eyes to listen to him, Belatrix glared at my lazy position.

"My fellow friends," he began I scoffed loudly, everyone turned to look, with worried expressions. Expecting to see blood they were shocked as Voldemort ignored me and continued, fine if that's the way he wants it.

"I am glad you have come at my call. This is the death eater house, where all of you will stay because no one knows we are here. It is known to be an abandoned mansion. To the wizarding world they will only see a demolished land. They can only see the house if someone sees a death eater entering the house an then it will appear before their eyes."

I sat up listening intently. I could use this information in the future.

"The muggles will see this as a boarded abandoned house. So no one can track us down here, well they can't suspect us here."

Standing up he motioned another death eater to do as well. As he stood I saw who he really was. The greasy hair, crooked nose, pinched lips, sickly pale skin, and unfashionable robes it was Severus Snape.

"Severus, has under a binded curse destroyed the old fool, Dumbledore," he said slimily, I noticed Snape's hand clench. "Even though Draco was appointed this role he did find a brilliant way to transport the death eaters inside Hogwarts."

At Draco's name I searched the table for the fiend, my childhood-no not sweet heart, childhood enemy. Ever since the day he called my filthy blooded, we've had fights repeatedly and I still haven't gotten him back for giving my boyfriend my- well it's a little hard to say, lets just leave it at personal belonging. **(A/N: Reviewers can guess and give me some idea, because I myself don't know.)**

Not being able to find him pouted subtly and slouched in my chair again.

"Now for this special outcome, we are going to have a death eater, how should I put this, party. Yes a party." He said coolly, and mused as everyones face lit up. "Now we'll have it tommorow, in the ball room and please tell your roommates, for those who know, where the ball room is. So no one comes asking me." He looked pointedly at me and I smirked happily as if I had amnesia and had no idea what he was giving me a dirty look for.

Moving his gaze away from me. "Now that, that is said have your refreshments and make your plans." In an instant beautiful clear wine glasses appeared before us. Acroos the table different drinks were lined up. I took the butter beer.

I smiled as I felt the liquid melt warmly into my mouth. The sugary goodness made me feel a little high, hehehe. Never give me sugar…..

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**(Sigh) How wonderful we have Christy high on butterbeer. What has the world come to, who has made this insanity take place…..Oh wait this is my fic. Whoops. Well this chapter wasn't meant for funnies, just an intro on what will take place tomorrow. Well make your guesses on what personal item Malfoy took of Christy and don't forget to review, I'm hoping to get as many as I got last time. If you have any suggestions feel free to tell me.**

**Sneak Peek on what you're in for later on:**

**I smirked at Voldemort as his blood pressure began to rise. The death Eaters gasped and aparated in a flash I was shaken by the loud cracks they left behind. **

"**That's enough out of you," Voldemort fumed. Pushing back his chair he pointed his wand at me. **

**I opened my eyes in terror…..**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank for the grand reviews I'm glad you enjoy it. The inspiration of the randomness of "I like eggs." Came from MinervaEvenstar, another excellent author. Thank you Minerva.**

**Well here is the next update. Remember we have dear Christy high on Butterbeer.**

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I smiled indulgently and watched as everyone else took their drinks and drank them while talking to one other, making sure they weren't laughing to hard.

Belatrix raised her hand, I thought this weird but the rest seemed used to it. Shrugging I watched as Voldemort nodded to her to state her question.

"When will we have our next death ester meeting, your Highness." She said in a sweet. Yet bitter, voice.

"(Cough) suck up (cough)" I said and coughed.

She gave me a dirty look I ignored her and chugged down my butterbeer reaching for another drink, I mean a few can't hurt, can't they, hehehehe.

Acting as if I wasn't there Voldemort answered, "You will be informed until further notice."

I took another chug at my butterbeer, I had a milk mustache thing happening I wiped it with my sleeve. A few people grimaced. I belched loudly-

"BUUUURRRRRPPPP" I wiped my mouth again, "Better out than in that's what I always say." I grinned. I don't actually say that a lot, actually I never said it before, I must be watching too many muggle movies.

Rubbing my tummy, signaling I was full, I slouched in my chair. A few death eaters glanced my way to see what I was about to do next, well they were going to have the show of their life.

I raised my hand as Belatrix did. Voldemort pretended he didn't see me and began talking to uncle Lucius. Fine if that's how he was going to act.

I stood up and waved both my arms. He continued to ignore me. A few sniggered.

Rolling my eyes I picked a loaf of bread and stood in a throwing position and threw it at Voldemort.

THUNK. It sounded loudly as it hit smack in his face.

"WHAT TH-," he started but I being drunk and high on butterbeer burped again.

"BUUUURRRRPPPPP!" I smiled again. "Whhopsie, well at least I have your attention….Tom."

A few people gasped and looked to see how Volemort would react. He was billowing in rage.

"What do you want?" he said slowly breathing heavily.

"Hmm, I- oh wait, I forgot."

He groaned and sat back down in his chair.

"Oh now I remember-oh no no, sorry false alarm."

After a few seconds of annoyingly tapping my fingers on the table I remembered, "Oh okay now I remember. Why don't you have a cool scar?"

Complete silence, no one moved they didn't even dare to look at him.

Without waiting for his answer I continued, "And why can't the dark mark be more socially acceptable? I mean come on it doesn't even look like a tattoo." I complained.

I stood patiently waiting my answer. The clock on the mantle echoed….tick tock tick tock.

"What happened cat got your tounge?" I said sweetly in a high chirpy voice.

"AARRGH, THAT'S IT." I stepped around the table towards me. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU NOW CHRISTINE."

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**Well it gets better please remember to review...**


	6. Chapter 6

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU CHRISTINE!" He stepped around the table to face me.

I flicked my wand so an old fashioned tape player so old fashioned western show down music played in the background. Voldemort ignored it.

He took a step forward.

Old western showdown music plays. Ta da da….

I take a step forward.

Ta da da da….

He flips out his wand.

Ta da ta da…

I flip out my wand and see that I dropped it. Oh shit.

I flip my luscious hair.

Ta da da….

He squints his eyes.

Ta da da….

I wink both eyes so fast it looks like I have a lazy eye.

Ta da da…

We are now nose to nose.

Ta da da…

"Oh shut that damn thing off!" He screeched.

I backed away, "OK OK! Jeez." I pick up my wand and wave it. The tape player vanishes.

"I'm not deaf!" He gives me a wary look.

"Uncle Lucius thinks the same thing. He went to get me a hearing test…" I babble on.

"Christine…" he says loudly.

"But I said he was dumb for thinking that. I mean I listen all the time…"

"CHRISTINE….."

"Yet he was all yeah you have ta…."

"CHRISTINE I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"And I was all no I don't, but he was all I'm gonna beat you with a stick. And I was all I can sue you sorry ass … I'm sorry were you saying something."

"Uh..uh My Lord. Please forgive her. She's a little hyper, a little high…" Uncle Lucius surprisingly said speaking up for me.

Voldemort looked me in the eye. "Are you? How many drinks did you have?"

"Uh.." I stammered. "Let's see, one, three, uh…six."

"I'll let you off this time." He sneered stepping so close he breathed in my face.

"Oh.." I muttered loudly, staggering back. I began waving my hands in front of me. "Oxygen, I need air (cough)……Whew. Ever heard of mouth wash. God Almighty, please show this creature to some toothpaste and a brush."

"High, she HIGH. CHRISTINE!" Uncle Lucius shouted to me. "LEAVE NOW!"

"Ok," I sighed rolling my eyes. "I'll let you off this time without shoving some mints down your hole." I sneered.

Before I could hear his reply I had already aparated to my room…..

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**Oh my. Sorry, a little lame, no wait, its so totally lame. I'm sorry it's 12:30 and these ideas popped into my mind. I couldn't get them out without writing first. So, due to my tiredness this may be a little non-funny. I think I may have made a mistake in making the genre humor. Tell me if I'm wrong.**

**Tell me what you think. You guys so far have given me awesome reviews, but I seem to be getting less each day, so please review. **


	7. Chapter 7

I awoke finally the next day** (A/N: Yeah after 6 chapters, oh sorry for interrupting)** with a slight headache. "Oooh," I groaned. I shouldn't have that many drinks to pretend being high on butterbeer. Pretend? Oh did I say pretend… I meant intend… Oh you caught me. Yeah pretend. I "pretended" to be a little drunk. Sigh. Its always fun.

I looked to the right expecting to see Belatrix make a comment on my incisive groaning but found her bed empty as if no one had slept there the whole night. Suddenly I remembered why, I smiled at the memory….

**Flashback**

"_I can't believe the way you acted tonight." Belatrix screeched._

"_Please, please. It was so easy, I'll tell you my techniques if you want. I mean-," she cut me off. How rude!_

"_Techniques? Hello, you could've gotten killed!" She screamed with her face so close to mine, I could make out a few wrinkles… hmm is that a mole… oh back on track._

"_And your point is…" I said casually as if it were no big deal being threatened by the greatest wizard in the world. Hmm, that is a big deal. Oh well._

"_Holy Salazar Slytherin! What to do with you? Oh, just come with me, it's Friday your first day doing the laundry." She grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the room and past the left and right wings of rooms into a separate hallway. _

_She flicked her wand and one of the doors labeled "Laundry" creaked open. A brief soapy mist spewed from the door. _

"_Umm, a little creepy but okay." I shrugged and followed Belatrix inside. The room had a washing basin and sink with a clothes line going across the room. There were tubs of detergent and scrubbing brushes.. _

"_Here it is the "Laundry Room"," Belatrix announced. _

"_Heh. Yeah I kind of realized it with the sign outside the door. Umm, we live in the 21st century. Are you aware of that?" I said facing her with an eyebrow raised. Yeah I finally learned how to do that. Yah!_

"_Yeah I know, I have a wizarding calendar with the little moving pictures- one of them has Spongebob, he's so cute, the itty bitty- aah I mean yeah, yeah I know what century we're living in."_

_Still with my eyebrow raised, I can't put it down, I looked around the room again. "Uh huh, yeah so you know now. Then why are we using this," I pointed to the washing basin. "When we can use this." I wave my wand and transformed it into a modern laundry room, with an actual washing machine and dryer. _

"_Wow! This is amazing!" Belatrix squealed. _

_With my still eyebrow raised, I think it's stuck, I pointed graciously at the washing machine. "Here try it out."_

_She squealed again and began loading the machine. I leaned back against the wall and filed my nails. What? I had to do something. So it turns out I didn't have to do the laundry, Ha!_

"_Umm?" Belatrix stopped, looking confused at the machine._

"_What?" I asked almost scratching the nail polish off my finger._

"_How much detergent do you put in?" _

_Hmm. This could be fun. How much should she put in?_

"_Aaah lets see one cup full of detergent for every item of clothing you put in." I said smirking._

"_But isn't that a lot?" she worriedly._

"_Uh. Excuse me, who's the one who knows how to work the machine?"_

"_You are." She admitted._

"_Who's the one who brought it here?" _

"_You are."_

"_Exactly, so that's how much detergent you put in."_

_She nodded putting a ridiculous amount of detergent in. She pressed start and stood back to watch the clothes move round and round and round in the cycle._

"_Uhh you make sure it doesn't over flow- I mean- that it works properly while I go… somewhere. Seeing as you are mesmerized by the washing machine you properly won't care."_

_I slowly backed away and the locked the door. Silently laughing. Belatrix forgot her wand upstairs so she couldn't do anything._

_**10 minutes later**_

"Help!" I heard pounding on the door as I walked backed to the laundry room. Nobody else was around; most of them had gone to bed. Voldemort put a curfew out. What a dork.

"_Help! Somebody! (Gurgle gurgle) The bubbles! (Gurgle gurgle)." I stepped back to admire my creation. _

_The whole entire hallway was filled with bubbles. Water was flowing out form underneath the door. Sigh. Laundry is so much fun. I turned around calmly. Wait _

_Something was missing. I flicked my wand again. A little pylon appeared next to sign saying "Wet Floor". Yup, perfect…._

**End Flashback**

Laughing I got dressed and tiptoed outside. It was Saturday and apparently Voldemort doesn't intend to wake up early on weekends. Pfft, no wonder he hasn't gotten far into killing Harry Potter.

Shrugging I began roaming the halls before I knew it I was lost in a maze of halls with closed doors all exactly the same. I continued the hall and saw a brilliantly polished door at the end. This was peculiar, none of the other hallways ended this way. Wonder who's room it is?

And BINGO was his nameo! Yes, Voldemort's room. Enter evil laughter here.

Chuckling I knocked the door and aparated to the end of the hallway out of sight. If you can put it together I bet you've guessed I'm playing Knock and Run. Well technically it's Knock and Apparate, but that's not the point.

The door open instantly, if I hadn't put a silent charm on myself I would've laughed my (blanked out due to inappropriate word, oh what the heck, we're all mature) fucking ass off.

He was dressed in pink sleeping robes with a nightcap reaching his shoulder with a little puff ball thing happening at the end. His "robes" were outlined with pictures of powerpuff girls. Disturbed? Horrified? Neither?

His robes were a little short at the bottom and you could see his fuzzy bunny slippers. Fuzzy! Bunny! Whatever part of his head was filled with rollers. Pfft, don't ask me why. I don't where the hair came from to hold it up.

Seeing as no one was visible in the hallway he closed the door and went back in. I waited a few minutes so he could be perfectly snug in his bed, which I bet has powerpuff girls on it too, so it can be equally annoying to get back up when you were prepared to sleep.

_Knock! Knock!_

"What!" the door blasted open again with a jet of blue light streaming out. Thankfully I apparated.

He scanned the hallway and seeing once again he couldn't find anything he slammed the door after him as he went back in.

Haahahaha. Ha. Sighing happily I went up to his door and knocked again. His time I didn't apparate.

The door flew off his hinges as Voldemort ripped it open, well more so hung onto the doorknob and pulled like an idiot. I mean does it really take that much strength to open a door? Hmm, maybe my anorexic theory is correct.

"WHO THE HEL-." He stopped as he saw me. "Oh it's you."

"Yeah well I'm glad to see you too." I said mockingly.

"What do you want?" He said through gritted teeth.

"Hmm, I was wondering how to get out of here to the kitchen. I'm a little lost." I said with a fake smile.

"Was that you at my door? BEFORE?"

I looked at him innocently, "When? No I just came now. Do you want me to knock at your door every single morning?"

He stepped back, "Every. Single. Morning. Uh, no it's okay. Here I'll you show you the way out" he began but I, being me and all, stepped inside his room.

"Ahh thinks for inviting me in," I said pointing to the broken door. I gazed around at his room and was nearly blown away. Before I could get a better look I felt a tug at the back of robes and was pulled out into the dim hallway.

"Hey, hey this is genuine fabric." I whined swatting his hand away. "And you might want to consider hand cream."

His eye twitched repeatedly before he began talking again, "Just take the left hallway-."

"Hey how come you get such a cool room?" I complained ignoring him obviously.

"Because I'm the Greatest Wizard of all time, The Dark Lord, and your eternal master."

"Uh huh. So, listen where'd you get the furniture because I need to redecorate my room." I continued.

"You don't get to REDECORATE your room." He stated.

"Why NOT?"

"You don't DESERVE it. You don't see Lucius getting a fancy room, he's been here much more longer than you."

"Well he doesn't deserve anything, but I do. So can I REDECORATE my room?"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"How long are we going to do this."

"No."

"I don't know, only long enough so the reviewers don't complain the chapter isn't long." "Yes."

"No."

"Wait what did you just say?"

"Yes."

"I don't know?"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"No."

"Yes."

"Ha you fell for it! I mean thanks for saying yes! Yah! Wait until I tell Belarix."

"That was a cheap trick, I demand a rematch!"

"Do you want to go through that again?" I sneered.

"No," he scowled. "Speaking of Belatrix, where is she?"

"Uh….."

Before he could say anything to my demented expression we heard a banging noise and loud footsteps. A dark shadow loomed over the floor I gulped as I turned to look at……

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**No. Not much of a cliffy. Yes six whole pages of sweat and hard work… Okay maybe not. **

**This chapter was extra long because the last one was very short, and I wont be updating for quite a while because I have other fics to update and projects and exams to deal with. Yet, if I can get enough reviews for this chapter I'll post the next one up. Yes I already have the next chapter planned out, so if you want it, please review. **

**I know this chapter isn't really all that funny but I haven't been feeling all that much in a humorous mood this week, but I will try, can't promise, that the next one is funny. I really don't want to change the genre.**

**Oh a little tidbit read my other fic "Harry Potter and he Final Quest" (hint hint, nudge nudge). Well that's all folks.**


	8. Chapter 8

I stifled a gasp as I saw the looming figure step into view. The light pouring from Voldemort's room lighted the angry expression on her face. It was Belatrix…

Voldemort opened his mouth in a distinguished expression. He wrinkled his nose… or what was left of it. "What are you doing Belatrix? Why are you wet?"

She was indeed soaked. She had soap suds everywhere. He clothes were drooping to an extended length as she had apparently taken off her robe. He black hair stuck to her face making her look like a wet dog. Her mascara was faded and there were dark spots under her eyes and on top of her eyelids. Lets just say, I should've aparated for my life.

"This," She said flinging her hand in my direction, spraying me with water, "little prat, locked my in the Laundry Room!"

Voldemort turned to me, "You did? No better question, Why?"

"Uh..," I began racking my brain for an excuse. "I thought she needed a shower, see…" I stepped beside Belatrix and took a big sniff. "Ahh Bounty Fresh, hmm is that spring meadow or after rain scent."

"Christine!"

"Uh, sorry just wondering what my clothes will be smelling like." I shrugged.

Voldemort narrowed his eyes at me, "Why did you lock the door? Wait… Belatrix why didn't you just open it with your wand?"

She looked away from him and hissed a me, "Uh... I forgot it." She stammered.

"Ah Ha!" I stepped in startling both of them. "I wanted to teach her a lesson. She broke rule number…. Seven. Yes, number seven. Now Belatrix I hope you learned a valuable lesson, always keep your wand with you no mater where you are." I said tapping her on the shoulder smiling wisely.

"Oh shut it." She muttered so only I could hear her.

"Ah, well seeing as she has a... perfectly… good explanation. Good day. Go back to your rooms, you're rotting the floor boards. I just had them installed last week." With that he shut the door and I turned to face Belatrix.

"Uh, well I'll see you at breakfast. Bye!" I said in an extremely fast pace and aparated

before she could beat the crap out of me.

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I nearly skipped down the stairs as I headed for the kitchen. Oh. No, not the dining room the kitchen, hahaha.

I opened the door slightly and was greeted by a happy little house elf.

"Uh, hi, little guy in a tea towel." I said.

"Oh, hello. Chrissty mistress." The little house elf said closing the door behind me and inviting me to sit on the little stool.

"Wow, gee thanks, um you're a little happy to be a house elf of Voldemort." I noticed.

The house elf's eyes widened, he clamped his hands over his ears, "No, not that name! Never say it mistress. Yuuca and the others never liked being here, we are only glad you have come." He stopped and a bowed to me.

"Well, thank you… Yuuca. You're glad I'm here?" I said puzzeled.

"Oh, yes yes, Yuuca is glad. You have shown our Dark master he's not great."

I smiled at him and look at the cookies cooling on the stove. I saw the other elves were still busy busling around making the breakfast but conscious of my presence. I stod up and snatched a cookie hungrily. I bit into it, I nearly dropped opened my mouth as I savored the taste of the cookie.

"Wow, these are good, only if we had peanuts." I suggested.

Yuuca gasped horrified at the thought of peanuts. "Peanuts, no no, The Dark master is highly allergic."

"Hmmm, ah I see. Thank you Yuuca. Now you can go back to your work…. I'd like to bake a like treat for breakfast." I smiled evilly.

Yuuca's eyes brightened as he nodded and stepped back to the counter he was working on. Well, this would be fun…

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I was once again seated in my place at the dining room. The other death eaters were whispering about last night. There were happy about it, a few even commented on it to me happily. Yeah, I would fit in nicely…

Voldemort opened the door, no not rip and tear from its hinges, and took his seat at the head of the table. We all began eating once he sat, well at least I did. A few looked at me with a weird look.

"Ahem." Someone managed to cough, I looked to see Belatrix still smelling Bounty fresh, was now beside me.

"What?" I said putting my fork down. "We have to say grace?"

"No, we eat when the Dark Lord does." A meager man, who resembled a mouse…. Aaah Peter Petigrew. Uncle Lucious has told me, well complained really, about him.

I was about to protest but my little surprise later on and this morning's fiasco would be enough. Smiling I nodded and set my fork down in its proper place. Straightened put my plate and looked at up at the "Dark Lord". Voldemort taken aback slightly picked up his fork and began eating.

"Okay, what was the point of stopping? I still don't get it. Whatever." I shrugged and continued eating my food.

Once most of the death eaters were done, Yuuca came in with a large cart stacked with a magnificent cake. I rubbed my tummy happily; hopefully I still had more room. Yuuca, took out the knife and cut out a large piece for Voldemort.

"Imperial Majesty, this cake was made just fresh this morning for your Excellency." He bowed again and handed Voldemort a clean fork.

I watched gleefully as he shoveled his mouth and his eyes light up. He took a few more bites and chewed slowly with a wide grin. In a matter of minutes it was finished. He swallowed carefully. "What a cake, its wonderful. Mmmh, whats this crunchy stuff and making that nice waft smell."

Yuuca bowed again and took one look at me as I nodded encouragingly. "Sir they are peanuts."

Voldemort grin turned to pure horror. "PEANUTS!" he roared. "Who made these?"

He pointed his gray finger at my direction. I stood up smiling. "Yes, I did, I did. Thank you very much."

I stood up and walked to the cake and cut out another piece and placed it in front of him. "Here have another piece."

"Oh, Christine, a cake with peanuts, wonderful. How generous." I heard Bleatrix speak up….odd. I saw as the others agreed and encouraged him to eat it.

"Come on your Magesty." Uncle Lucius urged.

"Uh.." Voldemort stammered.

"Please." I said bating my eyelashes.

"Uh, I can't…" He muttered.

"Why?" I said softly leaning in. "Allergic?"

He looked away. "Aw, does the ickle dark lord have weakness. Oh my!" I sniggered.

"No, no, not a weakness." He stammered. "I can't eat it because…" He looked around the room seeing the Death Eaters eyeing him suspiciously.

"Because I have to paint the house…"

I looked at the walls, "Um, the house was just painted." I stated.

"Uh… Have to paint… the driveway…. It doesn't match with our curb."

He aparated before I could comment on that. "Can you believe that?" I said shaking my head sadly.

"Yeah, I thought our drive way matched with our curb." Pettigrew burst out.

I eyed him and raised an eyebrow. Hmph, how'd he become a Death Eater. They must take anyone around here…

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**Voldemort's POV**

I can't belive what she just did. That look in her eyes…. Uggghh. I groaned angrily as I looked back in the mirror. She knew I was allergic, she knew. How?

I want to kill her. I fingered my wand in my pocket as I looked back in the mirror to see the damage the peanuts had done. My mouth was swollen. My lips were four times bigger and a pink shade. Not that I don't like pink. Uggh, what am I thinking.

I just want to go there and blow her head off. I turned my face to the side to see the red pimples which were forming by the second.

I turned away raging with anger. I want to, I want to kill her so much…. But I can't no matter what. I can't.

_Knock. Knock. _

I turned to see HER. Christine at the door. She just barges in. Damn her to hell.

"Hey, Tom!" she said as if everything was fine and dandy. "Whoaaa! What's wrong with your FACE? No let me restate that. WHY DO YOU LOOK EVEN MORE HIDEOUS THAN USUAL?" she staggered back.

I glared at her helplessly. My eyes burning into hers.

"I brought you more cake, you said you liked it." She said sweetly.

"YOU INSOLENT CHILD! Don't you see that I'm allergic?" I screamed. "GET OUT!"

I pushed her out of the room forcefully I heard her whine in pain.

"Ow! My delicate composure. My beautiful cake!"

I shut the door behind her and leaned back against it exasperated.

Kill, kill, I want to see her blood run through the floor. I want to hear her bloodcurdling scream. I want her to die. Die….

…..But I can't. I never can. I can't kill her even if I wanted to….never…..

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**Well, it's been some time, hopefully I remember how to be humorous. I hope that chapter wasn't a drag. I needed Voldemort's POV in there. I don't think he'll have anymore POV's but this was important. Yeah! Exams are over, now I will more time to update. Whoo hoo!**

**Now this POV was added because one of my reviewers said "If this was a real fic, Voldy would've AK her at hi." Yes very true. But this IS a real fic, but see he would've AK by now, but he can't….**

**So this leaves a big question. Why can't he kill her? He's the greatest wizard, why not? Trust me I think of everything… everything…**

**So there is one review answered. Another was that in the previous chapter how could the laundry machines run, if there was no electricity. Haha… Oh don't worry I had that thought of long before I even started that chapter, I'm glad someone noticed and asked me that. Don't worry it will be answered in the next chapter.**

**Oh yes.. I do think of everything….Oh and don't forget to review no matter how much this chapter sucked, and thanks for the awesome reviews. I have 31 now, I hope to have 50 in a matter of chapters.Oh and tell me if you like longer chapters better, wellI hope its long,i just look at howlong the scroll bar is.**


	9. Chapter 9

"EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH"

I awoke the next day **(A/N: Yes folks, the next day, we're going to start picking up the pace)** to a loud scream shaking me awake.

"What the fudge?" Belatrix mumbled sleepily as she bolted awake.

"I dunno," I yawned sleeping and pulled on a robe over top of my pajamas, and Belatrix did the same. We headed downstairs and there was already a mob near the front door.

"Hey what's going on Wormtail?" Belatrix asked Pettigrew or should I say Wormtail.

Wormtail looked at me then back at her, "The Dark Lord got a letter from this muggle mailman. He said something about electric bill."

"Oooh." I said slowly, taking a few steps back away from the crowd.

"Do you anything about this?" Belatrix asked. I looked at the ceiling and shrugged.

Another scream issued from the front of the crowd form Voldemort, "Who is responsible for this!"

The crowd parted into two groups and I watched as it divided, giving Voldemort a clear view for me.

"Oh yeah, nows the time to be Moses and part the crowd." I said loudly, and smiled meekly to Voldemort.

He took a step forward shaking a crumpled paper in his hand. "Do you know anything about this?" He shouted again.

I blinked. "I'm standing right here, why are you screaming? And I don't know what that is if you keep moving it."

"This an ELECTRICITY BILL! The muggle mailman game to the doorstep and gave it, because he wasn't sure if anyone lived here. After all it was disguised as an old mansion breaking apart. Now he KNOWS SOMEONE LIVES HERE!"

I took a step back. "Again, I'm standing right here. And what do you expect? Laundry machines don't run on magic ya know. Beside this is a muggle house we're hiding in, there are plugs."

Everyone was completely silent. All you could hear was his raspy fast breathing. Hmm, kind of sounds like Darth Vader.

"What is this, I have to pay for Internet access cost?" He asked loudly, showing me the paper. The edges were wet from his sweat.

"Uh…." I began, "Well it's kind of worthless having a laptop and not having Internet. Besides I need M.S.N. and I AIM account, I cancelled my Yahoo account-."

He stopped me, "You have laptop? Why? What is this Yahoo baloney?" He asked.

I crossed my arms, "You know what, why don't I just show you?"

He raised an eyebrow and looked around at the other death eaters. I walked up the stairs towards my room.

I opened my laptop and turned it on. All the death eaters were huddled around the little table inside my room with Voldemort behind me. They all "ooohed" and "aaahed" at the sight of it logging in. I rolled my eyes.

It opened up to my desktop. "Well is that it?" Voldemort barked. "Where is the Yahoo you were talking about?"

I sighed and logged into my msn account. I turned around. "Well, turn away, I have to type in my password." Voldemort grumbled but turned away. I typed my password in, "Tomisgay."

"Okay, you can turn now." They did and waited for it to load and sign me in. I drummed my fingers slowly.

"WELL!" Voldemort shouted crossing his arms.

"Hey, this is a MUGGLE invention, it's bound to take time." I said calmly. Voldemort sniggered and agreed.

_Ding. Ding. You have mail. _

The computer said as it signed in. Everyone leaned in and whoaed. A few pop-up ads came up.

"Aaah!" a few death eaters screamed.

"What is…. That?" He said looking at the ad for talking smlies. I grinned.

"Well, lets see." I clicked on it and it and opened to a new site. "Hey, look you can change what the smilie says."

Voldemort raised an eyebrow, "A smilie?" I nodded. I thought for a moment, what would I make this smilie say now…. I KNOW!

I typed in the phrase and waited for it to load with the picture I wanted. A picture popped up.

"What is this now?" He asked. I grinned wickedly at him and shrugged and enlarged the picture.

It was a little baby head with a rattle and crooked smile. It opened its mouth to say what it was programmed to.

"_How long does it take to kill a baby?"_ It paused_. "Don't ask Voldemort he hasn't figured it out yet."_

Voldemort looked down at me. I smiled innocently. "See why I love the internet."

"Gaaarggh!" Voldemort screamed. He pointed his wand at me.

"Hey!" I protested. "You wanted to see it."

He lowered his wand an inch, but kept it close to me. "Now I want you get rid go it!" He spat angrily.

I opened my mouth in mocked disbelief. "Psshaw. In your nightmares Tom. I think we should have a vote. Its what we at least deserve."

He rolled his eyes. "What makes YOU think I'm going to let you VOTE?"

I leaned in so only he could hear, "Because, your going to have to inspect everything you eat for a special something…. Peanuts…." He looked away. I knew I hit the jackpot.

"Fine," He growled. "If you manage to convince them we should have internet, or rather this whole entire laptop contraption, you can keep it." He stormed out of the room. I sighed and turned my chair to face the computer and clicked the smilie again.

"_How long does it take to kill a baby?"_ It paused_. "Don't ask Voldemort he hasn't figured it out yet."_

The death eaters paused and burst out laughing. Wormail laughed the hardest, his face became a cherry red.

Belatrix controlled her fits of laughter and spoke up. "You've convinced us. We'll vote for you." She began laughing again.

Uncle Lucius was the only who had kept silent this whole entire time finally spoke. "You haven't convinced all of us."

Belatrix shrugged and waved to the female death eaters, "We're convinced." They nodded.

Uncle Lucius pointed to all the males, "Not us." A few looked as if they were going tot prove him wrong, but kept silent at the look on his face. Belatrix and the other ladies shrugged and left the room, still laughing at the smilie.

He turned to me. "You still have to convince more than half of us."

I smiled this wouldn't be a problem at all…..Oh I love the internet.

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**I told you I'd tell you where the electricity came from. Any more questions? **

**Yeah, its not much of a cliff hanger, but hey, I think most of you will be shocked of what Christy's coming up with. Though this chapter sucked, please review. More is on the way. **

**The funny thing is though, I posted this story on another site and I have more than 50 reviews for 4 chapters. Here I have 38 reviews for only 8 chapters. I feel so unloved. So please review.**

**Remember all flare, suggestions and questions are welcome.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey, well here's the next chapter but here is a warning, this chapter is NOT funny. So please don't complain because all I'll say is : "Don't say I didn't warn you." Now on with the chapter **

**Chapter 10 **

"Well?" Uncle Lucius asked earnestly as all the male population of the death eaters waited for my response. "What are you planning to do to convince us to vote for this _Internet_ to stay?"

I smiled. "Weellll, since you're all _guys_ this should be easy."

I swiveled the chair around and typed in a site. After various clicking and typing and occasionally slapping my laptop I finally found what I was looking for.

"Behold..." I announced turning the screen in their direction. "A site to contain mutual hormonal feelings you may be having." I laughed silently as they gathered around wide eyed.

I sat back listening to the music from the slide show presentation on the laptop. Once it was over I turned screen back to me, causing a few to groan.

I looked over at Uncle Lucius. "Convinced now?"

He stuttered, sweat dripping from his forehead. He cleared his throat. "Er… even though I am married, that was satisfying, and… strangely enjoyable to watch…" The rest agreed a few whistled in agreement.

I smirked. "Satisfying? Why there is a site where..." I leaned in to whisper. "They wear nothing but gloves…"

They all began talking amongst themselves excitedly. Uncle Lucius' face lit up. "ONLY gloves?"

I nodded. "But you don't get to see it until you agree to vote for my laptop to stay at dinner tonight."

Uncle Lucius nearly jumped at me, "Of course, we will. Why wouldn't we? After seeing that…well you see what I mean. Well we'll be off now." Murmuring in agreement every one filed out of the room.

I jumped on bed and lay flat on back. "Life is sweet sometimes." I said aloud, "especially when you make Voldemort's life a living hell..."

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I was listening to some music on my laptop when Belatrix burst into our room, flustered and red in the face.

"Belatrix! Why do you look like a strawberry."

She waved her hand out carelessly. "Never mind that, I do that when I'm angry. But more importantly… You wont guess what I found Lucius doing!"

"Ok I wont guess. How about you just tell me." I said in a bored voice.

She thrust a magazine at me, "This! He was looking at this." I flipped through a couple of pages and screwed up my face in a disgusted expression.

"He was looking at-," I began. Belatrix nodded her head vigorously.

"Yeah, at PORN!" she shrieked. "I don't know why, it's disgusting, and I found Wormtail and even Crabbe and Goyle looking at the same magazine. Since when have they become so obsessed with-," she shuddered.

I shrugged and looking away quickly. "Um...er... I have no clue."

Belatrix spun me around. "Do you know about this?"

I shook my head. "No… but I know what kind of caused their sudden urge. You see uh… I showed them this-," I clicked on the site and the slide show presentation began.

After the first two slides she began screaming, "Ahh, ok off. Turn it OFF!" I exited it and turned back to her.

"Yeah, so you see, I promised them a site where the wear nothing but..._glove_s...if they vote for me." Belatrix crossed her arms.

"Oh so that's how you convinced them so easily." She leaned in, "Is there really a site thing like that?"

I shrugged. "Heck, I dunno. I just made it up, but they seem to like the prospect of nothing but gloves." Belatrix made a face as if she was going to puke.

"Did all the death eaters see this… thing?" she asked.

I shook my head, "Only the guys…why?"

She shrugged and plopped down on her bed. "Uh, well my ex-husband is a death eater, and it's hard to picture him watching this stuff. Oh, doesn't even, glad to be divorced…even if we had to do it in Askaban."

I stood up shocked. "Married…and you? I thought you liked Tommy boy over here."

She raised in eyebrow, "You mean the Dark Lord. I was kidding about that. I just feared that he may change his mind about me being the most loyal death eater after seeing you." She chuckled silently, "but I keep forgetting, he can't love."

I laughed, "Yeah, it's always hard to forget the only weakness of the greatest wizard on earth, even when he looks like that. Besides he's old enough to be my father." I shuddered at the thought.

I sighed and realized something, "Wait Bela, you're not the most loyal and great death eater."

She sat up so fast I heard a bone crack. "Whatyameani'mnotthegreatestdeatheater?" she in one breath.

I gave her a calm-down-jeez look, "Uh, well, let's see. _You_ didn't kill Dumbledore. _Severus Snape_ killed Dumbledore. So _Snape_ is the greatest…and you know the rest."

"Snape." She hissed. "I forgot, his great noble deed. How he was forced to finish the job for dear old Draco." She grabbed her wand and blasted a whole through the door.

BAM!

She turned swiftly around to glance over her shoulder. "I'll be back after I do some more damage." She hissed and stomped out of the room.

"She really has anger management problems." I said aloud. As I walked over to fix the door I heard another crash.

BAM!

I peered out of the hole in the door to view the hallway. Apparently Belatrix had done it again.

"Hey! What's wrong with you. I could've been changing!" I heard angry cry. Shrugging I waved my wand and fixed the door putting a charm on it so I couldn't hear Belatrix dealing with her massive hissy fit.

"Seriously she needs a-. Oh, I'll deal with her anger problems later. All I need to think about is a successful dinner. Once I have this laptop stay I can bring in the television."

"Now in the meantime what should I do, to cause mass havoc…," I paused to gaze around the sulky/cheaply decorated room and smiled mischievously, "I really got to stop talking to myself."


	11. Chapter 11

I sighed as I gazed around the refurnished room. I had not forgotten about the intense argument Voldemort and I had just yesterday. Though the fight consisted of a repetition of yes and no. Yet I had not forgotten such an opportunity to pester, annoy, harm, irritate, exasperate, infuriate…etc.

Belatrix stormed in with bits of rubble stuck in her mass of tangled black hair. Exasperated she tumbled onto her bed. After a few moments she looked at the new bed she was laying on and gazed at me in horror.

"IT"S PINK!" She screeched and jumped from her new bed.

Slowly backing away she let a gasp of despair as she turned to see that the whole room was decorated in pink. I shuddered, it didn't I like pink either, but because Belatrix doesn't…well I made an exception. One day in a room glowing in shades of pink...should give her quite a scare.

"What have you done?" She whispered hoarsely.

I shrugged. "I thought we needed to refurnish out room."

"Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god…"

"Are you religious?" I asked.

"No," she paused, "why?"

"I don't know, just got the impression." I said rolling my eyes. I plopped down on my bed and pulled at the sparkled lace on the pillow covers.

"Soooo….how do ya like it, other than the pink."

"Other the pink its horrible, with the pink its," Belatrix shuddered. "no word in the world to describe it."

"Now, don't say that." I smiled evilly. "Here's a dictionary, u might want find a word so I know how u like it." I handed her the book.

"Don't u get it , I don't like it!" she shouted.

I lay back on the bed calmly. "Oh I get it, I just want to annoy u."

"Why u little….! LOOK at this place, YOu do not realize how-,"

"Wonderful." I cut in.

"NO!"

"Beautiful."

"NO!"

"Extragavant." I paused. "Supergafraglistic espeladocious." **(A/N: uh forgive me for spelling it wrong….)**

"NO…is that even a word?" she asked.

I shrugged and took out a nail filer.

"Well, no, anyway. " she concluded.

"Then what?" I said, clearly not done with the pathetic yet amusing argument.

"I told u its horrible," she gasped, "what, what is this, why are there pictures and posters of Snape here, huh? Where's my poster of SPONGEBOB?" she asked angrily.

She pointed at the posters. One had a moving picture of him twirling around his hair, beneath it read LOREAL SHAMPOO. Another one had him flexing, it was his head but surely not his body. It was an ad.

Thank you Photoshop.

"Uh why not?" I said smirking.

"Why not, why not, ur asking me why not?" she choked out.

I paused., "….yeah."

"Why would u look its SNAPE, you've unpurified the room, even his picture is disgusting and vial as him." Belatrix screeched. "HOW COULD YOU CHOOSE HIM OVER SPONGEBOB!"

I tapped my foot. "You do know this room was unpurified the moment u walked in."

"Arrrggghhh," point is, **I hate him**, he's ugly, he's a kiss up, he stole my rep of being the favorite, **I Hate him!** and now THIS does not help…!" she screamed, as you tell by the capital letters.

"Ok…My, you get angry quite easily. I think you should sleep in the dog shed to night, the pink is getting to your head."

Ignoring me she continued on. "Oh and did I mention **I hate him**."

"Must've missed that, and everything else you said." I muttered.

"Who is it now that you hate Belatrix." A voice drawled, and a figure rested sideways on the door frame.

"Speak of the devil, what are you doing here?" she snapped.

"Oh I heard the sound of a dying animal, and now I realize it was you screaming." He stopped to look around the room. "Oh my, look, you do ADORE me, see I told you, you couldn't hate me." He said raising an eyebrow at the posters.

"I do not ado-…I cant even say it, please complete the sentence for me Christy." She said gagging.

"Huh, wha, did you say something?" I looked up. "You must've mistook me for someone who cared.

"Hmmm, who is this exceptional lady?" Snape said.

"Oh my name is Christy, I put up these posters, I simply love how you. …killed…Dumbledore, heheheheh." I hehehed.

"Why did you hesitate when you said killed?"

"Why do you ask so many questions? I mean. Oh I didn't know whether to replace it with murdered, or do a great deed. Heheheh." I babbled, trying to butter him. Even though the grease in his hair was sufficient enough.

"Ahh, Belatrix you should learn from her." He said, I smiled.

"What? Excuse me. How dare you put me down in front of a ..a..girl."

"Aren't you a girl?" He said quizzically. Look up and down expecting to realize she or he, whichever one, was wearing fake boobs.

"I meant child." She stammered.

He ignored her. "I mean even you were a girl once."

"I meant CHILD." She growled. "You freaky haired…freak."

"Oh but I love his hair," I cut in, "look how….greasy, I mean look how shiny it is, so um wonderful, could you teach me how you get it to do that ."

"Yeah just never wash your hair, or take a bath for that matter." She said mockingly.

"Oh then how come your hair isn't greasy like his?" I retorted.

"Hey!" Snape protested.

"Hey, I believe there is a dying animal on the premises, if your torturing anyone, please do so outside." Another drawling voice cut in.

"Oh no no Draco that was Belatrix here." Snape explained. I turned to glare at the new figure that appeared at the doorway.

"Draco, what…why are u here..oh wait never mind." I said realizing he was a "death eater".

"What did u realize how happy the dark lord is with me?" he said smirking.

"Him? Happy with you? Not from what I heard." I narrowed my eyebrows.

"Oh your just jealous." He said in a voice a spoiled child would use.

"Oh, just you wait 'til dinner." I laughed evilly under my breath just making sure he could hear me.

"No,uh, no your lying. He's quite pleased." He said crossing his arms, but I could see the slight fear in his eyes.

"Ha, what's got your knickers in a twist? Someone hide your mirror?" I teased, knowing he was the only man with vanity.

"Hmm, Christy do u dislike him?" Belatrix asked evilly.

I gave an inquiring look and nodded slowly, what was the evil…I was going to say witch, but because I'm not in a muggle world, it wouldn't be an insult. None the less, what the hell was she planning?

"Oh but not from what I heard, and really Draco, I do think she is jealous. I remember her saying, she loves your hair, and how u keep it so s…straight, and s..slick…and shiny with complexion."

"Shiny with complexion? Does that even make sense?" I asked crudely.

"Oh please, _I am_ quoting you."

"You son of a- ,"

"And how u said he was sexy." At this point I flared.

"_Draco and sexy_, in one sentence, is it even grammatically correct. How is it possible to have those exact words in one sentence? Maybe if u said Draco is not sexy, then that would definitely be right."

"Oh silly, don't deny." She said in fake/sweet voice.

"Shut it." Hmm two can play at this game. "Snape I was lying, Belatrix really hung up these pictures and posters, she handcrafted them herself. She just didn't want u to know."

"Be quiet." She warned.

"I'm sorry Belatrix, he deserves to know. You know, I think there's a picture under her pillow with your face in a heart picture frame."

"Aaaahhhhhhh. U filthy little-,"

"Belatrix what have I said about torturing animals in the house," We heard Voldemort call from downstairs…or wherever he was."

"Aahhhhhhkjedjiq3ojdkwejm!" she screamed in fury.

"That's it Belatrix! Don't make me come up there!" He called again…from wherever he was.

Pointing a threatening finger at me, she stomped out of the room.

Draco and Snape gave each other one look and shook their sadly. "Women." They muttered..loudly.

They gave each other another look and burst out giggling. The quickly covered it with a cough, and turned to leave.

Just before her reached the door, Draco turned and sneered at me.

WHACK!

"OW!" Draco cried out rubbing his head.

"That's my job to sneer, how many times have I told you, do we need to go through that section of your lessons again?" Snape scolded.

"I hate you! Your such a dick." He said rubbing his head.

"ME! You're the dick."

"No, you're a dick and I'm sick of your dickitry! I never want to see you again." He declared.

"We share the same room."

"Oh yeah….shit."

I rolled my eyes. "Men…"

888888888888

I looked around one more time, making sure no idiot would come up behind me. Not that I could see why any one would come up to the attic.

Yeah. I was in the attic. It was the only place I could safely send my letter. I smoothed the feathers on my owl. It was rare owl with the darkest shade of red and glassy brown eyes with white imprints on its feathers.

"Here, you know where to go. Same place as last time." I whispered to Erina. She hooted softly. I quickly pulled out my wand and tapped her little head. She was disguised as a pigeon.

As much as that was a disgrace to her, she, in her own way, understood that I was a death eater and no one could know what I was doing. Eagerly she nipped at my fingers as I tied the letter to her foot.

With one swift turn she flew out the window. I waited until she was a tiny speck in the sky before I closed it.

I shut my eyes, and the words of the letter came back to me:

_Hey, _

_Its me again. Sorry I took so long to write again. I'm here. Finally, a death eater. Well I'm guessing I am now. Don't worry about how I'm sending the letter. Erina, will remain a pigeon until she gets back and I change her, so no one will notice a pigeon as much as a red owl. The letter was disguised as a subscription to the "Community Prophet". Only you can read what is in the letter, the parchment reacts to your touch._

_Everything here is pretty swell. Voldemort is as evil as ever. And I'm being as annoying as ever to everyone here. That'll change to complete our plan. _

_The first day we had an apparating fiasco. I'm sharing a room with Belatrix; hope you feel sorry for me, because I sure do. She went over the rules, and I have something up my sleeve to use it against dear old Voldemort. _

_Lucius is suffering for every bad thing I do. Haha. This is great. I even gave him peanut butter cookies, which he broke in to hives after, I threw a loaf at his face, pretended to be drunk and humiliated him in front of everyone. _

_Oh the best part was when I trapped Belatrix in the laundry room and introduced her to the washing machine, which I made sure overflowed. You should've seen her face when her only pair of spandex leggings shrunk. Then I played knock and apparate on Voldemort's door. Can you believe he has Power puff girl robes? Nasty…._

_Just today he got a bill on the electricity I used for the laptop I have in my room, I actually convinced him to let the death eaters have a vote whether it should stay because he was ready to throw it out the window. The ladies are all on my side, but I had to use "porno" to convince the male death eaters. _

_Wait 'til the TV comes in. (Enter evil laughter here.) _

_Now I've redecorated my room with PINK. Belatrix is hysterical. _

_Oh and Draco and Snape are here. Disgusting…_

_Well, now I must end it with a simple note…Our plan is working. _

_Now the only way you can send me a letter is to send it back with Erina. _

_We will succeed. Muhahahahahahahahah….etc._

_Love, _

_Christine_

_(A.K.A. The only one who can annoy Voldie)_

_888888888888_

**THAT SUCKED ASS…. **

**Pardon my French. Forgive me for the lameness. All the same review. This was only a filler chapter. So um if you have to hurt, restrain yourselves from using pointy objects…**

**REVIEW**

**PS: Hope you liked the secret letter Christy sent, feel free to guess whom she sent it too, it is an existing Harry Potter character. **

**PPSS: OH and sorry for any grammar, spelling errors. **


	12. Chapter 12

"So what are you proposing?" I asked Belatrix who had a mischievous look on her face.

"Well I noticed you are skilled in the annoying department-,"

"Why thank you!"

"-that maybe you could help me."

I raised an eyebrow. "You want help from me?" I reached up to take her temperature-

SMACK 

"OW!" she grabbed her reddened cheek. "What the hell'd you slap me for?"

I shrugged, "Just wanted to make sure you were feeling alright."

She sent me a menacing look. "I am alright, I just noticed that you hated Draco as I hate Snape."

I nodded. "Well, I was wondering if we teamed up, I could eliminate your enemy, if you do the same for me."

A smile crept onto my face. "My, my Belatrix you may be getting at something."

She smiled back at me, "So it's a deal."

I nodded. "But first," I flicked my wand and a contract appeared with a quill. "We should have a proof our deal, so if one of gets caught both of us get the wrap."

Her grin wavered; she couldn't have thought I'd let her get away with it that easily. "Um…okay, I guess."

Once we both signed it I tucked it into my robe. "There, now this will work out perfectly. You scratch my back I scratch yours."

"But it isn't itchy."

"…"

"What? Does your back itch?"

"It's an expression."

"A facial expression?"

"…"

"What?"

"Let's just make a plan." I sighed rolling my eyes. I worked solo in the annoying business, I hoped she wouldn't drag me down…but she was already on a head start on the annoying part. She may even out run my status.

I elbowed Belatrix as I sat down for dinner. She concealed her pain and glared at me. She's been doing a lot of that lately.

"What know? As partners I'd expect you restrain from continuously hurting me!" she hissed.

"Hey, its fun!" I protested. "Besides I had to stop you from grinning like a monkey who just got laid."

"Hmmph. Just use a subtle warning next time will you."

I shrugged and watched the doorway to the dining room and saw out targets walking side by side as they approached the dinner table.

"This is Condor One. Enemies coming to location. I repeat enemies coming to location, over." I whispered into the little hidden muggle device known as a walkie-talkie.

"Copy that. I see the targets. This is Snobble Two. Over and Out." Belatrix said back to me through her walkie-talkie.

She turned to face me. "Hey, why do we have to talk on these things if we're right next to each other?"

I smiled, "Well you talk extremely loud on it, and you look like an idiot talking into a gray box and calling yourself _Snobble Two_."

"…."

"Hey, are you okay, your vein looks like its about to pop?" I asked. She was about to respond when Draco interrupted her.

"Where are we supposed to sit?"

I looked up and turned to Belatrix. I nodded, signaling her to begin operation DESTROY THE TARDS. The tards referring to Draco and Snape if you're a little slow.

"Well Draco, the chair before you is yours." She claimed, pointing at the mahogany chair with ancient engravings. It was Voldemort's special chair. No one but him has ever sat on it.

Last week, as Belatrix said, Wormtail accidentally sat on it and he was hexed so bad that…well crudely put, it hurt every time he went to the bathroom. I don't any one wants more detail into that.

Draco looked doubtful. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Why of course. The Dark Lord has gotten this chair specially for you. You deserve it. Without you we wouldn't have killed old Dumbly now could we?"

Draco smiled. "Yes well, that was a genius plan." He said arrogantly

Snape frowned. "What about me why don't I get a special chair like that? After all I finished the job."

I smiled. "Well that is why you get to sit at the head of the table."

Snape immediately perked up. "Sucker." He hissed as he passed by Draco.

As soon as they were seated I knew our plan had succeeded. We had put a sticking charm on their chairs so the only way they could get off was by taking of their pants. We also put a potion in their drinks, so we could control what they're saying.

Why? Well we don't want them being a bunch of tattletales. It lasted for only 20 minutes though. We didn't have time to make a stronger one. Besides, we didn't want to control what they were saying for a long period of time.

At last Voldemort had come. "Good evening my fellow dea-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" he screeched as he noticed Draco and Snape. If they hadn't been stuck to the chair they would've flew off. Yet they sat there cowering.

They tried to speak but nothing would come out. That's when I notice they had taken a bit of their drinks.

Belatrix grinned wickedly and gave me a thumbs up, I nodded. It was time.

"WELL! WHY DON'T YOU SAYING ANYTHING?"

"Ahem-uh, sorry just got some food stuck. What were you yelling about?" Snape said. Well Belatrix said.

"Yeah, I wasn't paying attention. Not that I do anyway. Who really listens to you?"

Voldemort growled. "What did you say?"

"OH I guess I'm not the only one who doesn't listen. Anyway, this is a real nice chair dude." Draco said, well what I really said.

"What the-I am not a _dude_." Voldemort exclaimed.

"OK pal. But you seriously should sit down, the food's getting cold." Snape commented.

"WHY YOU-,"

"Hey, Tom. I guess this wouldn't be the right time mention that Dumbledore's not really dead." I said standing up.

"Wha-How-I-,"

"Hahaha. Just kidding." I paused. "I guess now's a bad time to tell you. Everyone is in favour of keeping the computer."

"WHA-,"

"Oh and you'll have to pay the electricity bill, but if you just show the mailman your face, I don't think you'll ever get the bills."

"YOU-Wait till I'm done with you!" He shouted.

"Uh-Snape and Draco took your chair!" Belatrix screamed.

"WHAT! YEAH! YOU AND YOU, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"

Because they couldn't speak, they pointed at Belatrix and me.

Quickly we got up from our chairs and moved to the hallway.

"Where do you think you're going?" he screeched.

"Uh, I don't feel so hungry anymore." I said waving my hand carelessly.

"Yeah, I'm still full from lunch." Belatrix said.

GRUMBLE….GRUMBLE

It was her stomach, I glared at her. "I told you that starving yourself wasn't a healthy idea." I said particularly loudly.

Voldemort looked unconvinced. "Fine, you aren't hungry but where are you going? AND WHY THE HELL DO THEY HAVE MY CHAIR!"

Snape shook his head vigorously and pointed at us. "HMMM! EMM! HMM!" he tried to say.

Voldemort shot us an evil look. "Do you have something to do with this?"

"Oh look at the time!" I said loudly pointing at my hand where a watch would be. "Ha, ha. Time to go clean out my fish bowl."

"But you don't have one?" Wormtail called out.

"Well that's why I'm going to go with her to buy one." Belatrix hissed.

"Wait how can you buy one?" Voldemort asked, but we had already apparated to a cramped area.

"OK, why did you pick the same closet I did?" I asked annoyed.

"I didn't." she said in a muffled voice.

"Well you are taking up all the room, god have you called Jenny yet." I pushed her aside. "What do you mean you didn't? You apparated with me didn't you."

She nodded. I sighed loudly. "Well now that you're here, I guess you can help me."

I pushed open the closet door into dimly decorated bedroom. I smiled brightly.

Belatrix stared bewildered. "We're in Voldemort's room!"

I chuckled. "Yes." I thought for a moment looking around the room. "Well now you can help me redecorate his room."

"What!"

"Yeah, the way I decorated ours…but worse."

She winced. "If that's possible." She paused. "But Voldemort will kill us, we cant do it."

"Heheh, I have it covered." I said smiling slyly.

"What's in it for me?"

"Do you want our room returned to normal?"

She bit her lip. "You sure he wont find out."

I nodded.

"Fine." She agreed.

"Great. It will return to normal."

"Good, but you have to leave Snape's pictures alone."

"WHAT" I asked shocked. I mean wouldn't you be?

"Uh…just kidding."

"Sure, sure." I said not believing it for a second. "Lets get to work, Voldemort will love this more than his missing chair fiasco."

"Oh yeah. I wonder how Draco and Snape are holding up?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T SAY THOSE THINGS"

"UH, it was a spell, or potion." Snape mumbled. Draco nodded in fear. They were both stripped down into their boxers and tied up together and hanging from the chandelier.

"OH AND SO YOU DON'T KNOW HOW YOU WERE STUCK TO THE CHAIR!"

"This is going to be a long night." Wormtail whispered.

Lucius nodded, wincing at the sight of his son in such a pitiful position. "Hey pass the popcorn Wormtail."

Together the two and the rest of the death eaters watched them, quite entertained.

The only thought that ran through Snape and Draco's mind was "I'M GOING TO MURDER CHRISTINE AND BELATRIX!"

I stepped back to admire our final product.

"Wow, I didn't know we could do so much damage." Belatrix said looking at the decorated room. "What do you think?"

I grin broadly. "One word….Pink."


	13. Chapter 13

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

For the second time in a row, a scream woke us up. I, Christine woke up first.

"Belatrix, I told you not to set the alarm clock on scream." I mumbled sleepily.

"That was Voldemort," she said back from under her covers.

Tiredly I rolled back into bed, when it hit me. He was screaming because Belatrix and me had transformed his room into a pink fiesta.

Jumping out of bed I grabbed the nearest robes I could find. "Belatrix! Get up! We have some annoying business to attend to." I looked over at the clock. "7 is a bit early, but it's good first thing in the morning."

I heard nothing from underneath the covers this time. I rolled my eyes.

"You could sleep through a lion attacking you." Suddenly an idea clicked in my head. Waving my wand I made a lion appear right there in our room. Laughing, I tucked her wand into my robe.

Making her defenseless made the plan even better. It would be funny coming back to see her fighting against a lion.

Creeping around the sleeping lion I went out the door. Quickly I went through the maze of doors until I found the one leading to Voldemort's room. It wasn't hard to miss considering the large crowd around the door with Voldemort in the middle. Sighing loudly I walked the crowd, to face the music.

Heh…yeah right.

"My sir, you look particularly menacing today." I said sarcastically.

Voldemort shot me an angry look. I pretended to look shocked. "What happened?"

Voldemort glared at me and pointed his wand at me. "This is what happened!" he hissed.

I raised me eyebrow. "Your face?"

"No!" he yelled angrily. "You destroyed my room!"

I took one glance over the room. "I don't know what you're talking about…" I looked calmly at my fingernails.

His face turned a bright shade of red. "You know perfectly well what I'm saying!" he growled.

I shrugged, "I didn't say I didn't do anything. I just don't know what you're talking about. It looks fine to me."

Voldemort looked at me. His eyes glowing with rage.

"Ok. I'm perfect. Now stop staring at me." I said breaking the silence.

I heard a few death eaters chuckle at this comment. A look from Voldemort silenced them.

"Do you realize you're not making this problem any lighter on yourself. What is your problem!" He asked angrily.

I feigned an offended expression. "Please Tom, do me a favor. Don't let it bother you. I'm cuter than most people."

"What!!" he shouted surprised.

"I'm cute. You're not. Seems so unfair." I sighed.

"Are you even listening to me?" he asked, stepping closer to me.

Rolling my eyes, "Me pretending to listen should be enough for you." I replied.

Breathing heavily he shook his wand in front of my face. "You are going to fix my room and make sure there isn't a scratch of pink in there."

I smiled widely. "You're dumb, I like that."

"What did you say?" he growled in a threatening voice.

"Let's be friends, I'd like a dumb friend."

"Clean up the room NOW!" he shouted.

I scoffed. "Hellooo. I'm to good for this."

He narrowed his eyes. "What are you trying to say."

"It's all about me Tom, you should know that."

He threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "What am I supposed to do with you?"

"Actually, good thing you mentioned that. I sincerely want you to worship me."

He gave me a dirty look. I shrugged innocently. "Hey, don't blame me. I was born awesome."

Seeing as he didn't say anything I continued on.

"Me. Just like you. Only better."

"What the hell? Are you kidding me?"

I rolled my eyes again. "It's not your fault you're a dumb-hole, but I'm blaming you anyway."

"Does annoying me make you happy?" he asked furiously.

As if he had to ask _that._ "No, plotting revenge is just fun." I said in a happy voice.

"Why are you so happy all the time?" he asked disgustedly.

I grinned wildly. "Despising you makes me all warm inside."

Before he got a chance to answer I burst out laughing really hard. When I managed to control myself I saw the confused look on his face. "Oh, by the way, thanks for being ugly. It makes me laugh."

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" he asked angrily.

"You know you'd be cooler if you were me." I said absent-mindedly.

"Are you even listening to me!!!!" he screamed. "I'm trying to talk to you!!"

"Fine, you can talk to me, but where will I barf?"

"You little-,"

"You should be kinder to me." I said sweetly.

"Why would I be kind to some one like you?"

"Weeellll, you know if you buy me presents I'll be nicer." I smiled.

"And where would I get presents from?" he asked crudely.

I raised an eyebrow. "How should I know, you're the genius."

"Yes well, that's very true-,"

I cut him off, "Since your gross shouldn't you be smart?"

"Ugggh." He groaned repulsively. "Kids of this generation."

I laughed, "Kids are the future. Frightened?"

"That is an understatement."

"You know," I said thoughtfully, "I have a dream. And in it, something eats you."

He stepped dangerously close to me, pointing his wand in my face. "OK THAT IS IT! I've had it with you! I am going to-,"

"What?" I asked bored. "Kill me?"

He blinked.

"Oh come on Tom. Don't try that. Remember the last time you tried to "kill". It backfired on you, when you attempted it on a baby. Do you want to disappear for another 13 years again?" I asked sarcastically.

"You little-,"

"Why do I have to be little? Why can't I be big? Why do u always curse?" I began rambling. "Why cant the dark marks be sociably acceptable? Do you like cheese?"

"OH TO HELL WITH IT! I FIX MY ROOM MYSELF!" with that he slammed the door after himself as he left the room.

The death eaters and me watched the closed door in silence.

My face broke out into a grin. "Hahaha, works everytime."


	14. Chapter 14

I walked back towards my room after having completed my work.

work: annoying voldemort and driving him insane

I was humming calmly when I heard a loud scream. Rolling my eyes, sighing and kicking the death eater sleeping on the ground, I rushed…or rather walked leisurely to my room which I unfortunately shared with Belatrix.

Just then I remembered I had locked her in the room with a lion and no wand and walked a little tiny bit faster.

"Wow that walk sure took long…" I said as I opened the door by tapping it with my wand. I threw open the door to see Belatrix on the bed with a chair in front of her to ward of the lion. I gasped loudly and went to pet it.

"Oh are you okay you ittle wittle lion." I cooed.

"Little???" Belatrix shrieked. "That thing nearly chewed off my head."

Ignoring her I continued to pet the lion. "Did the mean, ugly, annoying, freakishly large-

"-get to the point." She said in an irritated voice.

"-ugly, wait I already said that, well she is ugly, woman scare you?" I finished.

"Me scare it?" she shrieked again

"Yeah well, you first thing in the morning isn't the nicest sight." I said.

"It scared me more than I could've!" she yelled. "What kind of wake up call is this? You even took me wand how could I have gotten out!"

I rolled my eyes and waved my wand making the lion go to its original place. "I thought you were a genius…"

"Well, I am but-," she started.

I laughed out loud. "I was wondering how it would take you to realize you could've apparated out of here."

"….apparate…" she said dumbly.

"Wow, you sure are slow." I said with an awed expression.

Just then Malfoy and Snape walked in. "You two. Don't think we wont get you back for what you did to us."

I shot him an odd look. "I'm sorry, but you were born that way."

Malfoy moved to take a threatening step towards me but Snape stopped him. " We're going to-Hey are you eating gum?" he asked pointing at Belatrix.

"Yeah, I found it under the bed when I was cowering in fear."

"Under the bed?" Malfoy asked.

"Cowering in fear?" Snape asked.

"You have gum?" I asked.

"Yeah." She said replying to all of our questions.

"Point is we're going to get you guys back good." Malfoy said giving a seething look.

Rolling my eyes in the third time that day I suggested something. "How about we do your laundry and call it even."

"What!" Belatrix screamed.

"Hmm, that's a pretty good proposition." Snape said considering it. "Fine. It's a deal." with that both of them aparated out of the room.

"See, they knew they could apparate." I said.

Belatrix slammed the door shut. "The point is, you just volunteered us into doing their laundry!"

"Us? No you're doing that."

"What!"

"Man, you sure do say that word a lot. It's all part of the plan." I said in a bored tone.

"What plan?" she said.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I asked.

"What're you thinking?"

"I'm thinking you're thinking you don't know what I'm thinking." I said.

"Yup, that's what I'm thinking."

"Thing is, I'm on a tight schedule. I have annoying Voldemort at 1:20, so you'll have to do something to their laundry." I explained.

"Like?"

"Oh I have the best thing…"

* * *

I watched Wormtail watch something out of the window. He pulled back the curtain quickly then the peeked again. "What're you doing?" I asked.

"There's a suspicious man outside. He stops by our house every day. I think he's a spy." He said in a hushed tone.

"You mean the mailman." I said.

"…he still could be a spy from the ministry." He said slowly.

"Right."

At this point Voldemort walked down the stairs and was heading for the dining room. "Tom, my dear lad. Just the man I was looking for."

"No."

"What I haven't asked anything." I said surprised.

"Talk to the hand." He said.

"What?"

"Sorry, be wanting to say that expression for some time." He mumbled.

"Well I just wanted to know if you wanted to try some candy." I said innocently.

"Candy?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, don't worry it's not a trick. See…" I took a yellow candy and popped it into my mouth. "Try one." I said.

Shrugging he agreed and put one in his mouth. "Mmm."

"They're lemon drops." I stated.

"These are good." He said nodding.

"Yeah, Dumbledore was kind enough to send them."

His face blanched and he spit out the candy and dug into his robes.

"Looking for your wand. It was snapped in half and buried in the backyard."

He gazed at me wide eyed.

I waved my hand mindlessly. "Yeah Snape did it. He's gone wild." At this point I patted his back slightly and walked away to hide in the broom closet and the turn of events.

"Ow!" Voldemort yelled. "Ow!" he yelled again.

He turned to see Wormtail kicking him. "What're you doing?" he screamed.

Wormtail pointed meekly at the sign hanging on his robes.

**Kick Me! No really…Kick me! I insist.**

Voldemort growled and motioned to kick him.

"Now, now do you think Salazar would've approved of that?" I said wagging my finger as I popped out of the broom closet

"Get out of my way." He growled. "I have a death eater meeting to run and you should be there right now."

I smiled. "Of course but see I waited for you so I can give you a grand entrance." I opened the door and stepped inside before he could object.

"Ladies and creatures, death eaters and captives, victims and followers I am proud to present Tom Marvalo Riddle, Lord Voldemort." Then I faked a trumpet noise and had an equally annoying fake drum roll.

Voldemort stepped with a weird expression and walked past me to his head chair. I sighed loudly and gushed over him, "I've taught him everything he knows." I said loudly.

Ignoring me he sat in his chair and looked around to make sure everyone had come. Then he noticed the dead rotting animals placed around his chair. "What is that?" she exclaimed.

"Aromatherapy." I insisted.

"Anyway I have a new plan and everyone must contribute to it." He announced.

"Whatever you say. You're the boss, boss. It's your funeral." I muttered loudly.

"I have been thinking-,"

It was my cue to start belting out the lyrics to the greatest song ever.

"**Kumbaya my lord, kumbaya  
Oh lord, kumbaya  
**

**Someones singing lord, kumbaya  
Oh lord, kumbayah  
**

**Sing it with me now! **

**Someones laughing, lord, kumbaya  
Oh lord, kumbaya"**

I stopped noticing the menacing glare he was giving me. "Oh were you about to say soemthing evil and dark?" Shrugging I put away the bango and smiled at him. "Think happy thoughts Tom!"

"Anyway, what I was saying before that rude interruption, I've got a new evil plan."

I raised my hand. "What?" he asked annoyed.

"_Riddle_ me this," I said starting my question emphasis on the Riddle, "are you sure the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?"

"What!"

"Is that like the word of the day? I mean to say, ruling over the world is kinda 'girlie'. Why the blank stare? Oh guess what I have a theme song for you:

Ahem, testing, testing, one two three, yeah this invisible microphone works fine 

**Avada Kadevra, what a wonderful phrase!**

**Avada Kadevra, ain't no passin' craze!**

**Sing with me Belatrix**

**What, no!**

**I said sing!**

**Fine!**

**It means no worries for the rest of your days,**

**That's 'cuz you're a dead sucker philosophy!**

**Avada Kadevra!**

**Avada Kadevra?**

**Yeah it's our motto.**

**What's a motto?**

**Nothing. What's a-motto with you?**

**Avada Kadevra!**

**Avada Kadevra!**

**(Insert tap dancing here.)**

**I say Avada…**

**I say Kadevra…**

**Just don't say with a wand, and your fine!**

**Avada Kadevra! What a wonderful phrase!**

**It's mean no worries for the rest of your days!!!"**

"Uh thank you for singing a note that's never been accessed in the real world." Snape said shuddering.

"I'm going to pretend that never happened. For our evil scheme we'll have the giants rampaging through muggle homes." Voldemort continued.

I cut in here, "(cough) stupid (cough) not going to work (hiccup cough)"

"If you don't quit it I'm going to hex you!!!" He said angrily.

"Oh come on, we all know old Volders is a softie. Aren't ya old champ?" I said giving him a 50-watt smile.

"Um Christy, I think he's serious. He used three exclamation points." Belatrix hissed to me.

"Oh…then I gotta kick it up a notch." I said grinning back at her.

Voldemort stood up in chair and continued on with talking about his plan. "We're going to have to capture that Potter."

I gasped loudly, "How could you possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of that sweet, innocent, cute little boy."

He glared at me. "You know you shouldn't repress your anger so much." I said calmly. "I adds wrinkles."

Rolling his eyes he pretended I didn't exist. "We're going to need some kidnapping done to let the ministry-Christine why are you standing near me?"

I grinned innocently at him. "I get a better view up here."

"Um…okay. So the ministry can realize- Christine what are you staring at."

"That mole. Holy Goliath its huge!" I exclaimed.

"It's a beauty mark."

"But it has a hair in it!" I pointed out.

He gave me a threatening look. "Do you have something in your eye?" I asked. "Ok, ok I'll shut up."

"We need to create mass hysteria in the wizarding world."

**Smack!**

I smacked his arm aimlessly.

"What the-,"

"Mosquito." I said serenely.

"Fine. We need to alert the-,"

**Smack!**

"Christine you-,"

"Mosquito."

"The world needs to know that the Dark Lord is ba-,"

**SMACK!** **SMACK! SMACK!**

"WHAT THE BLOODY FREAKIN' HELL!"

"It was fly this time I swear!" I held up my hands in defense.

After a few moments of silence I finally said something. "You know, you looked better under the turban!"

I looked down at my arm pointing at an invisible watch. "Well got to go! Snack time! Most important meal of the day. Bye!" With that I aparated right out of the room but from Belatrix said this is what happened after I left.

The other death eaters started whistling and looking the other way, trying not to laugh. Slowly they all ended up leaving. Tidbits of their convo's could be heard.

"That's was crazy."

"Wicked awesome."

"Yeah, can't miss snack time."

"Do you think purple is my color."

"Wow girlfriend, love the shoes."

"What do you think of the meeting?"

"Forget the meeting, do you like my new robe?"

"It looks the same as all the other ones."

"It's silk."

"Oooh, rwar!"

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob Squarepants!"

* * *

**Wow, that wasn't as great or as good as it should've been. Not too nice…**

**Hope you enjoyed little humor that was there. It was 8 pages of garbage, but do review….no review no update! And check out my other updated fics! **

**I updated 3 fics and made a whole new fic, in one day! I'm on a roll! My inbox should be filled! **

**Now…must go update the other 7…**


	15. Chapter 15

Two female death eaters were sitting on the couch near the window.

"Is that Wormtail?" asked the black haired one.

"Yeah, who's he talking to?" said the one with blonde hair as she looked out the window.

"They call him the-one-who-delivers-the-mail." She replied.

"Wow…"

"So do people ever find out our names in this chapter."

"Nah, we're just random death eaters made up on the spot."

"Aaah, kids and their fanfiction."

"Never gets old does it."

"So…did you hear?"

"About what?" she asked.

"This chapter has no plot."

"That's a first." She said sarcastically. "Do they ever have one?"

"I think the fifth chapter did…no I'm mistaking that for another story."

"So what is this chapter?"

"Probably a filler."

"Aren't they all?"

"Pretty much. It's just annoy Voldemort and avoid death."

"Yeah, and they're not even funny."

"You telling me, I'm still embarrassed to be part of this fic."

"Tell me about it."

Authoress glares. Everybody's a critic.

I walked into the living room to find Belatrix sulking on the armchair in front of the fireplace.

"So…" I started, she didn't look up, "isn't it August?"

"So?"

"Then why's the fireplace burning."

"Pfft, I'm not writing the story."

"Right, right. So why are you all depressed. Going emo?"

"Nah that was just phase, I'm just thinking how my marriage was a failure."

I shook my head and patted her shoulder. "There, there its not your fault you have no sex appeal."

"What!" she shrieked.

"Shouldn't there be a question mark after that?" I asked.

"These are the signs that this chapter clearly has no plot."

"Anyway, what was the last time you tried something romantic?"

"When I forced him to come to a hotel with me for a weekend get away."

"Hmm, lets hear the story Bella."

"Did you just call me Bella?"

"Yeah, it's a nice nickname. It'll catch on. On with the memory."

**FLASHBACK **

Belatrix drags luggage to front counter.

Belatrix: Hurry up Lestrange!

Lestrange trudges up to his wife.

Lestrange: Do you realize no one else calls their husband by their last name.

Belatrix: So?

Lestrange: So quit it.

Clerk at Counter: UH here's your room key.

Belatrix snatches key away.

Later at Midnight 

Lestrange leaves hotel room cursing something about marrying a she-bat for a wife. Goes down hallway to coke machine, wearing pajamas.

Lestrange: Damn why won't this contraption work!

Pretty Girl in hallway stops and gives him a weird look.

Pretty Girl: Uh, here how about trying to press the button.

Lestrange watches with wide eyes.

Lestrange: Thanks pretty girl.

Pretty Girl: Did you just call me pretty girl?

Lestrange: That's what you're being referred to in this dialogue.

Pretty Girl: Uh…Okay, my name's Sam.

Lestrange: Cool, I'm Lestrange. Aren't you Micheal Berry's wife?

Pretty Girl: OMG you know my husband.

Lestrange: Like totally, and why are you still being referred to as "Pretty Girl"?

Sam: Well I am pretty…wait it stopped.

Lestrange: Anyway I do him, I saw him at the gay men bar- I mean the candy store…

Sam: …

Lestrange: Awkward silence…

Sam: That just made it worse.

Lestrange: Um, you know what I'll see you later Pretty Girl.

Sam: It's Sam!

Lestrange: What ever…

Heads towards hotel room.

Lestrange: Great going back to the she-bat.

**The. Next. Day.**

Lestrange walks to breakfast lounge of hotel and sees Micheal, husband of Sam a.k.a. Pretty Girl. He sits down with a plate of food uninvited.

Lestrange: Hey, can I sit here.

Micheal: Uh actually-

Lestrnage: Thanks.

Sam: Okay…

Micheal: Sam and me were just talking about you.

Lestrange: Isn't it Sam and I?

Sam: Does it matter?

Micheal: Anyway, where's your wife?

Lestrange: You mean that she-bat-devil-with-no-dress-sense, oh she's out bird watching. She must really not want to be with me, she's hates birds.

Sam: Um…okay.

Lestrange: Oh Sam you a bit of jam on your face (Reaches over to clean it)

Micheal: Don't touch my wife!

Lestrange: Wow…fine I'll let you clean the jam next time.

Sam: This is real awkward and I should probably go now. (She leaves)

Micheal: Um…okay, well I just have to come out and say this. WHY THE HELL DO YOU GO OUT AT NIGHT TO THE COKE MACHINE WITH YOU PAJAMAS ON?

Lestrange: Is there a reason why you're asking me about this?

Micheal: Well…the thing is, after Sam left you in the hallway she had…a …sex dream about you.

Lestrange: (Smiles perversely) Really?

Micheal: Yeah, I know she was churning butter and-

Lestrange: Whoa too much info.

Sam: (returns) There was no more salad dressing at the salad bar.

Lestrange: (Smiles up at her) Can you please pass the butter?

Sam: Micheal you told him!

Micheal: Well I-

(Sam leaves angrily)

Micheal: Thanks a lot Lestrange.

Lestrange: Anything to help.

**Back at the Hotel Room**

Belatrix walks in the room with birdseed in her hair. Lestrange is humming in the bathroom and steps out when he sees Belatrix.

Belatrix: Why are you dressed so nicely?

Lestrange: Well I thought I'd get ready for dinner. How's my beautiful bird lady?

Belatrix: Uh…okay. Are you feeling well?

Lestrange: Oh yes of course, I was just told something flattering this morning.

(Readers realize it's about Sam's dream)

Belatrix: Oh really…

Lestrange: Here lets drink to our marriage. (He walks over to bottle of wine on the hotel dresser.)

Belatrix: Whoa, I though you didn't want us drinking the hotel wine, you said it was a scam for them to get more money.

Lestrange: Oh pshaw, who cares, I'm in a good mood.

At Dinner 

Lestrange and Belatrix are all smiles as they enter the dining room of the hotel. They sit down and Lestrange goes to the counter to order their dinner. Belatrix notices Sam at the bar and walks over to her.

Belatrix: Hey Sam. How you doing?

Sam: Oh Belatrix I hope you're not angry.

Belatrix: About what?

Sam: Didn't Lestrange tell you I had a sex dream about him?

Belatrix: No, but it would explain a lot.

Sam: It wasn't a big deal really. I was churning butter and-

Belatrix: Way too much info right there.

Belatrix leaves to go their table and glares at Lestrange when he returns.

Lestrange: What happened?

Belatrix: I just talked to Sam.

Lestrange: Oh so you know…

Belatrix: I can't believe you changed yourself just because someone thought differently about you. I thought you changed to please me, but no…

Lestrange: What? I haven't changed.

Belatrix: We just drank hotel wine worth 40 galleons and had sex with the radio turned off.

Lestrange: What we've done that before.

(Silence)

Lestrange: Okay fine so _one_ change.

Belatrix: One change! You combed your hair and dressed in nice clothes.

Lestrange: Wait what's that supposed to mean? I never looked nice before.

Belatrix: Not really no…

Lestrange: Well then…

Belatrix: I thought you would've changed to make me happy but its only because some floozy has some dream about you.

Lestrange: Well its nice to have a second opinion.

Belatrix: Like a muggle doctor.

Lestrange: Yeah pretty much.

(Belatrix glares at him and leaves the table)

Lestrange: Oh come on, we've been married 20 years, after that your opinion really doesn't mean much to me.

Belatrix: (Turns back at him) I'm leaving you for good now.

Lestrange: Nooo! You can't leave me! The Flashback isn't done yet and I really need your money!!!!

FLASHACK ENDS 

I blinked, "Wow that was one messed up flashback."

Belatrix nodded. "You telling me."

Just then Lestrange was walking by. "Hey you!" I screamed stopping him.

"We were discussing why your marriage was a failure." I said to him.

"Oh, then there must've been a disturbing flashback." He said. I nodded.

"So I just want to ask. When was the last time you tried to do something romantic."

"Um, when I got her this really expensive ring." He said.

"Hmm, must've been really nice." I said.

"Yeah, but she didn't like it."

I gasped and looked at Belatrix. "How could you not like shiny and expensive jewelry?"

"She said she didn't like my presentation." Lestrange replied.

"What did you do?"

"Well I sorta gently threw at her, and it may have possibly, kind of bounced of her forehead and could've, slightly landed in her bowl of soup which probably would've ruined her new dress."

"I see." I said. "Um, you can leave now."

After Lestrange left I saw that tears were streaming down Belatrix's face.

"Whoa, come on don't be sad your marriage sucked and took away the best years of your life and now you're a big tub or lard and the only person stupid enough to like you is gone…" I rambled trying to console her.

"These are tears of joy…wait what did you say?"

"Um, I love those shoes?"

"Anyway, I'm glad I'm not married to him, besides I have my eye on a new hottie."

I smirked. "Wow, Belatrix's got a crush. Tell me all girlfriend."

"Hell no, you're gonna tell him."

"Does this have to do with the pictures of Snape under your pillow?" I asked.

"I knew I should've hid it somewhere else-I mean of course not, where'd you get an idea like that."

"Nice save." I said sarcastically. "I thought you said it was a hottie."

"It is."

"…"

"What?"

"You think Snape is a hottie?"

"Duh."

"Oh God did I use the word Snape and hottie in the same sentence- Damn! I did it again!"

"Hey, he's good looking."

"Yeah if you like guys who don't take showers, have greasy hair, long crooked nose, smells, ugly, hideous and all other synonyms…must I go on."

Belatrix rolled her eyes. "You know what I have a bigger question to ask."

"Ok."

"Why aren't you dead?"

I blinked back at her. "WTF? You want me to die?"

"Well you are annoying."

"Well…that's the last I make you a cupcake."

"I mean you-wait did you say cupcake?" she said.

"Too late."

"Well come on. You've annoyed Vodlemort in every way possible."

"Au contraire. The title is 103 ways to Annoy Voldemort, I haven't even hit 50 yet."

"Oh God you mean there's more."

"Oooooooh Yeah." I grinned.

"Anyway, it seems completely out of character that he wouldn't kill you by now."

"Hey he's threatened to do so."

"Yeah, but your still alive!"

"Man, you really do hate me." I muttered.

"WTF IS YOUR SECRET!"

"I'm sorry its not mine, it's 'Victoria's Secret'."

"NO! WHY WONT HE KILL YOU!"

"Um, I think you find that out in chapter 25…"

"Oh…okay I guess I can wait that long."

I shrugged and noticed Voldemort was stepping into the room.

"Hey!" I said cheerily.

"…"

"Fine don't say hi."

"…"

"Are you giving me the silent treatment?" I asked.

Voldemort crossed his arms. "…"

"You know I cant be sure your giving me the silent treatment."

He grimaced. "Yes! I'm giving you the silent treatment."

"You're not doing a good job."

He growled at me. "Anyway," I said, "there's something you haven't said to me in over three hours."

"What?"

"I'm going to kill you Christine." I said shaking my finger.

He raised an eyebrow. "I'm going to kill you Christine." He said plainly.

"Oh come on you can do better than that."

"I'm GOING to kill you Christine."

"Pfft, not with that attitude. Come on I hear that special ring to it. Add more emphasis to the kill."

"I'm going to KILL you Christine."

"No, no, no, not like that. You can do better Tom. Where's that evil tiger in you, come on! GRRRR!"

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU CHRISTINE!"

"Aah there is it." I said punching him playfully in the arm. "This time it sounded like you meant it."

He growled at me.

"See there's the tiger. GRRR!"

Just then there was a knock on the door. There was a slight pause and Voldemort glared at me.

I shrugged. "Hey I don't know who it is? Remember this chapter has a lack of a plot. Hey have you noticed none of the chapters have titles?"

Voldemort shrugged and opened the door and in stumbled Wormtail and a happy couple stood in the doorway.

"Wormtail who are these people." Voldemort growled at him.

"Oh we're the neighbors." Said the blonde hair man.

His wife finally noticed Voldemort's face, "For the love of God-AAAAHHH! MY EYES! OH GOD I FEEL THE BURN!" then she fainted graciously on the flowerbed on the side of the porch.

I smiled at the blonde haired man, he looked at me nervously. "I'm sorry my wife-,"

"Oh its okay." I said. "He's gets that all the time. We'll send you the money to cover for the eye surgery."

Voldemort glared at me and I just smiled back at him. "Wormtail why were you outside?" I hissed at him.

"I think the mailman's a German spy." He whispered back. I shot him an odd look.

"Uh, so what brings you here." Voldemort said to man.

He handed him a pie. "Um I'm Billy and we wanted to give you a neighborly welcome. We weren't sure whether anyone lived here but the mailman confirmed it."

"See I told you he's a German spy." Wormtail hissed at me.

I sighed. "Okay fine he's a spy, but he's not German."

Voldemort took Billy's pie and smiled.

"OMG! HE SMILED!" I screamed.

Billy gave me an awkward look.

"WE NEED TO TAKE A PICTURE!"

"Um I'm guessing he doesn't smile often." Billy said.

"Duh! We need to send to the museum."

Voldemort shot me a dirty look and slammed the door close.

"Hey we didn't even get to say goodbye." I complained.

"Christine," he began, "I'm going to find a way to make your life miserable."

"Okay…good luck with that." With one final glare he and Wormtail left.

I smiled at Belatrix. "See still alive."

"Wow…cant wait till chapter 25, hopefully you do die."

"You know your gonna next victim."

8888888

"Christine what are you doing?" Belatrix asked she entered our room.

"Oh just watching a tape." I said.

"What's that?"

"Well I hid some cameras in Malfoy and Snape's room and I knew you'd want to watch. So here is a recorded video of what Snape does in his spare time."

Belatrix gave me a weird look. "Um…okay I don't know what those muggle gadgets are but hey whatever."

We watched as the video showed Snape humming to himself in the empty room. He grabbed a comb from the dresser. "Ohh I look so darn sexy." He said to himself and combed his hair.

I grimaced and watched as Belatrix had an awed expression.

Snape flipped his hair to the side as if he were practicing for a shampoo commercial. "Head and Shoulders." He said into the mirror.

He started humming into the brush and began singing like a pop star.

_"Dear Diary_

_Mood: Apathetic_

_My life is spiraling downward  
I couldn't get enough money to go to the Blood Red Romance and Suffocate Me Dry concert  
It sucks cause they play some of my favorite songs like "Stab my heart because I love you" and "Rip apart my soul" and of course "Stabby rip stab stab" And It doesn't help that I couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thing either…like that guy from that band can do….some days you know..._

_I'm an emo kid, non-conforming as can be  
You'd be non-conforming too if you look just like me  
I have paint on my nails and makeup on my face  
I'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs  
Cause I feel real deep when dressing in drag  
I call it freedom of expression, most just call me a fag  
Our dudes look like chicks and chicks look like dykes  
Cause emo is one step below transvestite_

_Stop my breathing and slit my throat  
I must be emo_

_I don't jump around when I go to shows  
I must be emo_

_I'm dark and sensitive with low self esteem  
The way I dress makes everyday feel like Halloween  
I have no real problems but I like to make believe  
I stole my sister's mascara now I'm grounded for a week  
Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies  
I can't get through a hawthorne heights album without sobbing  
Girls keep breaking up with me, it's never any fun  
They say they already have a pussy, they don't need another one_

_Stop my breathing and slit my throat  
I must be emo_

_I don't jump around when I go to shows  
I must be emo_

_Dye in my hair and polish on my toes  
I must be emo_

_I play guitar and write suicide notes  
I must be emo_

_my life is just a black abyss... ya know..it's so dark. And it's suffocating me, grabbing a hold of me and tightening its grip, tighter than a pair of my little sisters jeans...which look great on me by the way._

_When I get depressed I cut my wrist in every direction  
Hearing songs about getting dumped gives me an erection  
I write in a live journal and wear thick rimmed glasses  
I tell my friends I bleed black and cry during classes  
I'm just a bad, cheap imitation of goth  
You can read me "Catcher in the Rye" and watch me jack off  
I wear skin tight clothes while hating my life  
If I said that I like girls I'd only be half right_

_I look like I'm dead and dress like a homo  
I must be emo_

_Screw xbox I play old school Nintendo  
I must be emo_

_I like to whine and hate my parentals  
I must be emo_

_Me and my friends all look like clones  
I must be emo_

_My parents don't get me ya know  
They think I'm gay just because they saw me kiss a guy… well, a couple guys …but still, I mean it's the 2000's, can't two…or 4 dudes make out with each other without being gay  
I mean, chicks dig that kinda thing anyways  
I don't know diary, sometimes I think you are the only one that gets me…you're my best friend  
I feel like tacos"_

When the song was finished I could only laugh and give Belatrix a pitiful smile. "Wow, that's some guy you like. Figures, he's emo."

88888

**Sorry for the wait, this chapter wasnt great but i did it when i was bored. I'm planning so much more but because i havent been getting reviews i might delete this story all together, but those who want more do review...or else its bye bye...**


	16. Chapter 16

It was the next day and no one was up except Voldemort and me. He was sitting in his favorite armchair and I sat in the one across the room.

I watched him.

He watched me.

I watched him watch me.

He watched me watch him watching me.

I watched him watch me watching him watching me.

Wait…I'm confused? What are we doing again?

Oh yes…the watching of each other…

Then it clicked what could be more annoying? I magically conjured a skipping rope and began…skipping! While singing a random song.

"I have a little pony named Minkles! He has a turkey named Tinkles!"

Voldemort threw something at me.

"Be careful! You almost hit me with that!"

He growled under his breath.

"What's that? You want a pretzel?"

He stood up and was a head taller than me. "Hey why're you so tall? I'm the hero of this story, you're crampin' my style."

Voldemort rolled his eyes and sat back down. "What do you want Christine?"

"Well…" I began incredulously and sat in the seat closest to him. "Can I confide in you?"

"Uh…no."

"Okay great. So anyways-," I broke off from there and became distracted looking at his nose.

"What?"

I continued to stare.

"What!" he said irritably.

"Well…nothing really…"

"Well what is it?"

"Oh, I thought you knew!"

"What do you mean?"

"Your NOSE! It's hideous!"

He glared down at me. "Do you know you can get that fixed?" I said. "Honestly want me to recommend some people. Uncle Lucius has had a-," I glanced around and whispered the rest in his ear.

"Really?" he asked. "Wow, I always thought that was his wand in his pocket."

"Nope…he's had a little enlargement." I said nodding.

"Wow…that's not the point! What did you want to tell me?"

I looked at him solemnly. "For day's it gave me nightmares…"

"Uh huh." He said listening.

"It was a constant reminder of horrible the world is. I can't believe the injustice in the world. I can still hear them taunting him, _Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids_."

"…"

"I mean why couldn't he just have one bowl!" I asked. "Is the world so cruel!"

"…"

"What happened?" I asked sweetly.

"Christine…" he said very slowly. "Are…you…like slow?"

"Tom…are…you like…fucked…in the head?" I replied.

Suddenly it became deadly quiet.

Cue crickets.

Chirp. Chirp. Chirp.

"Put that away." He growled. I shrugged and put the nature tape away. Maybe I shouldn't have asked the Dark Lord if he was fucked in the head…naahhhh.

"Christine," he began, "you've been very disruptive in the past few days so you're going to be punished. You are here by sentenced to the dungeons with only water for a week."

"…"

"Christine?"

"Huh? Oh sorry, were you saying something?" I asked, although I was listening. Yeah it's fun to see him go beet red. "Did you say something about breakfast?"

"I talking about your punishment!" he yelled.

"Really Tom, you shouldn't mumble. I've got no idea what you're saying."

"I'M GOING TO EXTEND YOUR PUNISHMENT FOR THAT!"

"You want to borrow a hat?"

"AHHHHH!"

"Again with the mumbling." I said shaking my head.

"You are-,"

"Can I have vacation?" I asked.

"Wha-no!"

"Why not?"

"It was one of the rules and besides you've only been here for a few days."

"Wow I've caused that much havoc in less than a week! I so totally rock!" I said excitedly. "Anyway, fine can I have a sleepover?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"What part of no don't you understand?"

"The NO part. Look I'll put a memory charms on the guests, they'll never know!"

Ding Dong!

"There's someone at the door!!!" I screamed.

"Why you screaming I'm standing right here…"

"'Cuz it's fun. So you going to get the door?" I asked smiling. "Remember last time, you almost killed our neighbors and you didn't even have to use a wand?"

"You go get it." He said.

"Only if you let me have a sleepover."

"NO!"

"Fine. You get it then." I said smugly.

"…Fine, but you have to use a memory charm."

I smiled widely; wow this was almost way too easy. I opened the door and there on the front door step was a baby in a basket.

"It's for you TOM!"

Voldemort came over and looked down. "What the hell is that?"

"A baby, just be sure you don't try to kill it." I said and began walking away.

"Wait, I'm not taking care of it! You are." He said.

"Tom, Tom, Tom," I said shaking my head, "how do I prepare for a sleepover if I have to take care of the baby. You'll have to do it."

He looked back down at it and grimaced. "I'll make-,"

"No, you can't have someone else do it! The death eaters will lose faith in you if you don't take care of a measly baby."

Voldemort glared at me and look back down the baby. He picked up the blue card attached to its basket.

"What's its name?" I asked.

"…."

"Hello?"

"…"

I rolled my eyes and took the paper from him. "Ohhh, I see. His name is Tom! Awww, how cute!"

Voldemort grumbled something and glared down at the baby who was sleeping. A sudden smell came into the air. "Wow, guess you gotta change him." I said walking away."

"Wait what? I don't know how too!"

"The dark lord, the greatest wizard of all time…doesn't know how to change a baby's diaper. Pitiful. It's like taking candy from a baby…but then again for some of us it's a little harder." I looked pointedly at him before going back up the stairs.

"Aargghh!" he growled crankily.

I looked back at him, "Aww, does little widdle Voldiemort need a nappy-poo?" Before he say anymore I aparated to my room to find Bellatrix sitting on her bed.

"Hey, Bellatrix." I said cheerily.

"Why're you so happy?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing it's just easy to trick Voldemort." I said smiling. She raised an eyebrow. "Hey have you wondered as to how easy it is to kill Voldemort?"

"What! How could you even think that?" she cried out horrified.

"Well look at it this way, you can easily use a gun to shoot him."

"Or feed him so many peanut butter items he chokes on them."

"Yeah, now you're getting it. Oh how about poisoning him."

"Or trapping him a room full of devil snare."

"Oh, oh even better, get all the death eaters to say Avada Kedavra and kill him!"

"Yeah, that is good."

Just then the door opened and there stood Voldemort.

"AHHHH IT'S THE WIZARD VERSION OF MICHEAL JACKSON! RUNNNNN!" I yelled.

"What were you two talking about?" he rolled his eyes and asked.

"Um…how much we love your shoes." I said.

We looked down at his feet and he was wearing socks and sandals. "Uh…are you gay Tom?"

"What? No!"

"Then what's with the footwear and why do like staring at Snapes butt?"

"How'd you know that- I mean of course not!" he said horrified.

"Right…so what were you here for again?"

"You cant have your sleep over today." He said firmly.

"What! What? WHAT!"

"Yeah."

"Why not?"

He rolled his eyes. "We're having a celebration today, remember."

Bellatrix's eyes lit up, "You mean the ball we're going to have!"

"Wait what? A party…with music…and happiness?" I asked.

They shot me a look. "Do you ever pay attention in death eater meetings."

"Oh, are you referring chapter 3?" I asked.

"What?"

"I don't know, what I just say?" I asked blankly.

"Anyway, yeah we're having the ball to celebrate the end of Dumbledore."

"Oh yeah, cuz its sooo hard to kill an old man who's more than a hundred years old." I said.

He narrowed his eyebrows. "All the death eaters will be arriving today and we'll be sending messages through this."

He gestured to a brown rusty wooden box. "A tele-message, it's faster than an owl and messages are sent instantly." Just as he said a ring sounded from the box. "Oh a message!" he said. He read the letter. "Great, Loyd is coming in about 2 hours."

"So it's a like a telephone?" I asked. I got nothing in response. "Man, have you guys been living under rocks?"

"Well, Christine as a punishment you're going to be watching the tele-messager and taking all the messages."

"Oh wow, it's so hard." I said rolling my eyes, I mean how lame could his punishments get?

"What you say?" he asked.

"Was I thinking out loud again?"

"No…."

"Oh, okay good. Anyway, hand me the box and let the torture begin." I said dramatically.

Voldemort gave me a weird look and walked out of the room.

"Hey Bellatrix." I said.

"Yeah?"

"If a girl with big boobs works at Hooters, where would a girl with one leg work?"

"Are you serious?"

"IHOP!" I screamed.

"What?"

"Get it. The Ihop is a restaurant and the girl with the one leg and the- ah, never mind, you're as dumb dirt anyway."

"I'll ignore that." Bellatrix said. "Anyway if you get a message for me just send it to me ok."

I nodded then realized something. "Hey this was here last week right in the living room right?"

"Yeah, why?"

**Flashback **

_I walked through the living room when I heard a little ring. I searched around for what could've caused the noise. It was a box with a message in it. _

"_Hmmm it's for Bellatrix." I read the note. "I'll give her the message later, it's not like I would forget." _

**End Flashback**

"Well?" Bellatrix asked.

"Oh your Grandma messaged last week saying she was going to travel the muggle way to avoid detection."

"Uh huh…and?"

"Oh you want the rest of the message? …Oh yeah, she messaged last Thursday saying she needed a ride. She said was outside the airport on the turf."

"WHAT!!" she shrieked. "And you're telling me now!"

"Well duh I just remembered." I said shrugging. "Well I'm leaving now…bye!" I left the room smiling mischievously when I bumped into-

"Malfoy." I snarled.

"Oh it's you."

"Yeah, I'm thrilled to see you too."

"What are you doing with that?" He pointed at the tele-messager.

"I'm going to start a bonfire with this, you got a problem? Oh by the way how are your clean robes doing you. Patched up the holes yet?"

He growled at me. "You tricked us. You offered to clean Snape's laundry and mine and instead you destroyed our clothes! They have bloody holes!"

"Yeah, that was fun. Did you see the robe with the Dora the Explorer patch?"

He narrowed his eyebrows. "You're going to pay." He breathed.

I choked back a cough. "I think I just paid for that crime after seeing your face."

"Oh you know you want me."

"In your dreams you cocksucker."

"Oh girls got a mouth eh?" he smirked.

"Oh shove it and twist Malfoy." I tried to get past him but he moved to block my path.

"Look, I have no times to give you a lap dance I have to annoy Voldie right now, so if you could make like a tree and leave." I said bitterly.

"I know what you're doing." He said.

"Oh wow- I mean-Oh no, the tragedy! How could this have happened." I said dramatically. Finally Malfoy had caught on I was waiting for this.

"I know you, and this 'annoying thing' your doing is part of a bigger plan."

I rolled my eyes. "Wow ya caught me."

"If it's to bring the Dark Lord down…I'm in."

"Wait what? In? Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm willing to bring him down."

"Well that was easy- I mean- I don't think so. Not until you prove yourself." I said smugly.

"What? How do I do that?"

"Get the two most loyal followers of Voldie on our side." I said with a small smile.

"What Bellatrix and Snape?" He asked.

"Thank God you catch on quickly and yeah."

"But how do I do that?"

"Well Bella likes Snape." I said.

"She told you?"

"In not to so many words, but I know its true."

"Oh well good cuz Snape does too."

"Well duh, of course he likes himself."

"No, I mean Snape likes Bella."

"Big shocker there." I said yawning. "Anyway, we have to get them together, than we'll convince them to join with us. If Snape does it then Bella will."

"What if neither of them want to do it?" he asked.

"Malfoy, you silly perv, I have this thought out. We don't have to tell them truth. You tell Snape Bella's joining and he'll join, even if she isn't really and it trick Bella the same way."

"But wont they realize the truth when we're all together."

I sighed heavily and shook my head. "They'll be in far too deep to pull out."

"…"

"What?"

"…"

"Ugh, Malfoy your sick!"

"Well you did say 'in far too deep to pull out'."

"Oh come on, at a time like this, be serious!"

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Well it's a good plan."

"Duh. I made it. I am a genius." I said smiling. "Now if you will excuse me, I have something important to do."

I left him standing alone in the hallway. I hurried down to an empty room. I locked the door and sat down on the cold floor. I pulled out a parchment from my pocket. I smiled mischievously as I placed in the box. I closed the lid and tapped the top with my wand.

I pictured the letter in my mind.

_Hey, _

_It's me Christine. I wont be sending my owl anymore. This is a much easier way to communicate as long as no one sees the letters. There is no way these will be intercepted and they'll reach you instantly. Only send letters in response to mine. _

_The first part of my plan has now just been executed. Malfoy is on my side, took him long enough to figure out what I was doing. Sometimes I marvel as to how clueless he is. Now I've convinced him to help me get Bellatrix and Snape on our side. _

_Don't worry I know what I have to do next…to help you. I will interrogate Wormtail later; I believe he knows more than we give him credit for. _

_Everyone thinks I'm that perky annoying girl, but wait until they found out my true character. I am quite the actress, but it is fun pissing off Voldie. If I get out of this I think I'll still continue the "annoying act". _

_Well, we're having a ball tonight, gives me another excuse to wreak havoc. I want to show the death eaters that he wont hurt me and if they were on my side they wouldn't get hurt. This is another way to show Bellatrix that Snape likes her…an odd pair I know. _

_Oh by the way thanks for sending the fake baby like I asked. It looks so real, Ebay has some good stuff. Oh and nice touch with the "Tom". I don't think he's killed it yet, wait till he finds out it's a metal and plastic. _

_I'll get back to you with more of the secret info….Tonight is going to rock. _

_Member of HA, _

_Christine_

I got up to leave the room when there was another ring. I opened the box to see a note.

_Dear Bellatrix, _

_We are coming for the festivities tonight. _

_P.S. : What happens when you put your hand into a jar of jelly beans? _

_The black ones steal your watch. _

_From, _

_Mike E. _

I smiled and rolled my eyes and conjured a quill and scribbled something on the back of the parchment.

_That's very racial…funny but still racist. _

_Christine_

I waited for a reply and sure enough there was one. I chuckled and took out the new crisp paper.

_Dear Christine, _

_I've heard about you, you're the one who likes to anger the Dark Lord. Besides I am colored… so if I make a joke about my race, its just me being a good sport. _

_Mike E._

I smirked slightly at what he wrote and responded.

_Well, forgive me for not knowing. Glad to know I'm famous. You'll have quite a show tonight. _

_PS. What do you call Vietnamese who tries to go black? _

_Vinegar._

_The one and only _

_Christine_

I expected another letter from this "Mike" but when I opened the box there was frilly pink paper with an odd scent.

_Dear Draco, _

Sweetie its me Kimmi. My mother and me are coming to the ball. Can't wait to see you da'ling.

_Lots of Love From, _

_Your Sexy Kimmi_

I gasped and choked back a scream. I ripped up the paper into a million little pieces.

Kim, of all the people to become a death eater it had to be her. It wasn't surprising, she always tried to go and do whatever Malfoy did. She came every summer to the Malfoy Manor and she is such a little slut I want to kill her.

She is so freaking annoying and stupid it's amazing, and I've seen my share of dumb people.

A smile played on my lips…maybe this wouldn't be so bad. I have a little surprise for Kimmi da'ling.

Muahh hahah ahaha ah ah (cough) (splutter) (choke)…

Yeah I'm to take a retry on that evil laugh…

8888888

The ball room was enlarged three times bigger and the Grande staircase was decorated so extravagantly that when you came down you were the star for a few moments time.

Bellatrix and I were standing a few feet away outside of the entrance.

"Come on, let's get inside." She said pulling me.

"Wait a second Bella." I said rolling my eyes. "I want to make sure Malfoy's in there."

"What is it with you and him? Its kinda of gross to love your own cousin." She said.

"Uh, who said I loved him?" I asked. "Besides we're not cousins."

"You're not?" said a new voice and we turned to see Snape in his dress robes.

"Oh Snape you added extra grease in your hair for this special occasion." I said smugly.

"It's not extra grease."

"Well definitely isn't the light emo man." I said trying to hold in my laughter.

"What-how did y-huh?" he stammered.

"Yeah we know your secret. When you said cats scratched you on your wrists I knew it wasn't true. I guess its because your suicidal and emo." Said Bellatrix.

"What! No, I'm not emo, honest!" he protested.

"Okay can we get back to me. I'm the one with the good looks here." I said.

"Anyway you asked why I wasn't Malfoy's cousin. Well here it is, the big bomb has dropped, the cards are on the table, the cats out of the bag-,"

"Just get on with it, Wormtail hired hookers and we get free lap dances until seven."

"…" I said.

"…" said Bellatrix.

"What, I have my needs."

"Um, back to less disturbing things. I'm not related to Malfoys in any way. I was forced with them since I was born. I was brought up with them with Narcissa and Lucius as my aunt and uncle. One day Aunt Narcissa let it slip when I was only 10, that I was disobedient and if I were really her niece she would throw me out. Malfoy knew all along I wasn't related to him."

"Wow, but you still call them aunt and uncle."

"Yeah, just because they hate acting like I'm related to them. When we have family get togethers I would deliberately cause damage to embarrass them. My father dropped me there when I was only two weeks old with specific instructions as to what school I must go to and that's why I'm a death eater."

"That's interesting and all…" began Snape. "But seriously its ten minutes to seven, I think I have a quickie." He said and left.

"Well that was an interesting tale…" Bellatrix said.

"Yeah, you don't even know the half of it." I said smiling.

"But when do we find out about your past?"

"Oh it's a long dark tale, if it was revealed now then everyone would know why I don't die easily."

"Oh…damn you Chapter 25! Come quickly!" She screamed into the air.

"Are you crazy?"

"No…" she said quietly. "No matter what daddy says."

"Um…yeah, how about you go in now. I have something to do." I said with a fake smile.

"Your not going to wear that are you?" she asked pointing at my black plain robe.

"Oh know, the goods are in here." I laughed and pushed her through the entrance.

I waited to make sure everyone was inside before take off my robe. I had my real outfit underneath. I had on a dark purple satin dress. It had a halter top and flowed down just below my knews. There was a low cut on the back of the dress. My dark hair was pinned up with small jewels and my emerald green eyes sparkled against the silver eye shadow. I rarely ever wore makeup the most was a thin layer of eye shadow. It's not as it I needed it.

Anyway I cleared my throat and pointed my wand into the air. I saw the lights slowly dim and every head turn to the Grande staircase. I walked through the thin curtains and onto the top of the staircase.

I heard a slight gasp from every one in the room. I gave a small smile and walked slowly down the long staircase. I waved my wand behind my back again and fast music started.

**(A/N: IMPORTANT!!! **

**PLEASE READ ALL THE LYRICS-EVERY SINGLE WORD!)**

I gave another smile before I began singing. I walked like model down the stairs with my hand at my slim waist.

"_Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman_

_And from that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed"_

I heard more people gasp and some even shrieked. I waved my hand across the room.

"_I'm wrecking this evening already and loving **every minute** of it"_

I saw Malfoy wink at me. I rolled my eyes and continued in a loud voice.

"_Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and..."_

I blew a kiss into the air and winked. I was so cocky but I was loving it. I had reached the end of the staircase and headed towards Voldemort.

"_When you're in black slacks with accentuating, off-white, pinstripes_

_**Whoa, everything goes according to plan**"_

I patted his ugly dress robes and whispered the last line.

"_I am the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it_

_Because you say so under your breath"_

I walked over to the girl whose dress was short it didn't count as a dress. It was a tight and red and a little see through. It was KIMMI! She obviously had a pushup bra and had magically made the dress even more low cut. I rolled my eyes and pushed her back.

"_You're reading lips "When did she get at all confident?"_

I heard Kimmi shriek I smiled and walked closer to her. With each step she backed away from me.

"_Next is a trip to the, the ladies room in vain, and_

_I bet you just can't keep up with these fashionistas!"_

Kimmi gasped, "How dare ya. I have style."

"Oh shove it." I said smugly.

"_Tonight, tonight you are, you are a whispering campaign_

_I bet to them your name is "Cheap"_

I looked to Snape and pointed at him.

"**_I bet to them you look like sh—,"_** I put my fingers to my lips.

He stood with his mouth open. I chuckled and continued singing.

"_Talk to the mirror, choke back tears._

_And keep telling yourself that "I'm a diva!"_

I conjured a paper fan and pretended to be a diva and closed it and with a flick out my wrist it became a flock of seagulls and went after Kimmi.

I climbed on the top of the table and began a little dance.

"_Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?_

_Never looked better, and you can't stand it"_

I sang the last note and heard a few death eaters whispering. Voldemort began walking towards me but I pointed my wand to Malfoy who began singing as well.

The music changed and the only lights were shone on only me, Malfoy, Bellatrix, Kimmi, and Voldemort.

Malfoy sang:

"_This is a seasonal affair  
So be there or be square  
And the invitation said so"_

He paused and shook his head at Voldemort.

"_**So let that ego go."**_

I took it from there:

"_And watch it **strike back** like a boomerang  
Scared stiff and not sure how to deal with it"_

I looked at Malfoy and we nodded.

"_You're a legend in this room"_ Sang Malfoy.

I whispered the next part: "**_Only on this room_**"

I flicked my finger at him and waved my hand at my mouth pretending to have offended him.

"_Oh goodness me  
Oh goodness my mind has slipped  
**And wiped you away from** it"_

I turned around patted my butt and smirked at him, I pointed at Bellatrix who began to sing.

"Same shit, different day  
Same shit  
Same shit, different day"

Malfoy began to laugh but I pointed at him and he began to sing again:

"_Now lets, lets backtrack and back it up  
We have a whole lot to prove"_

I began again and the three of us stood together in a line and began dancing at the same time. We ambled up and down. We all pointed at Kimmi who was so shocked she didn't move.

"_You **hike your skirt**  
And pull your shirt down  
To give those gents what they **crave**_"

I slid my hands down my chest for emphasis. I raised an eyebrow and looked for her expression. She had gone beet red.

"_Because as you say  
You love to save  
**To save**"_

Bellatrix who counted control herself considering I had her under my spell.

Malfoy began again:

"_Some have labeled me so savvy  
And I'll admit"_

I pushed him to the side, _"__I agree to disagree"_

He rolled his eyes. I walked up to him, "**_Do your knees go weak when I simply speak?"_**

"_And did you, did you hear that I am so charming_?" he sang. He was under spell before but now he was doing it to spite me. I smiled and yawned.

I turned to Voldemort and bowed,

"_Oh yeah and I bow and bow  
But I'm not sure I can bare it"_

Malfoy chuckled and grabbed Kimmi by the waist who giggled delightedly. She gave me a satisfied look, which was supposed to make me jealous. Instead it made me angry. She thought she was better oh but I had another song up my sleeve.

The whole room erupted with light and eyes turned to me. I grinned placidly and blew a fake kiss to Malfoy. I saw Kimmi grit her teeth and reach for her wand. Which was weird because there was no pocket.

"_Everyone's a let down  
It just depends on how far down they can go"_

I bend down slowly and went back with my finger beckoning Malfoy. He let go of Kimmi and put his arms around my waist. I looked at Kimmi and pointed at her.

"_In every circle of friends there's **a whore**  
The one who flirts  
And does **a little more**"_

Malfoy grinned and pulled away,

"_But who's to say?  
This is a social scene anyway  
And everybody wants to explore the new girl"_

My jaw dropped, he had broken out of spell and was singing against me. "What are you doing Malfoy." I growled.

"Oh I couldn't let you have all the fun."

Oh it was fun he wanted eh?

"_Caught up in her own hard liquor world"_

He smiled and shrugged. "_But liquor doesn't exist in my world  
But liquor doesn't exist in my world"_

I shook my head and gave him a piercing look.

"_And if you lie you don't deserve to have friends  
If you lie you don't deserve to have them"  
_

He smiled and pulled me closer and took my hand and spun me around pulled me into a dip. Kimmi stormed up and ripped me away from her.

I shook my shoulders and flicked my hair back seductively. "Oh give it up Kimmi."

"_You are a sell out  
But you **couldn't even do that right**  
So your **price tag** has been **slashed**" _

She gasped and moved to slap me. I moved easily and flipped her bird. She lunged for me and I moved aside easily. She lay breathless on the tiled floor.

"_And now you're chillin' on a half priced clearance rack"_

Malfoy helped Kimmi up and kissed her on the cheek and sang the next verse.

"_The social scene where she gets her fix  
Has been broken since '86"  
_

She smiled and gave me a nasty look.

"He just insulted you, you idiot!" I said rolling my eyes.

"_Now just look at that social clique  
Do you really wanna be a part of it?"  
_

I sang pointing at Kimmi whose mouth hung open. Malfoy shrugged and pulled Kimmi closer.

"_Let's not let us forget  
Where she gets the habit"_

I walked around them and snatched Kimmi's purse.

"_She gets the pills from her skills  
She gets the skills from the pills"_

I pulled out a bottle and emptied out the pills onto the floor. She ran for me again I yawned and stuck out my foot. She tripped and the death eaters started laughing.

"And now for my final act!" I said. I held out my arms and spun around so my purple dress swished around me.

New music started and I sang my last bit for the night.

"_You have a jump in your step  
But a rip in your,  
A rip in your rep  
And everybody knows it  
So be sure to be proud  
And don't forget **you aren't allowed to brag**"_

I pointed at Malfoy who couldn't control himself and began singing.

_I spend **more time** in front of mirrors  
Than **any gent should**  
Because let's face it  
One on one is more fun anyway  
And everybody knows it  
But I'm not so proud  
And I'll never be the one to brag"  
_

Everyone began to laugh even Snape had snorted out some fire whisky from his nose. "Ahhh it burns!!!!" he screamed but everyone ignored him.

I bowed in front of everyone and accepted the round of applause. I saw Voldemort walking towards me from the corner of my eyes.

I pointed at him and he began singing:

"_This is a party without the people  
This is a show without the sounds  
This is a dance without the steps  
Now I gave you the clues, so find what I've found  
This is a party without the people  
This is a show without the sounds  
Now I gave you the clues, so find what I've found _

**Drama doesn't follow me it rides on my back  
I may be ugly but they sure love to stare**"

"Oohh…not a pretty song choice." I said grimacing. Ah…got to love Panic! and Cute is What we Aim For. Muggle music all the way.

There was a deathly silence and everyone watched Voldemort was breathing heavily and had his wand pointed at me.

I smiled and held out my arms. "Come on Tom give me your best."

He grinned wryly.

"**CRUICO!"**

888888

**Ah, yes well this chapter was kinda sucky I made up for it by making it 21 pages long. There was no humor but I left quite a few bit of clues in this chapter which play into affect later…**

**Not a great cliff hanger but hey what ever, I got what I got. **

**Anyway, I was so close to deleting this then you pool together four extra reviews than originally planned, so I decided to keep it…but if I still don't get enough then its bye-bye. **

**We're so close to 100! Whoo hoo! **

**Oh and you must listen to the songs used in the fic. The first one was by Panic! at the disco. "Theres a reason these tables are numbered honey, you just haven't figured it out." **

**And the rest are by Cute is what we Aim For! **

**So despite by the lame update REVIEW!!! **


	17. Author's Note

**A/N: **

Okay, sadly this is not a chapter, just a heads up that I may discontinue this. Anyway, if it isn't, in the previous chapter it was mentioned that our favorite character Christine is having a sleepover.

So, I need some guests, if you want to be one of dear Christy's guests, review.

If you want to be a guest state the following info:

**Name:** make it up/ your real name/ or username

**Gender**

**Favorite color **

**Obsession **

Or any other info you think will help me describe your character.

I have been planning this for some time, so I'm finally glad I go to this!

So remember, if you want to be a guest **REVIEW!! **

Oh and to all those hopefuls, no this does not count as a chapter so NO you are not this much closer to Chapter 25!


	18. Chapter 17 part one

**I HAVE RETURNED….WITH AN UPDATE! **

**No, I haven't died…I was here the whole time, just never got a chance to update…I'm not gonna lie, this story does suck big time and that was the main reason I didn't update, and the second is I had no more motivation or ideas…**

**Anyways, if you want to suffer through reading this chapter, by all means go ahead. It's Chapter 17 1/2 because the chapter would've been really long, so I had to cut it into two….and also because I haven't written the second part and I'm just stalling. **

**Anyone who's been away for a while, or just forgot what's happening: It's Sleepover time! **

**The guests will come in, in the order they reviewed, so if you aren't in this half it's because you'll be there in the next update. **

**If you get confused, don't remember what you put your name as in the review, or all of the above here is the guest list for this half: **

Ruchiesmooch- Ruchie 

**Peridot-Horntail- Peridot **

Lifebeforetaxes- Julie 

**ElemenTalia- Varine LaMyncha**

**Criminally Insane Hermit- Lily**

**The dark side has cookies- Sera **

**Sapphire Alia Moondust- Baylie **

**Katey- Katelyn **

**Mr. Smilez- Alexis **

**WARNING: This chapter is Rated R for really boring.**

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I smiled evilly as I jotted a few more notes on my paper. I stood up in the room and began to laugh feverishly.

"You think you can beat me, but just you wait and watch.

There's so much I can do and with this sleepover and you have

no idea what hell you agreed to. Slowly the dominos of my

plan are falling. Once this is over I will have all the pieces I

need to advance in this game we're playing Voldemort. I

may seem like a little annoyance but beneath it all is a genius

with a plot that'll break you."

With that I threw my head back and laughed manically. "Muhahahahahahahahahaa-Bella do you mind?" I stopped my rant as she entered the room. "I was in the middle of a very important soliloquy."

"Yeah, I could tell by the laughter and that big paragraph you just said." She said rolling her eyes.

"Were you eavesdropping?" I gasped.

"No, you're just _really_ loud."

"…oh, that's not good." I concluded.

"So what's with the whole sleepover-evil-plan thing you doing?" she asked plopping onto the saggy mattress on her bed.

I smirked. "Why do you ask?"

"Just curious." She said shrugging.

"Dead cat."

"What?"

"Curiosity killed the cat." I said as-a-matter-of-factly.

"So?"

"Your curious."

"But I'm not a cat." She said, still confused.

"Yeah, but its an expression."

"But you started it off by saying 'dead cat'?"

I nodded, "Well…yeah that's the first that popped into my mind, then it was monkey riding a unicycle."

"What's the point of this?" she finally asked.

"You'll understand." I looked at my watch, "In three…two…"

"OH!"

"….one." I finished.

"You're trying to point out that, there's no way your telling me the evil plan you have in mind." She said smiling and then realized what she said. "Wait…"

I smiled, "No, it wasn't for no reason because it really is entertaining confusing you. Well-look at the time, I have a bit of evil planning to do. Adieu." I winked and closed the door behind me. Oh it's so much fun leaving her guessing, it drives her insane.

"What're you planning now?" said a voice behind me. I turned to see Malfoy leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

I gave a quick glance and turned away. "Hello." He started walking beside me.

"You never answered me question, what're you planning?"

"Nothing." I said coyly.

"And the sleepover?"

I gave a weird look, "How do you know about that?"

"I heard you ranting about it when I was in the hallway." He said, the corners of his lips lifting in a slight smile.

"Oh." Damn, was I really that loud? I cleared my throat and walked by him. "What happened to Kimmi?"

"How would I know?" he asked, still following me.

"Didn't you two shag last night?" I rolled my eyes.

He chuckled as he ruffled his hair. "Do you think I'd waste my time with her?" he looked at me with his glassy blue eyes peering out behind the strands of blonde hair caught in front of his face.

I shrugged, "Well I thought you were-,"

"A man-whore?" he finished. I nodded as he gave another sly smile. "Or did you hope I was?"

I scoffed, "What makes you think I'd be interested in a prat like you?"

"Because," he began but then hesitated, "nah, you aren't worth it."

I blinked, "Ha! What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." He ruffled his hair again with his arm stretching in the air and I noticed his shirt was half unbuttoned. "So? Do you still need me to prove myself to join you?"

"Yeah, a deals a deal. Get Bella and Snape together and you can," I stepped up to him and looked down at his shirt and smirked, "join me."

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I looked down at my sheet, 19 guests. I smiled valiantly in the broom closet. Sure it wasn't the best of places to plot and evil plan but what are the chances of anyone finding me here?

The door to the broom closet opened, "Christine! There you are, I thought I'd find you in here." Wormtail's voice interrupted my thoughts. Typical, the dim wit would find me; I should've realized that when I saw the piles of cheese packed in here. Strangely the broom closet didn't have a broom…but had cheese, yeah Voldemort sure knows how to pick his death eaters.

"There's someone at the front door for you!" he said excitedly.

"Is it a stripper-gram?" I asked jokingly.

"A what?" he asked confused.

"Never mind." I pushed past him and ran for the door, I paused to fix my hair in the hallway mirror then pulled the door open. "Ruchie! Glad you could make it." In the doorway was my first guest of the evening. She was wearing a complete green outfit with green converse contrasting her dark skin and eyes. Her shoulder length hair was pulled back in an elegant clip so you could see her glasses framing her face.

"What's up Christy?" she asked smiling eagerly.

"Hey! Got the-," I stopped short and made sure no one was listening in, "_stuff_."

"Yup, I got the-_stuff._"

I smiled, "Good, I can't wait to use the-_stuff._"

"Yeah, _stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff_."

"Can you quit saying that?" I asked.

"Sorry."

"_Stuff_." I whispered.

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Ruchie was now upstairs in the room while waited by the door for the upcoming guests. I was flipping through the latest Death Eater Magazine. The topic of the week was whether Voldemort would ever have hair again, even eyebrows. I almost got up to the part about the methods use like what he to did to Snape with a special cream when I heard a knock on the door.

_Knock. Knock._

I opened the door slowly and began laughing as I saw a small green dragon on the front doorstep. It was cute and funny, but not in the least scary.

"Hi Peridot." I said trying to stop my laughter as the dragon began changing its form to a girl of average height, short brown hair and matching eyes.

"Don't laugh, I'm new at this whole animagus thing." She said dusting off her black shirt.

"Yeah, I could tell. Was that supposed to look intimidating?" I laughed.

"Well…"

"You're lucky no one mistook you for a large green seagull."

She gasped. "Does it really look that bad?"

I only chuckled and led her up to the room and opened the door to see Ruchie standing over a sleeping Bella.

"_Avada Kadevra!_" she kept shouting until she noticed us standing there. "I keep trying to do the spell but my wand just wont work!" she exclaimed.

"That's a stick." I said looking at the twig in her hand.

"You think she would've noticed the leaf sticking to it." Peridot snorted.

"Hey Peri!" Ruchie said throwing her stick at Bella who then fell off the bed.

"Christine…" Peridot began, "Is it okay if we did a few things to this-," she looked at Bella, "thing?"

I smiled, "She's all yours. Good ol' Peridot, the girl who enjoys making others suffer. You and Bella should get along well."

Just as I headed downstairs I heard a knock on the door once again. "Ah perfect timing." I threw open the door to a tall girl with short curly hair dressed in all pink, and I mean ALL PINK.

"Did you have a Legally Blonde marathon or something, Julie?" I asked scrunching my nose at the color.

"Nah, but I thought it would be perfect the occasion." She smiled evilly and I knew what she was thinking. "Soooo….is it true, _is it true_?" she bounded up and down.

I pretended as if I didn't know what she was talking about. "Is what true?"

"That Snape…lives here." She smiled widely.

"Unfortunately yes-," I started but her excited scream cut me off.

"AHHHHH! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! MY FAVORITE GREASY VILLAIN LIVING RIGHT HERE! AHHHH!"

"But then again how many greasy villains are there?"

"None, but still AHHHH! SNAPE! SEVERUS! SNAPPPEYY!" and before I knew it she had began to sing a …song?

"S is for slimy,

as A is for arse- I mean awesome!

P is for pathetic

And E is for extremely ugly!!"

I smiled, "You know I think I should introduce you to Snape." I grabbed Julie's hand though it was hard considering she had now added a creative dance. I led her through the long winding hall past the kitchen until I found Snape sitting in the secluded room. Nice.

"Snape this is Julie. Juile this is- well you know."

Her eyes widened. "…Oh …my…&$#….gosh!"

He gave a strange look from over the newspaper he was reading. "Uh…hello?"

She ran to sit beside him. "Like oh my god. I like can not totally believe it's you, like totally!"

Snape looked at me, "Does she do that often?"

I shook my head, "No, she started it now. She's just really excited to see you." And I knew it'd piss him off.

Julie flipped her short hair, "So Snape. No wait can I call you Severus. Oh no wait, Sevvy, or Snivelly, Or Snapey-poo!"

He looked dumbfounded, "I-uh-," but she had stopped and sat there staring at him. "Uh-hello?" he said waving his hand in front of her face.

"Ah Ha! You blinked!" she said jumping up.

"Yeah, so?"

"You lost the staring contest!" she said.

"But we weren't having a-,"

"You lost! YOU ARE A LOSER! LOSER SHMOSER! SEVVY IS A LOSER!" Julie began singing.

"But we weren't having a staring contest." He said giving her another look.

She gasped loudly, "_GASP!_" and she said the actual word too. "Are you calling me a liar? HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A LIAR! I AM NOT A LIAR! YOU'RE THE LIAR! JUST CUZ YOU SUCK AND JUST _HAVE _TO BLINK IS NO REASON TO CALL ME A LIAR."

"But I didn't call you a liar."

"Oh, okay." She said and plopped down beside him.

Snape looked to me, "What was that?"

"Oh you mean the mood swings it's called JULIE." I smiled.

"You set her up." He growled.

"What? Me?" I waved my hand. "Why would I do that, you know how I nice I am. See no evil plan here."

"Wow…" Julie breathed.

"What?" Snape asked.

Without answering she collected something from his hair into a small container. "What the hell was that for?" he asked.

"Hello? I need your grease for a DNA test to clone you! I mean come on, isn't that obvious?" she said as if everyone cloned their favorite super greasy villain.

"I can stand two times the Snapes, but twice the grease?" I shuddered. "That's as bad as seeing Voldemort in a speedo…. oh god the images!!"

Julie looked to Snape. "How long has it been since you washed your hair? The grease is so shiny this time." She said in awe.

"Yes, well I used a different kind of hairspray which preserved the grease."

"Really? Wow that's awesome. I've been trying to do your look, but my mom keeps insisting I take a shower. She doesn't understand I'm going for the 'Snape look'." She shook her head.

"Yeah, mothers. They never understand." He said.

"Well yours obviously didn't care, look how you turned out." I said, but naturally he ignored me. You know I don't get any respect around here.

"Oh!" Julie began. "Can I sing you a song?"

"Uh…no." Snape said. "How about you guys just leave and annoy some one else."

"But no one's as greasy as you." I said. "Just let her sing this song and she'll leave, okay?" I smiled innocently.

"Fine….only one song." He grumbled.

"Well Julie you know the song to sing." I winked at her and she nodded eagerly. Clearing her throat she began the song.

"_This is the song that doesn't end,_

_Yes, it goes on and on my friends_

_Some people started singing it not knowing what it was,_

_Forever and forever singing just because—_

_This is the song that doesn't end,_

_Yes, it goes on and on my friends_

_Some people started singing it not knowing what it was,_

_Forever and forever singing just because—_

_This is the song that doesn't end,_

_Yes, it goes on and on my friends_

_Some people started singing it not knowing what it was,_

_Forever and forever singing just because—_ ,"

Snape shot me a mortified look and I laughed evilly. "Hey, you agreed to _one_ song." Still laughing I left the room. I was half way down the hall and I could still hear her sing the song that never ends. Classic.

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"Varine LaMyncha! Would you stand still!" I yelled for the hundredth time. I know she was my guest and all, but did she have to break out into a moonwalk and sing a Micheal Jackson song every minute.

Varine batted her dark eyes, matching her crimson red hair. She was wearing a purple summer dress with a neon green feather boa. Her arms were flailing around as she sang, "Billie Jean is not my LOVER! She's just another girl who claims I'm the ONE!"

"Okay, okay I get it. That's something Malfoy would sing." I rolled my eyes.

Varine was shorter than me so she had to look up and then spotted something. "OOH Shiny!"

I turned to see what she was gazing at and sighed, "A knife?" we were standing in the kitchen. Voldemort would be coming in a few minutes and I wanted him to meet Varine.

"Ooh POINTY!" she said wide eyed as she picked up the knife.

"I swear you like the weirdest things." I said.

She looked at me, "But I like you."

I tossed my hair, "Well, there are some exceptions. Now listen to me, act extra stupid in front of him, it pisses him off." Just then the double door of the kitchen opened and there stood Voldemort in a billowing cloak even though there was no wind.

"Tom!" I exclaimed. "Glad to catch you here. I want you to meet someone." I pushed Varine in front of him. "Her name is-,"

"I don't care." He said looking past her.

"Wow. That's my name?" Varine said looking at me. "I-don't-care. What was my mother thinking."

Voldemort gave her a strange look. "Are all your friends this…dense?"

I smiled wryly. "I'll introduce them all if you want, then you can find out for yourself."

"Uh, no thanks." He said quickly. "I'm here for my snack that I ordered the house elf to make. Where is it?"

"House elves aren't 'its' they're 'hims' and 'hers'." She said looking at him. "They're almost like people but shorter and with funny ears."

He rolled his eyes. "Just move. I'll get my pie out of the oven myself." He moved to push her aside but she turned around and whipped out her wand.

"No allow ME!" with a flick of her wand she tried to open the oven but it ignited in flames.

"Ah! Look what you did!" Voldemort screamed. He pointed his wand at the fire to put it out.

"Why'd you do that?" she asked. "Kitchen fires are fun to watch!"

"If you want to burn the house down, maybe." He growled.

"Oh, I've done that quite few times, that's why I'm not allow in the kitchen anymore." She said smiling sweetly at him. "Wanna see how I did it?" she flicked her wand at the oven and it caught on fire again.

"Ugh! What is wrong with you!" he yelled as she put the fire out…again.

"Yeah, that's what my mom said." She said.

I smiled at her and whispered to her. "Perfect, just the right amount of stupid to piss him off, now reel him in for the insult."

"Lord Baldemort-I mean Voldemort, you remind me of someone famous." Varine proclaimed looking at his face.

He dismissed the name-calling, "Really? Who? I am pretty good looking."

"Have you sexually harassed any children?" she asked sincerely.

"WHAT?" he yelled dumbfounded.

"Well yeah, you remind me of Micheal Jackson, you know with no nose and all." She smiled.

"Why you little-," but he was cut off by a loud sound.

CRACK

A new figure had apparated into the room with a bouquet of feathers. "Hey guys!" a guy with short sandy brown hair waved to us. He wore a dress shirt with matching pants as if he were going to a wedding.

"What's the special occasion?" Varine laughed as she saw his outfit, quickly forgetting she was supposed to act in a "stupid phase".

The new addition patted his shirt, "Our motto is always to dress our best no matter what the situation, and I do believe Azure is my color." He smiled.

"Only someone gay would use the word Azure." Voldemort snorted.

"What else did you think he was?" I said.

He gave me a look, "You're kidding right?"

"His name's Lily." I said.

He stood there with a mixture of confusion on his face. "…oh."

Lily looked Voldemort with a bright smile. "Hello Dark Lord. I have to say that bald look really works for you."

Voldemort changed his mortified look to a pleased smile. "Well, thank you, finally someone who agrees."

"Yes, and those shoes really ties that outfit nicely." He noticed. "Ooh, but that sash has got to go. Have you considered purple as your color?"

"You know I think this friend of yours is actually nice." Voldemort nodded.

I shrugged, "He's an awesome shopping partner."

Lily finally made use of the feather bouquet in his hand and attacked Voldemort with it.

"Ah what the hell are you doing!!!" Voldemort yelled trying to ward him off.

"What?" Lily asked. "Just because you don't have a feather doesn't mean I can't have one."

Voldemort shot me a dirty look, "You corrupted even the him." When he wasn't looking I conjured a cat.

"Oh that's the least of your worries." Lily said pointing to the cat. "That cat just peed on you."

"AUGH!" He screamed and jumped back away from the cat and blasted a spell at it.

"You shouldn't get angry at it, it's your fault. You should've let your cat out." Lily said.

"What? That's not my cat!" he yelled and Lily pointed at its collar.

" 'Property of the Great' yeah right 'Lord Voldemort'."

"How'd the word Voldemort fit on the collar?" Varine asked.

"Enough of this! I'm leaving!" he headed for the double doors.

"Wait, what about your pie?" I asked pointing to the burned oven. He growled at me.

He looked at Varine, "Pie Burner!"

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I looked down at the list and crossed of the list of people who had come and turned around to meet my new guests and smiled widely.

"Hello Sera." I said at the tall girl with blonde hair, dressed in purple who had in her hand a rubber ducky and a cheese cake. "Hey there Baylie." Next to Sera was short girl who had dark blue eyes, and light brown hair. "And of course Katelyn and Alexis." Katelyn had on a green vibrant shirt and was chewing a wad of gum rapidly as Alexis smiled brightly with her glasses glinting in the light of the room.

"Now you four know what to do." I nodded. "We went over the plan, now go out there and make me proud!"

They slowly filed out but Sera held back. "Christy…how come you aren't doing anything? Why are you leading us?"

I shrugged. "Where's the fun in that? Besides, Voldemort can't hurt you. If you guys are magically harmed your families will know about it and they'll figure it out that Voldie's here."

Sera left the room and I tried to control my anger, the paper in my hand was now gripped so tightly that it was barely readable. I ran my hand through my hair and tried to fight back an angry scream. Oh how I would love to torture Voldemort personally but I wouldn't let him win. I would use my methods through my guests. A good villain never does his own dirty work. "And I'm by far, much smarter than you Voldemort." I whispered.

Sera came through the door, "Are you coming?"

I nodded and threw the small paper on the floor, which burst into small flames as it fell to the ground. "Yeah…I'm coming."

88888888888

I led my four new guests to the den where Voldemort was sitting and reading the paper. "Hey Tommy!" I said happily masking my urge to whip out my wand and hex him.

"Guess who I brought along."

"If it's another gay guest then I don't care." He said carelessly as he flipped through the newspaper.

"Oh no, they're all straight…I think. I think you'll these guys." I pointed at the four who were standing in a straight line. They bowed down at the same time.

"My lord, you are my idol." Sera said slowly. "I bring forth to you this cheese cake." She laid the cake at the table beside him.

"I don't have a cake but I'm willing to give my life for you." Baylie smiled as she read the cue card hidden in her cloak. "You are the-," she squinted at the card, "you are the…I dunno what you are, but your it!"

Katelyn only smiled and waved. Alexis gave her a weird look and gave Voldemort a jar of pickles…wait she didn't have a jar of pickles before…who carries around a jar of pickles? "Here, I love pickles…and you." She added.

Voldemort looked at me and nodded. "I approve. I like them, especially her." He pointed at Katelyn.

I raised an eyebrow. "But she didn't say anything?"

"Exactly."

Sera smiled and pulled out a bag of marshmallows and crackers. "Let's make smores!" she exclaimed.

"I brought chocolate!" Baylie announced.

"What the hell? How do you make whores?" Voldemort asked.

"Smores." I corrected him. "You were getting your hopes weren't you?" I said shaking my finger at him. "Your too old to get any action Tom. Now why don't you enjoy an nice marshmallow between crackers covered in chocolate and roasted on fire."

"What fire?"

Katelyn pointed at the four of them gathered around the fireplace. "Hey you can't use my fireplace to make adolescent food!" he yelled. He stood up. "Where's my wand?"

"Tom Marvalo Riddle, have you lost your wand?" I gasped. "Now what would Dumbledore say about this."

"Why would he care?" he asked rudely.

I shrugged, "Well _Dumbledore_ would never ever lose _his_ wand. But then again he was better than you."

He was about retort when Alexis interrupted him. "I have your wand!" she said.

"What are you doing with it?" he asked as he rounded on her.

"I had to use a stick to put my smore on it." She innocently and everyone turned to look at her hand which held the wand with a smore in the fireplace.

I sighed and took the wand. "Here Tom. That darn Alexis what can you do with her?" I shrugged as I handed him back his wand.

He looked at the smore attached to it. "Oh I know what to do with her." He growled as he threw the smore of it.

Katelyn gasped. Everyone turned around to look at her, this was the first noise she had made. She pointed a shaking finger at the smore, which lay on the carpet.

"You wasted food!"

"So?" said Voldemort.

"So? That's all you can say! Smores don't come from thin air! How could you even dare to waste food? Do you think the people in Africa get smores? NO THEY DON'T!"

Once she was done there was an eerie silence in the air.

QUACK

"What the hell?" he said and we saw that it was Sera who was still holding her rubber ducky which she squeezed to make the sound.

"What? I just thought the moment needed a Quack." She said and picked up the cheesecake. "Who wants cake?"

Everyone said their reply and sat down, as Voldemort still wasn't sure whether a duck had just resolved the conflict.

"So Lord Voldemort, does the dark side really have cookies?" Sera asked.

He gave her a weird look. "Who told you that?"

"But I thought you did! That's what the brochure said so! False advertisement! It's like Wal-mart's always low prices, low prices my Aunt Feefee."

"Wait a minute, I thought you guys went to Tim Hortons or Dunkin Donuts for evil donuts and muffins." Alexis said.

"Well we don't do that." Voldemort stated.

"Oh, don't tell me you don't even take cheese breaks." Sera said with a shocked expression.

"Cheese break?" he asked.

"Yes of course. Cheese is a very important dairy product. That's why it's a whole different section on the six food groups, it's right there next to junk food." Sera said nodding.

"Yeah." Baylie agreed, not really know what she was talking about. "It goes really good in cake too." She said with a mouthful. "Uff ergh chew."

"What she say?" he pointed at her.

"Something about you wearing socks and sandals." I nodded.

"What?"

"Oh poor Tom, your so easily confused." I shook my head and sniffed. "It's okay, there are other slow people out there, you're not alone."

"Pickles!" Alexis yelled.

"Pickles?" Voldemort gave me a weird look.

"Hey don't look at me, even I'm not that random. Oh I wonder if you applied the basic physics to a unicycle, if it would allow you to-,"

"Ahem!"

"Oh, sorry…just thought I was onto a good theory." I said.

Alexis than grabbed the pickle jar and cuddled it. "My preciousssss." She purred.

"What the…" he said looking at her strangely.

"She likes pickles, cant you tell? And that's a gollum impression, I thought even you would know that, considering you look like him." Baylie said.

"Whose gollum?" he asked.

"This really cute…creature/thing/person…" I lied.

"Oh…well thank you." He said.

"Now it's time for me to leave. Have fun you four. I'll be back, I need to greet my other guests."

"There are more?" he shouted.

"Well, duh. Ten more people…oh wait, eleven I have a very special person coming in. Toodles." I waved.

"Wait, I'm not staying here with them." He said pointing at the four who were now covered in chocolate and pickle juice and were playing hot potato with the rubber ducky.

"Well, it's either that or letting them roam free in the house, where they can do more damage."

"…that's true." He said thinking. "Fine."

"Oh look, they're singing the theme song I made- I mean look they've made you a theme song."

The four were singing like a barbershop quartet.

" _Na na na na naaaa VOLDEMORT!_

_He'll kill and curse_

_Don't bother buying a purse_

_He'll hunt you down anyway._

_You know he's there when the sky's are gray._

_He's ugly, and he's mean._

_I doubt he's ever clean._

_He plans never turn out right,_

_It's no surprise._

_Na na na na naaaa VOLDEMORT!_

_Na na na na naaaa VOLDEMORT!_

_Yeah!"_

"Well, looks like you'll be perfectly fine." I smiled wickedly and aparated.

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Can you say, worst update ever? I know I can! 

**Well I did warn you it'd be boring. The 9 people I added today had better review…not that I'm gonna threaten you…pfft, I wouldn't do that. **

**Kim, your review better be the longest. **

**If anyone has any complaints just put em in the suggestion box, oh wait there isn't one, so just review, flames are welcome, it's not like I'm gonna read them. **

**And now this is where I go: OMG THE 7****TH**** WAS THE BEST ONE FROM THE WHOLE SERIES? WHO'S READ IT YET? I'M DYING TO YELL OUT MY FAVORITE PARTS. **

**Ahem. **

**Review. **

**That's the only reason I keep this fic going, because honestly I've read it over and boy does it ever suck.**


	19. Chapter 17 part two

**Here's the rest of the guest list, I posted the first half as well just in case you forgot your name. **

**Hannah: Hermes Priestess **

**Akki: Demon. Lord**

**Stella Moon: Blueflamewolf **

**Rebecca and Kelsey: Ruby Red Sunshine **

Prince Martine: dancemyfeetoff 

**Devin Opaline: Sara Amethysta**

**Stephaine Z: Stephanie Z **

**Kim: Mrs Charlie Weasley… **

**Emily Grace: emilygrace**

**Ruchiesmooch- Ruchie **

**Peridot-Horntail- Peridot **

**Lifebeforetaxes- Julie **

**ElemenTalia- Varine LaMyncha**

**Criminally Insane Hermit- Lily**

**The dark side has cookies- Sera **

**Sapphire Alia Moondust- Baylie **

**Katey- Katelyn **

**Mr. Smilez- Alexis**

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I waited at the door irritably. They were late. My next five guests. I gave them the same exact time but neither of them showed up. I am not happy, oh great now my eye is twitching.

Ding Dong 

I never knew we had a doorbell…where have I been? I opened the door to see all five of my guests tied together with a strange vine.

"What the-?" I started.

"Hannah here thought it was good idea to bring a plant that's a cross between devil snare and underwear." Akki said angrily, the girl dressed in clad black, as she pointed to Hannah who wore a blue wig.

"How did you manage to get a plant like that?" I asked.

"I…know some people." Hannah muttered.

"Okay…how'd you ring the doorbell?"

"Don't ask." Said Stella Moon from behind her dark purple gown.

"Stella what the hell are you wearing?" I asked. "It looks way to …interesting for sleepover."

"Yeah and it's itchy too." She said. "But anything to impress my Snapers."

"Ewwwww." Said the other four girls.

"I swear I know the weirdest people…or Snape has sex appeal…." I thought for a second. "Nope, I just have weird friends." With a wave of my wand I untied the knots and they stumbled into the mansion.

"Okay, Stella I know exactly what to do with you." I grinned. "You see that room over there, Snape's in there... You know what to do."

Stella began to hyperventilate, "Oh….my..y…go..sh! SNA…PEEE!"

Hannah began to giggle, "Heheh she said pee. In a sentence!!! Heheh."

"I'm not sure how to respond to that, but I know what to do here." With that I pushed Stella in the direction of the room Snape was in.

"Okay you two," I pointed at the two guests who hadn't said anything yet, "come over here in this dark corner so I can talk to you."

The two came over to the side. "Rebecca and Kelsey could you guys have made it any more obvious you two were from a secret organization?"

"What gave it away?" Rebecca asked.

"I dunno the fact that you have a mustache…even though you've got boobs? And what's with the sign?" I pointed at the paper in Kelsey's hand.

"What's wrong with it?"

"It says 'We are not from a secret club trying to destroy Voldemort'."

"Oh…that part." Kelsey said. "I thought it was a good idea."

"Of course, because that wouldn't arouse suspicion." I rolled my eyes. "And don't you dare laugh at the word arouse Rebecca."

"Heheh…sorry." She said covering her mouth.

"But just to make sure you really are from the H.A.- the cows go moo…"

"Cockle-doodle-doo!" they said together.

"Okay you are from the H.A." I nodded and we walked back to the other two.

"Rebecca and Kelsey I want you to go and dispose of Kimmii." I smiled.

"How will we know its her?" Rebecca asked.

"She's the real slutty one, you can miss her, she'll practically be nude." I said.

"How is this supposed to be part of the-_H.A. plan?"_ she whispered the last part.

"Oh it doesn't, I just really hate her."

"Meh, works for me. Let's go Kels!" they both bounded up the stairs.

I was just about to instruct the other two when a blood-curling scream stopped me. I turned around to see Snape running at me.

"AAAAHHH!" he screamed.

"Why hello to you to." I said.

"Christine get these girls AWAY FROM ME!!" he yelled.

"What? And deny your two biggest fans a chance to hang out with you, now why would I do that?" I grinned.

"You don't understand SHE WASHED MY HAIR!" he pointed at Stella who was indeed holding a bottle of shampoo.

"Good thing too, you were starting to drip grease." I said.

"AAHHH! WHY DON'T YOU GET IT! MY HAIR! MY GREASY HAIR! I TOOK A WHOLE YEAR TO GET IT THE WAY IT WAS AND SHE WASHED IN LESS THAN A MINUTE!"

I stepped forward and shook my head, "Snape I feel your holding back. Don't keep your anger inside. Let it all out." I said calmly patting his shoulder.

"You…think…I'm holding…back." He said through gritted teeth. "SHE BLOODy FUCKING WASHED MY FUCKING HAIR WHICH FUCKING TOOK SO FUCKING LONG!! AND YOU THINKING I'M FUCKING HOLDING BACK!!!!!!!!!!"

"Whoa easy on the exclamation marks Snape. You know the doctor told you not to let things bother you that will run your blood pressure up."

"I AM GOING TO WRING YOUR NECK FOR THIS!!!!"

"You don't handle stress well do you."

"You evil little-,"

"_This is the song that doesn't end,_

_Yes, it goes on and on my friends_

_Some people started singing it not knowing what it was,_

_Forever and forever singing just because—,"_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THEY'RE BACKKK!!!" Snape pushed past me and began to run down the hall.

"Ohhh Snapppeeey darling!" Stella called after him. "You forgot us!" She and Julie held hands together and began skpping after him with weird expressions on their faces which were soemhting like 'I'm gonna get you'.

"THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS-," they sang.

"AGHAHDSEJHDFIEF KEEP AWAY FROM ME!!!!" you could hear him scream.

"I love sleepovers." I smiled. "Don't you?"

Akki and Hannah exchanged weird looks and shrugged. "Well if you two will follow me, there's a dark lord we need to annoy."

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"Tooom!" I sang.

"Agh!" he jumped and nearly dropped his wand. "I thought I told you not to bother me anymore."

"Yeah but these two were dying to meet you."

"No we weren't." Akki raised an eyebrow. "I mean…I enjoy meeting bald men."

"I'm not bald…I just have a condition." Said Voldemort.

"Yeah and it's called ugly." Hannah rolled her eyes.

"And these two were dying to meet me you say?"

"Yeah, sure. Now what's really important is Akki's advice." I smiled pushing her forward.

"And why would I need a teenager's advice?" he asked.

"Well you did ask a 17 year old to kill the greatest wizard of all time." I said. "I only thought her telling you something would be good."

"I am the greatest wizard of all time!" Voldemort yelled.

"Who are you trying to fool?" Akki mumbled.

"Then again you are a wuss." I shrugged. "You were scared of an old man so you asked a kid to kill him." The three of us began to laugh.

"The dark lord's a chicken!" Hannah giggled.

"Bock bock-," Akki began to cluck.

"How dare you associate me with poultry! And accuse me of being a wuss!" He screamed.

"Ah get over it, now Akki will you please." I nodded.

She handed him a stack of paper and a quill. "Ahem, now you will write down your evil plan."

"What?" he said.

"I said: YOU WILL WRITE DOWN YOUR-,"

"I heard what you said!"

"Then why did you ask 'what'?" she said, and then she turned to me. "Are you sure he isn't a little you know…_slow_?"

"Why should I write down my plan on paper?" he asked.

"Because if you can write it, then you can succeed." She said. "Duh!"

"I know what my plan is, I don't need to write it down."

"Really, and let's see how many of your plans have worked Tom." I said. "You were beat by a baby, beaten by him in his first, second, fourth, fifth year. Are you sure your plan will work?"

His eyes glowed with anger, "So? What proof is there that writing it down will help me succeed?"

"Well _Dumbledore_ wrote down _his_ plans." Hannah said.

"Gimme that." he snatched back the stack of paper.

_20 minutes later_

"Here." He said thrusting the paper back at Akki.

She and Hannah looked down at the paper and scrunched up their noses. "Is this seriously how you write?"

"Anyone ever tell you have bad penmanship? This is chicken scratch."

"Just read it." He growled.

"Well clearly this plan will not work." Hannah said shaking her head.

"Why not?" he asked. "It's brilliant."

"It has no grammar." Akki said.

"Yeah, how can you pull off a plan without grammar? Huh? Huh?" Hannah asked.

"You cant. It just doesn't work, grammar is key." Akki shook her head.

"What? My grammar doesn't have anything to do with-,"

"Excuse me, I wasn't finished." Akki said.

Voldemort looked mortified for a moment, which was quickly masked with anger. "How dare-,"

"Yeah I was still talking." Akki pointed a finger to signal him to be quiet. "Thank you, see now shutting your mouth isn't so hard."

"Now, if you cant write it correctly, how do you plan to succeed?" Hannah asked.

"Fine I'll fix it." He growled and snatched the paper back and stomped out of the room.

"He's not really going to fix it, is he?" Akki asked.

I shook my head, "Not a chance."

"Well we better follow him, I saw some commas in the wrong place." Hannah said.

"Wow that wasn't as entertaining as I thought it would be." I shrugged. Sighing, I sat down on the couch and counted to ten.

"6…7…"

"Augh! Just leave me alone!" Voldemort screeched coming back into the room.

"Hm, that was faster than I thought." I smirked.

"See now that's not right. You need more emphasis on the exclamation point!" Hannah said.

"Yeah and here you spelled Harry Potter wrong." Akki pointed out on the paper.

"Yah how can you defeat your enemy if you cant spell his name right?" Hannah tsked.

"You know what, I don't give a damn what you think because frankly you two are idiots and need to stop bothering me because I really don't want to be surrounded by even more incompetent people!!" Voldemort rambled on.

There was a small silence until Akki broke it, "Well…in all my years… I never."

"I know right, he like totally disgraced himself." Hannah shook her head.

"What are you talking about?" He glared. "I just insulted you."

"Uh yeah, but with a run on sentence?" she rolled her eyes. "I mean come on, how can anyone take you seriously."

"True and there should have been a comma after your second because." Hannah pointed out.

Voldemort began to change a unique shade of purple, actually it was more of a magenta, hmm not a bad color for him. He reached into his robe and was about pull out his wand when a new guest arrived into the room.

"Hey everybody! I'm here, hold the applause." She held up her hand. She was dressed in robes of pink and gold…and frankly I don't think it looked too good, but I wasn't gonna tell her.

"Who is she?" Voldemort asked me pointing at the new guest.

"Uh she is Prince Martine."

Hannah, Akki, and Voldemort gave me a weird look.

"What? She named herself." I shrugged. "Um Marty how'd you get in here?"

She tossed back her short hair, "Some short freaky guy let me in."

"Wormtail." Voldemort growled.

"Oh is this the guy you were talking about?" Martine asked me and I nodded eagerly.

"HELLO! I HAVE HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU." She said …screamed to Voldemort.

He shot her an odd look. "Why are you-,"

"THEY NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE BALD!"

"I-," he started.

"YOUR FLY IS UNDONE, YOU MIGHT WANT TO FIX THAT." Martine pointed out.

Voldemort still looked bewildered. "Why are you screaming?"

"OH YOU SPEAK ENGLISH…ahem, so you speak English?" she said.

"Yeah how else can I be the greatest wizard of all time?" he asked.

She narrowed her eyebrows. "I'm guessing your slow then- you …are… not…a…great… wizard… you….suck."

"What did you say?" he spat out.

"Y O U S U C K BIG TIME!" she smiled, then she faced me, "Think he understood that?'

I laughed as Voldemort glared at her, "Oh yeah he heard you." I handed her a paper. "Here, sing this."

She unfolded it and nearly choked, "Are you serious? You want me to-,"

"Shh." I whispered seeing as the other three were looking at us. "Just do it Marty."

"Oh you owe me one."

"I know you love me."

"Hmph." She turned away from and quickly wiped the anguished expression to a sweet and innocent smile. "Oooh Dark Lord, I have a surprise for you."

"Oh great." He groaned.

"Don't worry, it's a pleasant surprise." She smiled.

"It is?" he asked with a shocked tone.

"Oh…yeah." She said through gritted teeth. She directed him to the chair and stood in front of him. She waved her wand to the couch pillow and it changed to a microphone. She held it to her mouth and pointed to me. "HIT IT!"

I pressed play on the CD player I…found.

"This one's for you Lord Voldemort." Martine said and then she began to sing!

"_Everyday when you're walking down the street_!" she began to walk around the room.

"_And everybody that you meet_" she shook hands with Hannah and Akki.

"_Has an original point of view_" she tapped her head.

"Um that's all nice but I-," Voldemort said with a pained expression as he moved from the chair but she pushed him back onto the chair.

"_And I say HEY_!" she yelled.

"Marty's singing the theme song to Arthur isn't she?" Hannah said.

"Um…no, of course not." I said looking away.

"Oh don't deny it, I see the shifty eyes." Akki said.

"Well I was running out of songs so I picked that, its unusually happy!" I said in my defense.

"_What a wonderful kind of day!_" she continued to sing.

"Not for me." Voldemort grumbled.

"_If you can learn to work and play _

_And get along with each other_" she sang with a picture of Harry in her hand.

"_You got to listen to your heart_

_Listen to the beat _

_Listen to the rhythm_

_The rhythm of the street" _

"You've got to be kidding me." Voldemort said to me but I was too busy humming along to the song.

"You know Tom you could really learn a lot from that song." I grinned. "Like listening to you heart." He raised an eyebrow at the absurd suggestion.

"Oh wait I forgot you don't have one, whoops." I shrugged.

"_Open up your eyes_

_Open up your ears_

_Get together and make things better_

_By working together!"_

"Yeah Tom!" I exclaimed. "Work together."

"There's no 'i' in team." Hannah pointed out to Voldemort.

"Yeah, and there's also no w or p or 3." I said.

"I get the point." He growled.

"Don't get so touchy just because you don't like the song." Akki said.

"Shh this is the best part!" I said.

"_It's a simple message and it comes from the heart_" she made a heart shape with her hand. "Believe in yourself."

"Believe in yourself." The three of us echoed.

"For that's the place to start!" Marty finished.

"To start." We sang.

Voldemort glared at us and I merely smirked. "To start." We sang again. "To start." And again.

"Okay I get it! That's where you start!" He yelled.

"_And I say HEY_!" she yelled.

"_Hey_!" I yelled.

"_Hey_!" Hannah yelled.

"_Hey_!" Akki yelled.

"Hey!" Voldemort screamed.

"What a wonderful kind of day

If we can learn to work and play

And get along with each other.

Hey what a wonder-,"

"THAT'S ENOUGH! IT IS NOT A WONDERFUL DAY, AND WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO WORK AND PLAY TOGETHER?" Voldemort screeched.

"…" I responded.

"…" Hannah, Akki and Martine replied as well.

"Way to kill the mood." I grumbled. Voldemort was about to retort when we paused to hear Martine sniffling. "Marty are you…crying?"

"No…my allergies are acting up." She lied.

"Okay." Voldemort rolled eyes. "Like it matters."

"Now you listen here mister!" she pointed a finger at him and he stopped to watch her. "I sang a beautiful song for you and you simply cast the gesture aside as if it were nothing."

"Look stop blubbering, it was only a song." He commented.

She gasped, "What do you mean it was only a song? Can you sing?"

"Well…I-,"

"I thought so! SO DON'T DARE CRITICIZE ME, IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL SONG AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEN I GUESSN I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SING IT ONE MORE TIME!"

"NO!"

Martine stopped crying and looked up, "Why not?"

"It was…a …interesting….song." he said with difficulty.

"You thought it was WEIRD!" she began to sob even harder.

"Great job Tom, look what you did." I glared at him.

"So, she's only crying." He shrugged.

"Well, than I guess you wont mind if she sings it three more times." I said idly.

"NO!" he screamed. "I mean…it was….a….ni…ice….nice…song." he muttered.

Martine stopped crying instantly. "What was that?"

"It was a…nice song." He murmured.

"We didn't hear you." I smiled.

He glared at me, "It was a nice song."

"Still cant hear you." I sang.

"WHAT ARE YOU DEAF?" he yelled.

"Time to go ladies." I pushed them all out the door. "Thanks for your time Tom."

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"What do you want Malfoy?" I said bitterly.

"Why so sad, this is your party?" he smirked as he leaned against the wall watching me.

"I'm sad because I have to see your face." I said sharply.

He chuckled and it made my skin crawl, it was laugh I knew so well. "You didn't mind this face so much before."

"Well you were different then…and now you're not worth more than a postage stamp." I murmured.

"You never told me-,"

"Just tell me what you called me here for." I turned away, I knew what he would ask and I didn't have the answer…yet.

He looked taken aback by my abruptness, "I…I was going to tell you I've almost completed my end of the bargain."

I looked up until my eyes met his, "You mean…"

"Yeah, I've found a way to get the greasy git and Bellatrix together." He smiled. "Not so bad am I?"

"You found a way, you haven't gotten them together. Your not so good either." I smiled wryly and turned on him.

"Christine…"

"What?" I said turning around.

"Are we ever going to talk about it?"

"About what?" I snorted.

"You know what I'm talking about."

"Actually I'm not sure," I said angrily, "because obviously there wasn't anything, so there's nothing to talk about."

"We'll have to…sooner or later." He said bitterly.

"Well I pick later. How about never? Does that work for you?" I snarled at him.

"What is your problem." He flared.

"My problem? _My problem_? You know perfectly well what hell my problem is, and if you don't then I want you to get this through your thick head: the only reason I agreed to let you help me is so I don't have to do the menial tasks. Don't think for even a second this makes us even close to friends."

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"Glad you could make it Devin." I smiled at Devine Opaline. I am not kidding when I say they've chosen their own names. She was wearing black tank top with matching baggy shorts. She had long black hair that went down to her hips, with streaks of purple.

"Hey I'm glad you could fit me in." she smiled widely. I was about to say something when she told me to stop. She pulled me away from the door and we hid near the curtains. A short figure loomed through the shadows and came into view.

Devine slowly crouched behind the small person and screamed, "E!"

Wormtail yelled loudly and scurried up the stairs. I merely stood by in disbelief. "E?"

"What? You wanted me to say boo?" she shrugged.

"Meh, never mind. Let's go upstairs I cant wait to see what they've done with Bellatrix." I led her up the stairs.

"Bellatrix." She growled.

I raised an eyebrow, "I know her face can offend people but what's your problem with her?"

"She likes…Snape." She spat out.

I rolled my eyes. "Am I the only one who finds him creepy, disgusting, greasy, freaky-,"

"I get it! You don't like him, just don't insult him in front of me." She interrupted.

"Fine, it would have been a long list anyway." Finally we reached the door to the room to which my guests were currently entertaining Bellatrix.

I threw open the door and braced myself for what I would see. Bellatrix was strapped to a chair and her hair was covered in aluminum foil. Her feet were propped up onto a stool and Peridot was tickling her feet with a feather.

"Heheheheh-stop-heheh-IT!" Bella laughed and tried to say.

Peridot shook her head, "Not until you play the song."

"Heheheh-No!"

"Fine, we'll just have to keep on tickling you." Rucha said as she sat at the edge of the bed, that's when I noticed she was throwing biscuits at Bella.

"Uh…why are you throwing biscuits at her?" I finally asked.

She shrugged, "I'm improving my aim and these were the only things we could find."

"Hahaheheheh-Stop-heehehhahahah-It! Hehhe-I'm going to-hahahahahah-Kill you!" she managed.

Peridot laughed, "That doesn't seem likely."

"If she doesn't play it, I will." Rucha smiled and pulled out an ugly instrument and began to play it.

Bella's laughter turned to screams of torture, "I hate the BANGO!!"

"Oh we'll let her go." Peridot sighed. "Besides she cries easily."

"I didn't cry." Bellatrix refused. "I just have over-protective tear ducts." They rolled their eyes and untied the straps.

"Is she wearing a 'Care Bear' t-shirt?" I asked pointing to the happy cuddly bear imprinted on her bright pink shirt.

"Yup. You guessed right, and it matches her hair." Rucha said.

"You said you were giving me high-lights!" She pointed to the aluminum foil in her hair.

"I was getting to that." I said.

Peridot waved her wand and the foil vanished and her hair was filled with rainbow colors. "You know Bella," I started, "they didn't lie to you. If I were 'high' those would look like 'lights'. They did give you highlights."

Devine grinned at me, "Now I'm really glad you invited me."

Bella let out an angry cry. "Whoa what just died?" a new voice said and we turned to see Malfoy was standing in the doorway with weird look on his face. "Bellatrix…um some furry animal is on your head." He pointed to her.

"It's my hair." She growled.

"Oh…um…hmm…is that new style?" he asked unsurely, but as he saw her face turned a dark shade of blue he walked away from the room.

She reached into her robe and realized what she was looking for wasn't there, "Where's my wand?!"

"You mean this?" Devine said twiddling between her fingers.

"Give it back." She said as she lunged for her.

"Oh I will… on one condition." She smirked evilly.

"There's always a condition." Bellatrix narrowed her eyebrows. "What is it?"

"I want you to get down on your knees and beg for your wand." She said.

"What? Hell no! I would never degrade myself!" she announced. I handed her a mirror. "Well…not more than I already have!"

"Hmm…you could always…" Devine began.

"Always what?" she asked unsurely keeping an eye on her wand.

"Tell Snape you love him." She stated.

"What! How do you know I like him?!" she exclaimed.

"Have to break it to you lady but everyone knows…except Snape." Peridot said.

"I don't care, I wont do it." Bella crossed her arms.

"Fine I guess I snap this in half." Devine shrugged as she began to bend the wand.

"Wait!" she yelled. "I'll….do …it."

"Hurray!" Rucha cheered and the five of us filed out of the room and headed towards Snape's room.

Once we passed the third hallway we bumped into a small figure. "Wormtail?" I looked down. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for cheese." He mumbled but as he looked up he paused on Rucha.

She squirmed under gaze. "Psst, Christy why's he looking at me like that?"

I shrugged, "I have no idea Rucha but I know its not good."

"Gee thanks." She pouted.

"Rucha…" he said her name aloud.

"Uh…yeah?" she said unsurely.

"Will…you marry me?"

"…What?" she asked.

"Your so beautiful." He grinned weirdly and moved closer to her.

"Well, thank you-,"

"So you'll marry me?" he looked at her eagerly.

"No."

"But your short!" he said.

She looked taken aback, "You don't have to throw it in my face."

"But don't you see, we were meant for each other." He said bouncing up and down.

"I don't think so." She said backing away, she made eye contact with and pleaded with her eyes.

"But we're the same height! It has to be fate." He declared.

"Look your not my type." She said.

"I can change." He pleaded.

"No you cant, you have whiskers." She grimaced.

He felt his face and realized what she was talking about, "Oh I just forgot to shave."

"I'm sure…you're also a lot older than me." She pointed out still signaling me to save her.

"Age cant defeat our true love." He said dreamily.

"I'm too young!"

"Oh…"

"Yeah."

"So does this mean in a few years I have a chance?" he asked hopefully.

"I didn't say that." she said quickly.

"But you implied it."

"I think you misunderstood. I hate you, we cant be together." Rucha said and walked away from him quickly.

"Wait! I can change! Imagine what our children will be like!" he called after her.

"No! Keep away!"

"But us short people have to stick together!"

"Leave me alone!" she screamed and fastened her pace and broke out into a run.

"Honey, slow down!" he yelled.

"Don't call me that."

"Fine does 'Sugar buns' work for you?" he asked loudly.

You could hear her anguished scream. "No! Get away from me!"

"It's okay sweety pie, everyone in a relationship goes through a rough patch."

"We're not in a RELATIONSHIP!" she screamed. Her voice seemed fainter, she was running farther away from him.

Wormtail giggled and looked back at us as he paused from his chase, "Our first fight." He rounded the corner and continued the "Wait for me Sugar buns!"

"AGH! STOP CALLING ME THAT!" we heard Rucha growl/scream/yell.

"What a happy couple." Peridot said. Now there were only four of us.

"WE'RE NOT A COUPLE!" we heard Rucha scream from somewhere.

"She can hear us?" Bellatrix asked.

"I dunno, but that was pretty funny." I laughed.

"No…that was wrong." Devine shuddered.

"Yeah I pity her." Peridot said.

"Well she was short." Bellatrix pointed out.

"True." I nodded.

"I'M NOT THAT SHORT!" we heard her faint scream.

"Let's get a move then, shall we?" I led them through the opposite hall away from the horrified and still running Rucha. Hmm…maybe I should have helped her….Naaahh.

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We knocked on the door to Snape's room. We heard something drop and someone scurry to the door. He opened it a little bit and we saw one eye look at us. "What do you want?" he whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" I asked.

"Sshhh." He put his finger to his lips. "I don't want them to find out where I am."

By them he obviously meant Stella Moon and Julie. "Well we have business with you."

He put his out and looked up and down the hallway, "This is all of you?" he whispered.

"Do you see anyone else?" Peridot asked annoyed. Snape opened the door for us and stood shocked when noticed Bellatrix.

"Bellatrix…what…." He stammered.

Bellatrix glared at him. "Just say it, I know your dying to."

He raised his eyebrows. "What the fuck happened to your hair? And is that a smiling green bear on your shirt. What…the…fu-dge?"

She crossed her arms and pointed to Peridot and Devine. "Ohh." Snape realized. "I know what you're going through."

He shut the door and we looked around at his humbled abode? The walls were red and had a black lining. The beds were covered with black silk. "Snape I'm going to ask you a serious question, I want an honest reply." I said.

"Oh…okay?"

"Are you a vampire?"

"No! What gave you that impression?" he asked.

I looked around the room, "…nothing."

"Well what are you here for?" he asked keeping his eyes on Bellatrix.

Devine smiled, "Ahem, well as much I adore you…." She paused. For a long time.

"And…?"

She blinked, "Oh, uh yeah well Bellatrix here has something to say to you." She growled the last bit even though it was her idea.

Bellatrix stood up from the chair she was sitting in, "I…well this isn't easy, but I…"

"You what?" he asked.

"I lo…I lo…I like these material, is it silk?" she asked touching the bed sheets.

"Don't change the subject." Devine called out.

"Well, what I want to say is…." She started.

"Yes?" he said looking at her.

"Why don't I give her a little bit of help." Devine whispered to me as she pointed her wand to Bella.

Bella jerked straight up and began to….okay I think everyone guess by now it's song time. Not a shocker anymore is it?

"_**I told the witch doctor I was in love with you  
I told the witch doctor you didn't love me too  
And then the witch doctor, he told me what to do  
He said that ..." **_

She stopped to dance the funky chicken and slip right into disco and move on to the robot dance.

"_**Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang  
Walla walla, bing bang"**_

"Uh…" said Snape. "I like you too?"

"_**I told the witch doctor you didn't love me true  
I told the witch doctor you didn't love me nice  
And then the witch doctor, he game me this advice  
He said to ..."**_

"This is a good song eh?" Devine hummed along.

"Kinda catchy." I bobbed my head.

"_**Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang  
Walla walla, bing bang"**_

"Bella…that was an interesting song choice and I-," Snape began to say but we cut him off.

"_**Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang  
Walla walla, bing bang" **_I sang.

"_**Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang  
Walla walla, bing bang"**_ Devine sang.

"_**Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang  
Walla walla, bing bang"**_ Peridot sang.

"OOOOh EEEE I said oh to the eh and eh to the ah, let me here ya ting tang- whoa why isn't anyone singing anymore?" I stopped seeing as everyone was watching me break out into my own thing.

This is awkward…

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"So what exactly do you have in mind Steph?" I asked Stephanie Z. Currently we were planning to get rid of the blemish to society, Kimmii.

"Ahem, I also have an idea." Kim announced.

My two new guests, Stephanie and Kim. Both were wearing muggle clothes except Kim was a tad bit dressy, and what weird coincidence that she would have a crush on Malfoy.

Kim was here to be a death eater, that was the only difference between her and the rest of my guests.

"You know we should just wing it when we see her." Stephanie declared.

"I agree." I said and knocked on the door in which Kimmii was currently staying in.

"Yes?" Kimmii asked as she opened the door.

"Is that Malfoy in there?" I asked peering behind her to where he was sitting on the bed.

"Yeah, so?" Kimmii said.

"Well you better back off because he's mine." Kim said pushing her way into the room. Whoa, she's real aggressive when it comes to her 'man'.

"He's yours?" she snorted. "Tell her Draco da'ling."

He looked up, "Tell her what?"

"That you love me." Kimmii said as if it were obvious.

"I do?" he said.

"Agh! Da'ling! You're so supposed to defend me."

"See, obviously he doesn't like you." Stephanie said. "Maybe it's because your boobs are fake." She smiled wickedly.

Kimmii gasped in defiance, "They are not! They are the real thing. Tell them Draco." 

He shrugged, "Look pretty fake to me." He winked at Kim.

"Draco! You're obviously just not feeling alright." Kimmii said.

"Ha!" Kim laughed. "I think we know your just trying to hide the truth."

"They are real!" she protested. "Well I don' care what y'all think anyway."

"Really?" Stephanie said. "Hmm, well your eyebrows don't match."

Kimmii stifled a gasp by putting her hand to her mouth, "No…" she gasped.

"It's true." She said.

"You are…so mean!" Kimmii said.

"If she's as bad she is, imagine her mother." Stephanie snorted.

"Don't you insult my mother!" Kimmii screeched.

"Why cuz yo mama so stupid she climbed over a glass to see the other side?" Kim said.

"Oh now you done it." Kimmii z-snapped. "Yo mama is sooo ugly the dementors got scared away."

Stephanie scoffed, "Is that the best you got?"

"Yo mama so stupid she bought a free sample." Kim said.

"Yeah well…yo mama so ugly they filmed 'Gorillas in the mist' while she was taking a shower." Kimmii said.

"Oohhh." Draco said.

"Yeah that was pretty good for a bimbo." I said.

"Yo mama so fat she had to go to SeaWorld to get baptized." Stephanie said.

"Oohh, now that was a diss." Draco laughed.

"Yo mama so stupid she's rated E for everyone." Kimmii retorted.

"Your mama so ugly even Rice Krispies wont talk to her." Stephanie laughed.

"No I got one, yo mama so ugly the ministry moved Halloween to her birthday." Kim laughed.

"Draco da'ling wont you do something." Kimmii pleaded.

"I am," he said, "I'm laughing."

"Yo mamma is like a bucket of fried chicken, she's greasy and everyone here has had a piece of her." I said.

"OHHH." Draco laughed.

"Thank you." I smiled.

Kimmii glared at me, "Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing."

"Yo mama so stupid she tried to put M & M's in order." I said.

"Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gas money." Laughed Stephanie.

"Yo mama so ugly she looks like Voldemort." Kimmii said.

"Hahahah!" Draco laughed.

"Oh that's old." I said. "Yo mama so ugly she goes to Snape for beauty advice."

"Oh I've had enough of this." Kim said and she stepped up to Kimmii. "Now listen here slut queen: You keep your paws of my man." She poked her with every word.

"Draco wont you say anything!" Kimmii yelled.

"Yeah," he nodded, "you suck, so leave."

"AGHH!" Kimmii screamed angrily and looked around the room to us. I merely smirked and waved goodbye. She let out another scream and slammed the door as she left.

"I'm going to make sure she leaves." Stephanie said with an evil glint in her eyes as she followed after Kimmii.

Kim smiled at Draco who merely smirked. "So, you are?" he asked.

"I'm Kim." She smiled.

"Really? And what makes you think I'll like you?" he asked. She smiled again and stepped closer to him and before I could blink she was up against him and snogging him passionately.

I whistled and looked around the room. Finally when they broke apart she smiled at him and headed for the door. "Bye Draco." She said.

"…" he waved back to her silently until she left, he let out his breath. "Christy!"

"What?" I asked.

"How come you never told me you had a friend who could kiss like that?"

"Uh, I never knew, it's not like I kissed her." I said.

"Well…she is something. I think she might even last two weeks." He chuckled.

I stepped up to him and glared at him, "Malfoy I want you to listen to me clearly. She is my friend and she'll be here a long time to become a death eater, and if you in anyway hurt her I will make you wish you were dead."

He held up his hands in surrender, "Whatever you say."

"Good." I said. I stepped away from him and headed for the door.

"You sure your not jealous?" he said, I looked back to see him smirking at me.

I began to laugh and his smile turned to a frown. "Honestly Malfoy I have nothing to be jealous of."

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"This is the song that never ends…" Julie and Stella sang.

"GAH! How'd you find me?" Snape screamed.

"You didn't think we'd find you in the broom closet?' Julie said.

"Yeah what an obvious hiding place…and is that Bellatrix in there with you?" Stella said gasping.

"Well…" he said sheepishly. Bellatrix laughed nervously behind the bucket.

"What're you guys doing in here?" Julie asked.

"Just…talking." Snape said.

"Really? What about?" Stella asked earnestly.

"Um, stuff."

"You're lying! You guys were snogging!" Julie screamed.

"Snape…" Stella sniffed, "how could you, I thought we had something?"

"What the-," he started.

"GET HER!" Julie let out an angry warrior cry.

Stella grabbed Bellatrix and she and Julie…attacked.

"Cool, cat fight." Snape smiled.

"Snape! Help me!" Bellatrix screamed.

"Well…now?" he asked.

"YEAH!"

"But…"

"HELP ME!"

"But I don't usually have people fighting over me." He muttered.

"NOW!"

"Can't I at least savor the moment?" he asked.

"SNAPE!"

He sighed mournfully, "Fine."

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Devine hung around the corner waiting for her prey to come forward, as soon as he was in sight she jumped and screamed, "E!" Wormtail scurried away yelling about a curse.

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Stephanie was wandering the halls, after she had 'escorted/kicked/slammed the door in her face' Kimmii, she had been looking for Devine.

"Hmm, I wonder if Rucha can still hear me?" she wondered aloud. "Only one way to find out_: Wormtail_." She whispered the name.

"AGHHHHHHHHHHH!" somewhere within the mansion Rucha's anguished scream could be heard.

"Wow, she's good." Stephanie shrugged.

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"So how long are you going to be here?" Draco asked coyly.

Kim shrugged, "Oh you know, as long as the Dark Lord needs me."

"You know you were pretty good back there…" he said referring to earlier on.

"Oh you mean the yo mama jokes?" she laughed.

"No," he leaned in, "I meant with your kissing."

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"What have I ever done to you?!" Bellatrix screamed angrily.

"Well for one thing you tried to steal our Snapey away from us." Stella said.

"Yeah and we don't like a foursome." Julie announced.

"Wow, I've never even been in a two-some." Snape mumbled.

"Now I think we need to teach you a lesson Bellatrix." Julie said.

"This is what happens when you try to away our man." Stella pressed play on her cd-player.

"What are you doing?" Bellatrix asked as her eye's widened.

"Oh my god…" Snape said as he came to a realization.

"This is the song that never ends!" Stella and Julie sang together.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Snape screamed.

**20 seconds later **

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-wait I need to breath-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

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I was walking by the window when I heard a loud crash. I looked outside and saw three people in the backyard. "What the…"

I raced downstairs and headed outside and recognized the culprits. "Rebecca? Kelsey?" I called.

"Oh hey." Rebbeca greeted me as she tied a rope to the tree. I followed the rope to see what she was tying up.

"Is that Kimmii up there?" I looked up.

"Yeah, remember you told us to 'take care of her'." Kelsey reminded me.

"Uh but we already did that, that's why she left." I said.

"Oh that's what you think huh? She was going back inside." Rebecca said.

"Was she? Hmm, okay so what have you got planned?" I asked.

She pointed across the street to a group of kids wearing party hats, that's when I noticed they were heading towards us. "You see those kids, we invited them to a little party."

"Wait, the mansion is under a spell that makes it invisible to muggles, how are they coming here?" I asked.

Kelsey pointed to the red line on the ground. "Technically the mansion doesn't have a backyard. Everything past the red line isn't under the magical spell."

"Aahh." I said.

"Now watch." She said.

"Hey kids!" Rebecca said cheerfully to children.

"Don't pretend to act nice, where's the surprise?" asked the chubby kid.

"Gimme gimme never gets, don't you know your manners yet." Kelsey said.

"We want the surprise!" shouted the tall one and soon they all began to chant.

"Okay Okay!" Rebecca yelled. "I present to you a PINATA!"

Kelsey let the rope go and down came Kimmii covered in colorful feathers and her mouth gagged. Rebecca handed out bat to every kid. "Let's play ball!" Kimmii's eyes widened as the kids approached her.

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Emily Grace raised her hand to knock on the front door when she spotted a note hanging on the side. She took it down and read it aloud.

"_Dear Em, _

_I'm probably in the middle of something really bizarre right now so I can personally greet you. Voldemort's in the living room, you know what to do. _

_From the host of a great slumber party, _

_Christy xx"_

Emily stopped, "Hmm, what can I do with a dark lord who's not expecting me…"

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Devine was still lurking in the shadows when she saw her victim near the stairs, she crouched behind and yelled "EEEEE!" Wormtail screamed in shock and fell over and rolled down the stairs.

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"So," Kim started as she stopped to lick her lips nervously, "can I ask you a question?"

"Yes, I am even better in bed." Draco smiled.

She laughed and shook her head, "No, I wanted to ask, does this mean we're officially a couple?"

"A couple of what?"

"….you know, together."

"Together?"

"Does this mean we're dating!"

"You mean each other?" he asked.

"Urgh!" Kim let out a groan "You had better be good in bed because you aren't that great for conversation."

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"Please stop singing!" Bellatrix groaned. "I give in, I'll stay away from Snape!"

"You will?" Snape's head snapped up. "But I thought we were a couple now."

"That aint gonna happen I have to keep listening to Twitney Houston and Smelly Clarkson." She groaned.

"Yes! Our plan worked!" Stella and Julie high-fived.

"Come on Snape, let's go." They linked arms with and skipped into the distance.

"Um, hello? Can you please untie me?" Bellatrix yelled after them. "Oh come on!"

They were already gone. "Guys? Snape? Wormtail?" she added the last name.

"AGHHHHHHH!" Rucha's scream could still be heard.

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"Hellooo?" Emily called out. Voldemort looked up from where he was sitting.

"Who are you?"

"Oh I'm Emily Grace." She said smiling.

"Okay…what the hell are you doing here?"

"Oh I wanted to meet you." Her smile grew wider.

He looked around, "Where's Christine?"

"Oh she got caught up in something."

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I tugged at the ropes on my legs as I hung upside down beside Kimmii. "Okay this is not funny you little monsters." I growled.

The evil little brats laughed wildly. "Rebecca? Kelsey? Where the hell are you?" I screamed.

"Down here!" They called. I looked down and saw that they were also strapped to the tree trunk.

"Oh you guys are so dead." I yelled when the tall on poked me with the bat. I looked to Kimmii who gave a weird expression. "Oh shut up this isn't my fault."

She rolled her eyes and grunted through her gag.

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"Anyway," Emily continued, "I really admire you and think you're the greatest wizard of all time."

He looked at her, "You do?"

"Why of course, you've killed so many and people fear to say your name." She gushed.

"Hmm, I like you go on."

"You look great in that robe, really I think black is your color but I don't look so great it in it, that's why I'm wearing purple. Did you know royal families wore people because it was royal color, would've thought? Like anyways, where was I? Oh yeah, so those don't really match but I guess you could start a new trend but I don't think it would catch on. When you dominate the world are you going to force people to dress like you, cuz like I said I don't look too great in black, but it is your decision. **Oh my god is your eye twitiching?**"

Voldemort strained to speak, "Not really."

"Oh okay great, so like I was saying. Hey do you guys have kitchen? Oh that is a really nice paint job. You know this place doesn't look that bad. Like my **nail polish**, yeah it's a cool color, I wasn't sure whether to choose light blue, or the light blue. **You must know what I'm talking about right?**"

"No…not really."

"So I was like, the **light light blue** is cool but the **light blue** is nice, so I thought why not try the light light blue first and it looked okay but I wanted to see if the **light light light blue** was good to, so I was in a **dilemma**."

"Oh…were you?" he said through gritted teeth. "You know I have to go to the kitchen, so I'll just-," he began to walk away but she followed after him.

"Oh cool the kitchen, I love cookies? Do you like cookies, cuz **cookies** are awesome, but so are **muffins**. But what's the **difference** between a muffin and a cupcake, and why do they **ice** cupcakes and not muffins." She rambled on.

"Would you look at the time." He said pointing to his arm, where they was no watch. "Ha, it's time for me to go…somewhere far away."

"Oh that's cool, hey are why are you **walking faster**? That reminds me I went to try out for track once but it didn't work out to well but that's okay, oh your eye's twitching again, **oohh I like bunnies**!"

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moo. I'm a pig

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"Gah! Keep away from me!" Rucha screamed throwing items at Wormatail.

"Don't run my love, my legs are short and stubby. You should know, your short."

"Augh! I am not that short!"

"Keep telling yourself that darling."

"LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOOOOONEEEE!"

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"You know your different than most girls I know." Draco said titling his head to the side.

"Really? How?" Kim asked.

"Well one difference is your not a slut." He smiled.

"…um thank you?"

"I think this will be my first real relationship." He said lifting her chin.

"Well let's hope so because if you leave me-,"

"Yeah I know, Christy will hunt me down." He rolled his eyes.

Kim laughed, "Yeah she's a great friend, but I don't think she'll be able to find your body if you do leave me."

He blinked, "….wait, what?"

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"Okay you little brats, let's see how far you go when I hit you with this." I growled. I lifted the bat and aimed right at the chubby kid.

"WAIT!" yelled the tall one. "We'll never bother you if you just let us go."

Kelsey laughed evily, "Do you think it'll be that easy?"

"No, let's let them go."

"But they tied us to a tree!" Rebecca yelled.

"Meh," I shrugged and handed the chubby kid the bat, "you can go if you hit the piñata one more time."

"Lower Kimmii- I mean the piñata…which is not a girl disguised with feathers…heheh." Rebecca said.

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….so it was so totally weird and I just thought like what? And how? And you know…" Emily continued to ramble on.

Voldemort groaned, "Do you ever shut up?"

"That's rude and it doesn't matter cuz I know you don't mean it and wd fiewfj fierfirf fir friq jrie firf hrfh w drew fh ehfi friue fruf rf rf rif fr furf rf rf urijnensjnloei Are you listening to me?"

"Huh?" he looked up. "Yeah sure, just that last part was kinda mushed up."

"Oh I'll repeat it."

"Curse me for saying that." he grumbled.

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"Guys? I'm still tied up here!" Bella screamed. "This isn't funny!"

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Sera and Varine were also wandering the halls when they caught up with Kateyln, Lily and Alexis.

"Hey guys." Sera waved.

"OMG did you see who Rucha's with?" Lily exclaimed.

"What does omg stand for?" asked Varine.

"Order More Green things." Katelyn said.

"What? No, that's omgt." Alexis pointed out.

"Yeah it doesn't make sense either." Sera said.

"Order more green things did you see who Rucha's with?" said Varine. "Makes sense to me."

"Grr, no! OMG stands for Oh my god." Lily yelled.

"OOOOOh!" said Varine, Katelyn-okay all four girls.

"So who's she with?" Sera asked.

"WORMTAIL!" Alexis screamed.

"AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!" They turned around to see Rucha huddled in a ball rocking back and forth.

"Oooh, there's the loverbird." Katelyn cooed.

Varine, Lily, Sera began to sing."Rucha and Wormtail sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"H-I-J-K-L-M-N-….why isn't anyone singing?" Alexis stopped.

"What are we going to do with her?" Katelyn asked.

"Stop mocking me. Isn't it bad enough he's after me?" she sobbed.

"You know I like my version better," Baylie began. The five girls turned to see her come from around the corner.

"Where'd you come from?" Varine asked.

"My mom but that's another story." She said waving her hand. "Rucha and Wormtail sitting in a tree F-U-C-K-I-N-G!"

"Oh that is a nice version." Lily agreed.

"That's not how it goes." Rucha spat out.

"Yeah but does it annoy you?" Baylie asked.

"Yeah." She nodded.

"Then that how it goes." Baylie smiled.

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I looked down at my watch and saw that it was 7 o' clock on the dot. I was waiting by the front door. I waved my wand and all 18 of my guests stood before me.

"Wait what's happening?" Kim asked.

"You're all going home." I announced.

"I thought we were going to sleep over?" Baylie asked, everyone agreed in unison.

"NO! THANK GOD I'M GOING HOME!" Rucha screamed and before I could stop her she tore open the door and ran down the street screaming.

"Okay…someone has issues." Hannah said.

"Do you think it's a bad idea I gave Wormtail her address?" I wondered aloud. "Nahhhh."

"So what about the sleepover?" Stephanie asked.

"It's 7 o' clock in the morning! You've been here a whole day." I said.

"You mean…"

"Yeah! You didn't sleep in the sleep over!" I said. "But it's been fun, now get lost."

Everyone mumbled their thanks are they filed out. Rebbeca, Kelsey and Kim were the only one's left.

"Christine." Rebecca whispered to me so Kim couldn't hear.

"What?" I asked.

"The H.A. wanted me to tell you, they need the information fast." Kelsey whispered.

I nodded. "Don't worry, I know what I have to do, oh and thanks for taking care Kimmii for me. Where is she?"

"Oh she ran home." Kelsey said with shifty eyes.

"Uh…yeah….burgers!" Rebecca said nervously.

"What?"

"What? What! I didn't say nuthin, okay we're leaving now." She said quickly and pushed Kelsey out with her.

I closed the door and turned to face Kim. "Sooo Kim, how's it going with Dra-Malfoy?"

"Oh, splendid, I think we're going to last a long time." She smiled and skipped away.

Voldemort came from around the corner, "Uh how could you leave all the guests like that? And why is that girl staying here?"

"Oh Kim wants to be a death eater, don't worry she's not like me." I added. "And I put an enchantment on the door, they wont remember anything, where the place is or what happened." Except Rucha will have nightmare's about Wormtail, I thought to myself.

"I cant help but I feel I forgot something." I wondered.

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"A little help? Lady tied up here?" Bella screamed. "OH COME ON! IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!"

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"Nah, I don't I think I did."

"Good." He said. I feigned a smile to him, I tried not to reach out and punch him in his pale ugly face.

**Flashback **

"_CRUCIO!" Voldemort screamed as he pointed his wand to me at the party._

_I wasn't expecting and I wand dropped on the floor beside me. I doubled over and pain shot through my body as if I were being shocked. I felt my body writhe on the hardwood floor. My head was searing with excruciating pain but I didn't not open my mouth to scream, I would never admit defeat to Voldemort. _

_When he lifted the wand there was a tomb like silence. I lay there on the cold floor until the room stopped spinning in front of me. Suddenly I began to laugh…so it became hysteric. I scrambled up and nearly fell again but kept my compsure. _

_Voldemort glared at me but was still perplexed as to why I was laughing. I finally stopped and looked him dead straight in his eyes. "Is that the best you got?" I said coldly. _

_His fingers twitched where his wand was. "Are you telling me, the punishment didn't suffice?" _

_I began to laugh again, this time it was erie and it shook the walls of the ball room, I could sense people getting tense. "Your going to regret this Tom." I said bitterly and with that I aparated. _

**End Flashback **

I shook my head and smiled back at the Voldemort. He gave a weird look and realized something. "Where's my wand?"

There were only 18 guests today, I took out the list from my pocket and saw the 19 names. I looked down at the very last name…

This time I smiled with pure joy, _payback time Tom_.

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**So there you have it! A 40 page update! The longest update I have ever written…EVER! And probably the most boring one too. **

**To make up for the fact that it wasn't funny I made it extra long. **

**I know Rucha will want to kill me (doesn't help she knows where I live) , and I hope all of you enjoyed your part in it, I cuz I loved having you here. **

**So: REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW DAMN IT! AHEM… **


	20. Chapter 18

What can I say? Evil should've been my middle name. It's not too late to change it now. Meh, I'll change it later. Right now I have to focus one thing. Annoying Voldemort to the greatest extent possible and getting my revenge.

His wand is missing. No surprise. I wonder where it could've gone? Ha, of course I know where it is but I wont tell him. No, I'm going to get someone to help him. Someone like the surprise guest.

"Where's my wand?" Voldemort said seethingly.

I shrugged, "Why do you think I would know?"

"Who else would take it?"

"Malfoy."

"Malfoy?" he asked. "Why would he take it?"

I shrugged again, "I don't know, because I hate him."

"Just give me back my wand unless you want to repeat yesterday." I knew he was referring to the curse.

I smirked evilly, "Really? How do you plan to do that without a wand?"

His blank eyes searched mine; he was trying to probe through my mind. Accomplished Occulemens, yeah right he couldn't even get through my barriers. I was stronger than him but he didn't know that…but he would find out, not yet though.

"Where is my wand?" he growled.

I shrugged once again seeing him flare at my inadequate answer. "Accio wand!" he barked.

I chuckled and pulled my wand out from my pocket. "Let me try. Accio wand!"

We waited for a few seconds. "It isn't here." He said.

"Wow, you're really observant." I said. "Accio Voldemort's wand!" he narrowed his eyes as I used his 'name'. Still nothing happened.

"Let me try again. Accio Tom Marvolo Riddle's wand!" he flinched at his real name. We waited and still his wand did not come. "Okay one last try. Accio man-who-is-bald-with-no-nose-and-was-defeated-by-a-baby's WAND!"

Nope. Nothing. Nada. Nil.

"Well, that's it, it's gone." I declared. "I tried everything. I was so sure the last one would work." I nodded.

Well clearly now he believed I didn't do anything to his wand.

He pointed a threatening finger at me, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…and you're going to regret it."

I laughed, "Is that right? Too bad because I know someone who can help you find your wand."

He paused at this, "Who?"

"Well that's a surprise isn't it?" I smirked.

"And why should I trust you?"

"Because there's no one else here. Snape is with Draco, Kim is with Bellatrix and all your other death eaters think you've told them to go find hostages for your 'amazing plan'." I smiled.

"Why would they think that?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Because…I might've, sorta, kinda told them that." I bit my lip. "Of course, if you don't want my help you can go on without your wand."

I shrugged and turned to skip out of the room, "Wait."

I turned around, "Yes?"

"When…" his face turned in an snarl, "will this person come to find my wand?"

I grinned, "In a few hours."

"Don't you need to ask this person first?" he asked.

"Nope, I already told her to come." Ah, who is this mysterious guest? Or rather…fictional character.

"Oh, by the way she sent you a message." I handed him a small letter.

He unfolded the paper and looked back at me, "Uh what does 370HSSV-0773H mean?"

"You're holding the paper upside down."

He stared at the message, "…oh."

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"Tell me again why we're hiding in Draco's closet?" Bellatrix mumbled.

"Because you wanted help getting together with Snape." I explained pushing away some of the hanging clothes. Draco's cologne was hurting my nose, and apparently he had doused his entire wardrobe with it.

What part of the "Troll's Scent" seemed like a satisfying cologne? Whatever, he's an idiot.

"What does that have to do with being in his closet?" she asked again.

"Bellatrix can you get your elbow out of my stomach."

"Oh…sorry."

After a few minutes of silence I answered her question, "You're going to watch and observe Draco's date with Kim and take notes. This is how you will behave on a date with Snape."

"Why do I need this? I know how to act on a date." She said.

I snorted with laughter, "Have you ever been on a date?"

"….No."

"So how can you know how to behave on a date?" I asked.

"…and you're point is?"

I was about to insult her when I heard the door to his room open, "Shh…"

"I am quiet." Bellatrix whispered.

"I said shut it." I shushed her.

"Don't tell me to shut it."

"I'll tell you when to shut it, so shut it!" I hissed.

"…man, is it already that time of the month?" she mumbled.

Silently we watched through the cracks of the closet door.

"Come here, Kim." Draco said softly leading the blonde to the small table in the middle of his room. He had laid out a table cloth and a gourmet dinner.

"Thanks Drakey Poo." Kim said sweetly sitting in the chair across him. I saw him flinch at the pet name and smiled wickedly.

"I have an amazing meal prepared for you…" Draco smiled, "but I want you to choose the dessert."

" _Cough _– loser – _cough_." I said/coughed in the closet. Bellatrix elbowed me hard. "Ow!"

"What was that?" Kim asked.

Draco looked around the room, "…Nothing. I think."

"Oh that's a first, Malfoy thinking." I scoffed quietly. Even Bellatrix laughed.

"So, my Kimmi dear, what will you have for dessert?" he stroked her neck playfully, clearly meaning he wanted her to have him for dessert.

She thought for a moment, "I think I'll have an apple pie."

He stopped, "That's not what I meant…"

"Oh, you don't have pie?" she asked innocently.

"Um, yeah I do…it's just, never mind." He mumbled. "So, tell me more about yourself Kim. What do you like to in your spare time? …any special skills?" he added as an afterthought. Ugh, disgusting. He was practically begging her to fu- him…

She tossed her hair back playfully.

"See that Bella?" I pointed out to her, "Do you think you could do that on your date?"

"But wouldn't that require brushing my hair?" she asked.

I rolled my eyes in the dark closet. "Bella, I know you haven't brushed your hair in a while."

"Not since Azkaban." She whispered back.

"Really? I hadn't guessed." I scoffed. "Now watch."

Kim smiled brightly, "I can put my whole fist in my mouth wanna see?"

"…not really. Um anything else?" he asked raising an eyebrow and trying not to choke on his dinner.

"Well," she smiled slyly, "I could show you some of my skills."

"Oh. My. God." I whispered to Bellatrix. "Bella, I think this is about get X-rated."

"Cool!" she exclaimed, I glared at her, "I mean…oh."

"Wait a minute…" I continued watching. I let out a breath of relief, "Looks like Kim's going to keep her dignity."

"And her virgi-,"

"Sssh!" I cut her off, but I knew what she was going to say.

"Kim, you're one of the prettiest girls I've ever met. I find myself fortunate to have found you." Draco whispered leaning over the table to kiss her.

Gah, someone hand me a bucket to throw up in, I cant watch this horror anymore.

"Bella, you think you can try complimenting Snape?" I asked her.

"What, like – why Snape you're hair looks particularly greasy today?"

"Pretty good, but remember the fangirls from yesterday washed his hair." I reminded her.

She sighed, "Yeah, I actually liked his hair like that."

"What?! Have the years in Azkaban made you batty? Oh what am I saying, you were born crazy!"

Suddenly there was a light shining on my face and I looked up to see Malfoy towering over me.

"Christy?" he looked at me. "And Bellatrix?"

"Hey, I was dragged here." She pointed an accusing finger towards me.

"I- well- your cologne smells nasty." I blurted out.

"What are you doing here?" Kim asked.

Shit. Uh, what excuse do I use now? Come on, I'm the queen of lies I should think of something. Is it just me who talks to herself? Or is hanging out with Bellatrix made me fruity? Gah – must get back on track!

"I was….looking…for a pencil?" I said hopefully.

"A pencil?" Kim asked incredulously.

"A pencil!" Bellatrix said. "That's the best you could come up with?"

"….a pencil." Malfoy looked at me.

"Yeah, see …uh, mine broke and what'd ya know there were no pencils in the mansion, so I didn't check Malfoy's closet yet so I thought it was a worth a try."

"What are you really doing here?" he stared down at me through his blonde hair.

"Okay, I was…looking…for…Kim?" I smiled meekly.

"Oh, okay." Kim smiled. "Well, I guess we could continue out date some other time." She looked apologetically at Malfoy.

"What?!" he exclaimed, "You cant be serious? I thought we would….you know…do…stuff?" he hinted.

"You mean have sex?" she said simply.

"Well…if you insist. I wasn't even thinking of that." Malfoy shrugged.

"Ugh, you're such a pig." I groaned heading for the door.

He smiled at me, "I'm not a pig, I'm just a horny toad."

"Christy I'll just be out in a sec." She said. I shrugged and dragged Bellatrix out.

Once outside the door I let out a breath of relief.

"Well that was a close one." I said.

"A pencil?" Bellatrix looked at me. "Are you for real?"

"Hey, did you have a better idea?" I asked.

"I was thinking about a…pen…but a pencil? That's even more pathetic."

Before I could even point out the stupidity of her remark she was skipping off to our room.

Whoa.

Wait.

Bellatrix…skipping?

Dear Merlin, the floor is gonna crack. Good thing I can apparate.

Oh look here comes Draco running out of the room.

"Christine, you have to help Me." He said breathlessly.

I stepped back, "Um, why?" I looked behind him to see that Kim still wasn't leaving through the closed door, what was taking her so long?

"Kim just told me she loved me!" he exclaimed.

What?

"This is worse than Bellatrix skipping!" I shouted.

"What?" he asked confused.

"See, cuz Bella's kinda fat and its pretty bad – oh never mind. How can she LOVE you?" I asked. "I mean your arrogant, pessimistic, a bastard, spoiled, bratty, whiney and not to mention the bad taste in cologne."

"Can you get over it, Kim likes my cologne." He said.

"But I thought she was SMART! I mean, what the hell happened?" I continued on.

Suddenly it hit me, "She's been spending time with Bellatrix hasn't she? It's made her fruity! FRUITY I TELL YOU!"

"…"

"Okay, so maybe she's been spending too much time with Wormtail?" I tried.

"Can't you see the bigger problem?" He ran his fingers through his thick locks of hair, "I'm used to having every single girl LOVE me, but I've never loved them back and if I dump Kim she'll…attack me."

I laughed, "Puh-lease. She wouldn't hurt a fly, now me on the other hand. For dumping Kim I'll beat the shit out of you, the muggle way." I cracked my knuckles.

"You don't understand…she's a tad bit aggressive and psycho." He stated.

"Wait, Bella pycho or Voldie psycho?" I asked for further clarification.

"What's the difference?" he asked.

"You're right there isn't a difference." I thought for a moment. "So, she told you she loved you, and what did you say?"

"I said: Oh. Shit."

"…."

"What?"

"Malfoy you flipping retard! She professed her love for you and all you say is OH shit?" I yelled. "What the bloody hell is wrong with you?"

I stopped for a moment and gasped. "Gasp! You've been spending with BELLATRIX TOO!"

"Oh can you stop with the Bellatrix thing for a minute!" he said. "I need you to comfort her and give me enough time to thing of a plan to gain her trust back."

I snorted, "And what makes you think I'd do that?"

"Well I see that you haven't told anyone about your father yet or your real reason that you're here." He smirked.

"You wouldn't." I snarled.

"Oh, but I would."

I stared at him, "Fine, but I'll only give you enough time for tonight, you have to prepare Snape for his date."

"His date his tomorrow."

"Have you seen the MAN!? It's gonna take a miracle to fix him up."

"…well I can't argue with logic like that."

88888888888

"Christy…" Kim murmured.

"Yeah?"

"Do you have an obsession with hiding in closets?" she asked trying to breathe in the small compact space.

"Hey as long you haven't had beans for lunch or are wearing Draco's cologne, I'm good." I whispered back.

She looked down guiltily. "Oh my god!" I exclaimed. "You had beans for lunch!"

"No, I'm kinda wearing Draco's cologne." She whispered.

"You sicken me." I glared at her as she merely shrugged. I turned my attention to the table counter, we were hiding in the kitchen cupboard/closet.

"Look here comes Voldemort." I snickered. "I put a house elf under a trance and so he's going to repeat after me."

"Cool." Kim whispered.

Voldemort strode in the kitchen and glanced once around and noticed the tiny house elf staring at him.

"Is there anything I can get you master?" the house elf (me) said.

"No. I'm searching for my wand." He said pursing his lips.

"Would you like a snack?" I made the house elf's face twitch into a smile.

"No." he said. "I still need to search the rest of the house."

"But all this searching will have made you hungry!" the house elf (once again me) shouted.

"Okay….I'll have a snack." Voldemort said, taken aback very slightly by the shouting.

"Oh so now you want a snack?" the house elf snapped.

"But you just offered me one."

"Oh sure, when I want to give it you don't want one, but I don't offer it suddenly you're all: _I want a snack because I have no nose_." The elf mimicked in a pitched voice.

"Hey, be careful who you're talking to!" Voldemort pointed his finger at him.

"_Oh, be careful who you're talking to_." The elf mimicked. "I'll get your snack." He snapped.

The house elf continued to mumble, "Do this. Do that. There's never a thank you around here."

The elf turned around, "You'll need a tray."

"Do you realize who I am?" Voldemort sneered.

"Shut up, this isn't a game of who the fuck are you," the elf said, "and you still need a tray."

"I'm Voldemort, Lord Voldemort. I don't need a tray." He said.

"Yes you do." The elf said.

"But I'm Lord Voldemort, Sir Voldemort, Sir Lord Voldemort, Lord Sir Voldemort."

"Okay…and I'm James." The elf smiled. "Bond James."

Meanwhile in the closet Kim looked at me, "Um…Christy isn't it James Bond?"

"Oh shit I forgot." I whispered. I also forgot everything I said was being mimicked by the elf.

"Oh shit I forgot," said the elf.

"What?" Voldemort said.

"Nothing, go on, what were you saying."

"I am the DARK Lord, the lord of all darkness and supremacy. Everyone fears to say my name! I can kill you with a single flick of my wand."

"You'll still need a tray." The elf said.

"No, I can kill you without a tray." He explained.

"Uh huh, but the food is hot you need a tray."

"Oh the food is hot, well that explains it." He said grabbing a tray.

"So," the elf said casually, "what did you say your name was?"

Voldemort looked at him and then the tray, "Oh fuck it. I don't need a snack."

888888888888

"That was bloody genius." Kim was still giggling.

I looked down at her, "Okay, we pranked Voldie an hour ago. It's not funny anymore."

"But I keep imagining his expression…heheh," she continued in a fit of giggles.

We were headed towards my room, searching for Bellatrix so Voldemort wouldn't find her.

I threw open the door to see –

"Wormtail?" Kim looked at the squat man sitting at my desk staring at my laptop.

"What the bloody hell?" I exclaimed. "Are on you my laptop?"

He turned around twitching his mouth and nodding.

"He's been watching moving pictures on that thing all day." Bellatrix's voice greeted us and we turned to see her idly lying on her bed. "Says he's been watching pornography."

"What!" I shrieked running to tear away the laptop from his grubby little hands when I saw a glimpse of the screen.

Kim had also noticed because she was laughing again, "The animal planet?"

"Duh, the animals have no clothes on." Wormtail was giggling feverishly.

"Okay, you've had way too much contact with this muggle device." I said putting away.

"No…the muggle device is good…my preciousssss." He began hissing as he tried to paw at the laptop currently under my pillow.

"Bloody hell man, do you want some tea?!" I said.

"What?" Kim stared at me.

I shrugged, "I don't know why but I've always wanted to say that."

"Can I see it? There was a really good moving picture with you in it." Wormtail smiled at me.

"You went through my files?" I growled.

He shrugged, "Sure if that's what you call them."

"And they're called videos…" I sighed, "which one were you looking at."

Once again the cretin shrugged, "It was blurry."

"Was it the 3-D video?" I asked.

"What's 3-D?"

I waved my wand and formulated a pair of 3-d glasses from thin air. "You use 3-D glasses to see it, it looks so real it's like you reach out and touch me."

"Eehh!" he squealed with delight seizing the glasses and slapping them onto his face.

"Wow! You're right!" he yelled. "It's like you're really there." He reached out and touched my arm.

"That's because I am here you frigging idiot." I said.

"Amazing, the sound is so clear." He said in awe.

"Can I just kill him?" I asked bluntly.

Kim shook her head, stifling a laugh, "I don't think that'd be a good idea."

"Why not? No one would miss him." I pointed to him, he was no moving around the room touching objects that he saw through his glasses…Merlin he was a nutter.

"Um, ignoring him, what did you want to talk to me about?" the tall blonde asked.

"Hang on a sec, Bellatrix can I talk to you for a moment." I said flashing a fake smile and dragging her to the edge of the bed.

"Listen, you're going to need a proper outfit for your date tomorrow and some-,"

Kim cut me off, "Remember Christy, keep it clean."

"What! I wasn't even going to say any references that only a dirty mind would understand, sheesh! Moving on, Bella do you have any appropriate clothing?" I stared at her, "By appropriate I mean something that'll make Snape go wild and willing to do every thing you say."

"Why would you want him to do that?" she asked narrowing her eyebrows.

"Because…." I ran a couple plausible lies through my head, "silly, everyone woman wants a man at her command…" and it was all part of the plan.

"I don't like him." The death eater said.

And the plan was over.

"What! No!" I screamed. She looked up at me, "I mean, you two make a …a…as much as it pains me to say this….a nice couple." I stopped. "Wow, I never thought I would say that, I need to wash my mouth with soap."

She ignored me, "I don't like him…we're too different."

"Oh come on! Opposites attract and this HAS to work for the plan…I mean, you two deserve happiness after serving Voldemort for so long." I nodded. "You can't hide your feelings from me Bella." I gave her another fake smile.

She bit her lip, "I guess I could give it a try…"

"Yes!" I cheered. She gave me another one of her crazed looks. "What? Can't I be happy for you for no reason."

"I guess so."

I sighed and began to sing, "Snape and Bellatrix, sitting in a tree. F-U-C-,"

"Keep it clean!" Kim exclaimed.

Geez I need to change the rating on this fic.

Wait, what was that supposed to mean to me? For a second I thought I was a fictional character created by a teenager with too much sugar before bed…whoa, creepy.

Back to reality.

"That's not how the song goes." Bellatriz said irritably.

"Well, does it bother you?"

"Yes."

"Then THAT's how the song goes." I grinned.

Kim laughed and started to sing as well, "Snape and Bella sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G…….H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P-Q….why aren't you singing along?"

"That's not how the song goes." I said.

"But its fun!" she exclaimed.

Next thing I know, Kim, Wormtail and I are singing the most messed version of the song.

"…next time wont you sing with ME!" we all finished at the same time.

Apparently Wormtail thought it was a bright idea to go falsetto. "MeeeEEEEE!"

Suddenly the entire room was filled with angry, agonized yelling and sounds:

"Ah! Somebody shut him up!"

CRASH!

"Who broke my lamp? Christine!"

"It was his voice, I swear!"

"Gah! It kills!"

"Wait do you hear that…."

"Who can't hear it?"

"No, I think there are dogs outside who are responding to singing!"

"Cool!"

"That's not cool!"

BANG!

"Christine you just blew up my favorite spandex leggings!"

"Sorry I didn't think you'd notice with Wormtail singing are your side, Bella."

"Ew, why does Bellatrix have…spandex?"

"Hey! I look good in it!"

"I told you she's been in Azkaban too long."

"That explains the hair."  
"I'm STANDING right here!"

"Then why not just sit down."

"eeeEEEEEE-,"

"Oh for FUCK'S SAKE: STOP SINGING"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Wow, Bellatrix? Resorting to improper language…" I stared at her. "I have to say, I approve."

"I don't need your permission." She snapped.

There was a moment of silence.

"Hey why did I come in here in the first place?" I wondered aloud.

Then a light bulb lit above my head. "Kim, put the bulb down."

"Sorry, I thought it would help the thinking process go faster." She said sheepishly.

"I do have an idea actually." Carefully I waved my wand in the direct corner of the shabby room to materialize a-

"A FLAT SCREEN TV!" Kim exclaimed. "Sweet!"

"It's not for you." I said, "It's to keep Wormtail and Bellatrix occupied while we annoy a certain Micheal Jackson Impersonator."

"Must we mock Voldemort's nose?" she asked.

"Hey, that's as close to a compliment if anything." I said. "Who knows, maybe Voldemort is interested in younger boys as well." I shrugged.

"Ugh, that's disgusting." Kim grimaced, then thought for a moment, "You know his obsession with Harry Potter is pretty intense."

"See!" I pointed out.

"Can we get back to, why there is a giant box in our room?" Bellatrix asked.

"Kim will explain in a moment." I said.

"I will?"

"Sure, I have to step outside for a moment and make sure of…certain things. In the mean time watch these two and maybe even a movie." I flicked the tip of my wand and handed a dvd.

"Sweeney Todd?" she looked at me.

"What?" I shrugged. "It has good music, Johnny Depp, blood, guts, Johnny Depp, a crazy lady, people eating human pies, graphic display of muder….You know all the good stuff."

"Wait…Johnny Depp?" she looked down at it. "Yeah, definitely going to be a good movie…isn't it still theatres?" she looked back at the dvd in her hands.

I whistled idly and looked around, "Um, the piracy rate is going up…ahem, not that I would know….just have a source who tells me these things."

She looked back at the dvd, "I still don't want to watch Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb." She jabbed her thumb in their direction.

"Hey, can I be Tweedle Dumb?" Wormtail raised his hand.

"…okaaaay." She turned back to me, "See? Either I'll go insane or I'll kill one of them."

"Oh come on, they're not that bad." We turned to look at them.

Bellatrix was examining her reflection on the black, empty screen of the TV. Wormtail was hugging the muggle device rather affectionately and patting it. He must have gone on Wizard-U-Tube and watched a Gollum clip from Lord of the Rings because how many people grope large objects while whispering: My preciousssss.

Okay, wait that so did not come out right.

"It could be worse." I said.

"How much worse?" She snapped.

"Well you have no other choice."

"Sure I do…." She said, "Why cant you watch them?"

"Because I have to do something."

"What?"

"What do you mean what?"

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm asking you a question, duh."

"No! I mean what is this 'something' that you're doing."

"It's ….stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Stuff, stuff."

"That's not a proper answer."

"Oh, sure now you're going to rub it in my face that my oral dialogue has improper grammar." I snapped.

She gasped, "You know what: I don't want to talk to you."

"Fine." I said.

"Fine!"

"I don't want to talk to you either." I said.

"Well neither do I."

"Yeah I'm never ever ever ever ever going to talk to you AGAIN!" I punctuated every word.

"FINE!"

"…actually can I have a word with you outside." I said.

"Only if you get me popcorn."

I rolled my eyes shoving her out the door, "The things I do for you."

Once outside the door I rounded on her, "You LOVE him?"

"Huh?"

"You LOVE Draco Friggin Malfoy!"

"Geez, scream it a little louder, I don't think the people in CHINA heard you." She grumbled.

"Well, COME ON!" I threw my arms in exasperation. "How in Merlin's Pants could you have fallen in LOVVVEEEE with him? How? What? Where? When? Why?"

"Oh come on, Christy, just because you hate him doesn't mean I have to." She whined.

"There are other reasons…." I drifted off.

"Like what?"

I shifted my eyes nervously, "Like the fact that I hate him."

"That's not a good reason." She rolled her eyes.

"Yes it is! It's a perfectly sane, and reasonable REASON! Why can't anyone on this PLANET understand that DRACO is a git!" I screeched.

"But he's a git that I love." She smiled dreamily.

I waved my hand in front of her, "Kim? Are you in there? Helloooo? Draco's cheating on you, okay?"

"WHAT!" she snapped out of her stupor and noticed I was lying, "That's was not funny."

"I don't think he deserves a girl like you." I said sweetly.

"Look, I appreciate your concern for me but I think we make a wonderful couple besides I'm going to dump soon anyway."

"…what?"

"What's wrong?"

"…you're going to dump him?"

"Yeah." She said. "For now at least. I'll have to leave in a week and then when I return after Christmas break we can be together again."

"Oh please tell me there's no mistletoe involved." I said trying not to gag.

"Christy, you have to solve your issues with him." She said patting my shoulder.

"Issues? What issues? Pffft! I don't have issues! Tissues have issues, newspapers have issues, but I DO NOT have issues."

She stared at me for a moment, "You've been hanging around Bellatrix too much haven't you?"

"Hey! That's my punch line!"

"Look can we just discuss this some time later." She asked.

"Fine." I grumbled. "I'll just have to devise a way to kill him off and get Viktor Krum to marry you. It's genius! GENIUS I tell you! Muhahahahaha…"

Kim looked at me, "What did you say?"

"I liked the Easter Bunny?"

"Yeah, tooooo much time with Bellatrix." She rationalized.

"Speaking of Bellatrix…what do you reckon happened to them?" I asked as I opened the door wondering what they could've done with the TV.

The door swung open ominously. Wormtail and Bellatrix where sitting a few feet away from each other but Wormtail had the remote.

Now is some good time for popcorn.

The TV was turned off. There was a bright green ON button on the remote, Bellatrix seemed to know this and she wanted to turn it on.

"Wormtail, can I have that for a second?" she asked putting her hand out.

"Why?" he asked.

She pointed to the blank TV screen, "To turn it on."

"No, it looks fine to me." He smiled.

"Just let me-,"

"NO!"

"For a minute-,"

"NO!"

"Just turn the damn thing-,"

"NO!"

"…the green button-,"

"NO!" He tossed the remote side to side. "I can do this all day."

"Just. Let. Me. Have. It." She said through gritted teeth.

"N…." he stopped for a second and turned to us. "How do you spell NO?"

We didn't get a chance to respond because Bellatrix was already leaping at him.

"Why don't they just use their wands?" Kim asked watching the pathetic fight.

I laughed, "They cant I lost it along with Voldemort's wand. So no one knows where it is."

Silence.

The two death eaters stopped fighting and looked in my direction.

"You lost our wands?" Bellatrix asked edging towards me.

I smiled backing out through the door, "Hey now, I haven't LOST it. It just hasn't been FOUND."

"You're going to pay for this Christine." She growled angrily at me.

Ahhh, you can just feel the love in the room.

8888888888888888

"So…am I being kidnapped?" I asked calmly as I sat in between two burly guys, while the other two were at the front, one driving while the other was trying to read the map.

"Yes." The one in the front said gruffly.

"Cool…so how long have you guys been in this business?" I asked.

"Hey, keep your mouth shut." The one beside said pointing at me.

"Or what? You'll poke me?" I asked.

"Just gag her." The one at my left grumbled.

"Oh come on, let's just have a nice conversation." I said cheerily.

"Aren't you scared that you're being kidnapped?" the one beside me said.

"Is there a reason I should be?"

"We're kid-napping you, doesn't set any alarms off in your head?" he asked again.

I ignored his question, "So, what're your names?"

"None of your business." The one who suggested I should be gagged growled.

"You know what," I looked at him, "I'm going to call you Ginger."

I looked at the driver, "You can be Snoopy." Then I pointed to the one reading the map, "You can be Alfonzo….and…." I thought for a moment as I turned to the last one beside me, "Bob."

"So, Ginger, who asked you to kidnap me?" I asked the grumpy kidnapper.

"My name isn't Ginger." He snarled.

"Well, in my mind it is." I smiled. "So?"

"You should know, that crazy lady with the hair and the short guy who smells like cheese." Bob explained.

"Bellatrix and Wormtail." I growled under my breath. "Oh well, we can make the best of the situation."

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

"Stop Tapping!" Ginger growled at me.

I shrugged. "It's not me." I pointed to Bob who was looking out the window. "It's him."

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

"Stop Tapping!" He yelled at Bob.

"Wha-me?" Bob looked confused.

"Yeah, you're the one who's tapping." Ginger said.

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are!"

"Nuh uh."

"Yah huh."

"Will you two pipe down back there!" Alfonzo

"Fine." The both grumbled.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

"I swear it isn't me." I shrugged. We all turned to see that it was Snoopy.

"What? It's kind of fun." He said.

I looked around, "Where are we going?"

"You'll find out when we get there." Ginger said.

"Are we there yet?" I asked.

"No." he replied.

"Are we there yet?"

"…no."

"Are we there yet?"

"NO."

I waited for a moment, "Are we there yet, now?"

"No!! You can't just expect us to be there in five more seconds!"

"Fine. When are we going to get there?" I asked.

Alfonzo shrugged, "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? Who's doing the kidnapping here? Me or you?" I pointed out. "You guys should know this kind of thing."

"It's not like we timed it." He stated.

I gasped in mock horror, "You could've used mapquest."

"Mapquest?"

"You know the website that shows the time and direction it'll take for you to reach somewhere." I explained, after all these were muggles who kidnapping me.

"I guess we should try Mapquest." Alfonzo contemplated.

"Yeah, you guys aren't very good at this." I stated.

"OH really, and just how exactly are we supposed to be doing this?" Ginger asked me.

"Well for starters, you should've gagged me and second of all you should've asked for a price for kidnapping me." I said.

"Of course we asked for a fee to kidnap you, what did you think? That we did this for free?" Ginger laughed. Alfonzo and Bob laughed along but Snoopy was hesitant.

"You did get the money from that little mousey guy, right?" Ginger asked Snoopy.

"Well…I….no." he stammered.

"What!" Alfonzo screeched the car to a halt.

"You mean we're kidnapping this annoying girl for free?!" Bob screamed.

"Hey!" I protested.

"Well, it wasn't for free…he offered me something else and I completely forgot about the money…." Snoopy tried to explain.

"Like what? What could he have possibly given you?" Ginger growled.

"…a Hannah Montana Live DVD." He mumbled.

"WHAT! You sold us out for a DVD!" Bob yelled.

"Now, come on." I said. "Calm down. I'm sure he has a reason for investing in such a disgusting product."

Snoopy bit his lip, "But she has her own show and EVERYTHING!"

I shook my head disapprovingly, "A Hannah Montana item, you disappoint me."

"See! Even the annoying girl agrees!" Ginger pointed at me.

"Dude, I'm sitting RIGHT here."

"See," Alfonzo started, "if it was Billy Ray Cyrus, I'd understand –but his daughter?"

"I told you, you guys were amateurs." I slipped in.

All four of them turned to look at me.

Five seconds I was standing outside on the abandoned street as the kidnappers drove off.

"OH COME ON! You're not even going to TRY to kidnap me!" I yelled after their car. "YOU ARE SO NOT GETTING ANY RANSOM MONEY FOR THIS!…Oh who am I kidding, they cant hear me."

I looked around once more and aparated back to the Voldemort mansion. I rang the doorbell and waited for someone to answer it. Kim did.

"Christy?" she looked at me weirdly. "When did you get outside?"

"Ask Wormtail and Bellatrix," I smirked pushing past her to search for the two idiots.

Wormtail and Bellatrix were pretty shocked to see me unharmed.

"Christine?" Bellatrix asked as if she couldn't believe I was alive.

"Hello Bella. You know next time you shouldn't hire muggles of the street to kidnap me." I smiled.

"They gave up on you so quickly?" she asked. "How could you have annoyed them so quickly?"

"What can I say? I'm good at what I do." I shrugged.

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"And what exactly is the point of this?" I asked pulling on the string currently attached to my arm.

"Don't ask me." Draco grumbled on the other of the string.

"I wasn't asking you." I snapped at him and turned my attention to Kim. "Why the hell am I tied to Malfoy with permanent string?"

"I'm the only one who can take it off," she said, "but I'll do it when you two become friends."

"You mean I'm stuck here FOREVER!" I yanked angrily on the string and Draco fell down on the other side.

"Hey!" he yelled from his position on the ground.

"Well, I'll be outside if you need me." Kim smiled and locked the door behind her.

"This is ridiculous." I exclaimed kicking the chair near me.

"Cant we just talk?" Draco asked.

"Talk? About what? We always talk." I said, turning my back to him.

"No, you haven't talked to me three years. All this time all the things you've said to me have either been insults or a 'big part of the ending Voldemort plan'." He air quoted the last part.

"What? Is it my fault you were a git. You deserved every insult I gave you. You changed….and it wasn't for the better." I leaned against the closed door.

"You don't even know the entire story!" he argued.

"I didn't need to." I stated.

"Oh my God! You can not keep doing this Christine!" he threw his free hand in the air for emphasis.

"Doing what?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"This! Avoiding the situation!"

I didn't say anything. I watched him in silence. It amazed me how good his acting was getting, he almost had me fooled for a second, I nearly thought he cared.

"Why are you so obsessed with bringing Voldemort down?" he finally asked.

"I'm not obsessed." I said.

"Is it because of…your father?" he asked tentatively.

I stiffened at the mere mention, "No. Actually, yes! This is all because of him. I hate him."

"But you don't even know your father."

"Is that my fault?" I asked bitterly. "These past seventeen years I have no idea what he looks like, where he lives, or why he left me in the care of your family! The only contact is the constant messages Lucius gets."

I paused. "Every letter, is a new order, a new way to change my life. Does he know who I am and what I can do or what I WANT? He hasn't contributed to life emotionally, doesn't not mean he can interfere with it PHYSICALLY!"

I took a deep breath. "I hate him. I don't know who my father is, but I hate him, and if I ever met him: he would be killed."

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**Hey? Miss this? I highly doubt it. Yes, an update after a long time. **

**I know I was supposed to introduce the special guest, but I couldn't, it was getting too long. I had to stop at 25 pages. Rest assured though, I have the next chapter already written but I'll publish it in exchange for 10 reviews, I want to see if my loyal readers are still out there. **

**I know you guys are expecting and deserve a loooooong and heartfull apology for not updating, so here it is: Sorry? **

**Things got in the way and recently I lost my voice, you try using sign language while trying to order a donut and hot chocolate at Tim Hortons. **

**Okay, so I don't need to talk to update, but honestly I have tried. I kept coming back to this every so often to add a section. The next chapter will be AWESOME. Promise. **

**Oh, and my guest will be Spongebob Squarepants….**

**No, it is going to be a cartoon character but someone a tad bit annoying…**

**So, review if you all want that update. It'll be up on March 8, 2008. I don't know why that date specifically, but it seems like a nice number, so yah, see you then. **

**Thnx to the tons of people who have had this on story alert, fav. story and etc…**

**Also, in the meantime, while I did not update this story I did create a few new fics and update some of my other favorites: **

**Good Morning World (updated) **

**Perfect Girl (First Dramione fic) **

**Stay With Me (My fav Ron/Hermione) **

**Three Weeks Detention (Marauders. Humor. Duh) **

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**JUST A LITTLE HEADS UP: I may be adding small one shots of random Christy and Voldemort, annoying but hilarious conversations or crazy experiences. Things like, the discussion about the toaster. Why doesn't it come out just right? **

**Or Christy taking Voldemort out for Halloween. Or Christy prodding Voldie about his lack of love life. Things like this. **

**So if you care to see them soon, I'll start posting them up separately from this fic. So for those who have me on author alert, you'll get the posts.  
**

**Also, any ideas are welcome. This update was seriously lacking humor, so I had to reveal some secrets near the end that were meant for Chapter 25. **

**Ohhh, chapter 25 is approaching quickly. Her secret past will soon be revealed. **

**Also, I hate grammar. Exhibit A: This Fic. **


	21. Chapter 19 PART ONE

**OMG AN UPDATE? YES IT IS! **

**Okay, not really. The thing is I'm working on the update. It's only 15 pages long and it's still going. **

**BUT I have the first part of the chapter here for your viewing pleasure. **

**I hope it keeps you satisfied until I post the rest of the chapter. **

**Sorry for not updating, I know lots of you are still reviewing and PM-ing me for updates. **

**ENOUGH WITH THE HARRASEMENT, I'M WORKING ON THE UPDATE. **

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_**QUICK RE-CAP OF EVENTS **_

Christine has asked Draco for help to get Snape and Bella on a date. If those two fall in love then they'll be grateful to Christy and Draco, which means they'll also be indebted.

This way if Christy can conivince Bella and Snape to follow with her plan ALL of death eaters will do it too.

Right now it's the day before the big DATE.

Kim (Christy's best friend and Draco's Girfriend) is sick of Christy and Draco fighting...

Sooo she has them tied together until they can settle their differences.

RIGHT NOW VOLDEMORT WILL BE HEADING OFF TO A MUGGLE STORE.

ENJOY, I LOVE TOASTERS.

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**8 AM at Voldemort's Hideout. **

"You need to go."

He looked at me, "Why?"

I smiled, "Well it is your wand that's lost."

"It isn't _lost_ you threw it somewhere," Voldemort snarled.

"Now, now, let's not blame me for your stupidity."

He glared at me and then the paper I handed him, "What are..._Cheetohs?_"

"Oh, they're these orange cheesy chips."

"And why do I have to buy them?" he asked again.

"Well, you see...the person who's coming to help find your wand can be easily bribed with Cheetohs."

He gave me a skeptical look, "Why can't you go out to buy them."

"Not my wand," I shrugged.

"Fine," he barked.

**8:15 Kim ties me to Draco as punishment and for both of us to find a common ground. **

**8: 30 AM at Wal-mart. **

Voldemort looked around the crowded store. Why the hell were there so many people at Walmart at this time?

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you leave."

Voldemort looked to see a Security Guard beside him. "Why?" he asked.

"Well, you're scaring the customers," the Guard replied pointing at the group of Girl Scouts whimpering.

"I have to buy this," he lifted the bag of orange Cheetohs.

The Gaurd looked at the man covered in a black cloak/gown, that half covered his face, and wondered why he was buying Cheetohs. _Maybe he's gay? No, that can't be it..._

"How do I pay for this?" Voldemort asked breaking the Guard's thoughts.

"You can stand in any line for the cash register."

Voldemort looked around, "I am not standing in line for that long. Can't I just pay you?"

Guard shook his head, "I don't work at the store. You can try the self-check out."

Voldemort walked over to the self check-out machine. "Finally these muggles have invented soemthing good."

_Press start to begin._ Said the computer.

"Okay...start," he pressed the button.

_Please , scan item. _

Beep. Voldemort scanned the item.

_Please, scan item._

"I just did scan the item."

_Please, scan item. _

"I just did!"

_Please, scan item. _

"Okay, okay! I'll scan it again." Voldemort growled. Beep. Beep.

_Please, scan item. _

"What the bloody...I just SCANNED it!"

_Please, scan item. _

"Son of a- I'll scan you." Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. BEEEEEEPPP.

"There," Voldemort said, satisfied. "I scanned it."

_Press NEXT to continue the purchase of 32 bags of Cheetohs. _

Voldemort blinked and looked at the bag of Cheetohs in his hands. "I only have ONE bag."

_32 Items scanned. _

"I fucking scanned ONE ITEM!" Voldemort yelled.

_32 Items scanned. _

" I did not!"

_Did to. _

Voldemort looked at the machine. "Okay...I have to calm down. Cancel purchase. Cancel purchase." He pressed the button.

_Are sure you want to cancel purchase? _

"Yes, I'm sure."

_Cancel all 32 items? _

"Yes!" He waited a few more moments. "Okay, let's start this again." He pressed start and scanned it carefully.

_Place item in bag. _

"I don't want to," he said aloud. "It's only one bag."

_Place item in bag. _

"No, I can carry it," he said in irritation.

_Place item in bag. _

"When I get my wand I am going to fucking blow this thing UP!" He yelled.

_Place item in bag. _

Voldemort opened his mouth to swear again when he noticed everyone in the store staring at him.

"Uh, Hello. Just...purchasing a bag of these," he heled up his bag of Cheetohs.

Slowly everyone returned to what they were doing. Voldemort looked across from himself to see a six year old with his mother at the other self check-out machine.

"Mommy!! Can I do it?" the little boy asked.

She smiled, "Of course honey."

In a flash he finished purchasing 16 items.

"Wow, honey you're so good at this," the mother patted his head.

The little boy grinned, "It's okay, Mommy. Even a monkey can do it."

Together they walked out of the store. Voldemort stood there in disbelief. He looked back at this machine.

_Place item in bag. _

"Fuck, okay. Here it's in the bag! Happy now?" Voldemort practically screamed.

_Pay with dollar bill or coins in appropriate areas. _

He took a crumpled bill out of his pocket. He slid it in.

Whhiirrr. The bil came back out.

"What the?" He put the bill back through.

Whiirrr. It came out.

_Please pay now. _

"I'm trying! I'm trying!"

Whirrr.

_Please pay now. _

Whirrr.

_Take item out of bag, _

Whirrr.

"Wait...what?"

_Place item in bag. _

"You just told me to take it out!"

_I was kidding. _

"..." He blinked. "Is this really a machine?"

_Please pay now. _

Whirrr.

_Please pay now. _

Whirrr.

"AH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"

The Security Guard looked up. Beep. Beep. Beep.

He pulled out his walkie talkie. "I need back up in Wal-mart. A grown man dressed in a black dress is running out of the store without paying."

There was some static noise. "What is he stealing?"

The guard squinted as he tried to run after Voldemort, "Looks like...a bag of Cheetohs."

More static noise, "Backup will be right there."

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Kim answered the door. "Um...hello, officer?"

"Is he yours?" the Guard was hanging onto Voldemort by the neck of his cloak.

"Uh...yeah. I guess he is."

The tossed Voldemort through the door.

"Next time, Miss, make sure you buy the products."

Kim gave a fake smile, "Will do." She shut the door and looked at Voldemort.

"What?" he growled, "All I wanted was a bag of Cheetohs."

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Unfortunately, as fate should have it, I was still attached to Draco by the permanent rope. We had our wands, but no matter what spell I tried the silver rope would not break! I guess it really was permanent…

The only way it would come off is if the owner untied it… or if she died. "I can't kill Kim."

"What?" Draco snapped his head up and looked at me.

I realized I had said it out loud, "Never mind."

It had only been fifteen minutes and I was going out of my mind. You try being trapped to a blonde idiot.

"I guess we could always saw through it." I suggested.

He raised an eyebrow, "If none of the spells worked how could we saw through the rop-,"

"I wasn't talking about the rope." I cut him off.

He blinked as he realized what I meant, "You would saw off my hand?"

I smiled, "If it's the only way."

He drew back disgusted, "You wouldn't."

"It looks like the best option so far."

He sat silently in the bleak room. "Kim left the door open."

"And?" not seeing where he was going where with this.

"We could leave the room."

"And then what? We'd still be attached together." I pointed out. He remained silent, realizing I was right.

"She said we'd be trapped in here until we solved our problems," I began, "and you know what my problem is?"

"What?" he sighed.

"You."

He rolled his eyes, "Oh come on, you know you want me."

"Yeah I do." I said.

He blinked, clearly surprised. "You do?"

"Yeah, I want you to die."

"Oh, gee thanks," he rolled his eyes again.

"No problem."

Again the silence ensued. I sighed loudly, knowing it would annoy him. He simply ran his fingers through his blonde hair. It had grown considerably longer since last year, when I last saw him. The long hair, which fell just under his jaw, suited him, but I would never tell him that.

It was a good thing he wasn't particularly bright with Occlumency.

I gradually bored in the next five minutes and began humming a song. I gradually got to the point where I was singing it breathlessly.

"Hey, hey, you, you

I don't like your girlfriend.

Think you need a new one.

Hey, hey you –WHAT?" I looked incredulously at Draco who was now listening to me.

"I thought you were kidding when you said you wanted me," he said.

"I was! It's just a song – geez!" I grumbled, now I needed a new song to entertain myself. Maybe another Avril Lavigne song would do.

"You make me so hot  
Make me wanna drop

You're so fabulous  
_You're so good to me_ baby, baby- Malfoy stop staring at me!" I stopped singing.

"Are you talking about me?" he asked.

It was my turn to roll my eyes, "As if Malfoy."

Once again the air was replaced by a silence and then Draco spoke up, "Is the reason you hate me because-,"

"You're ugly? Yes, that's part of the reason. You're getting close."

"That's not what I was going to say," he muttered through gritted teeth. "Did you give me the silent treatment for three years because I insulted you that _one_ time!"

"And that one time was enough to last forever." I said. "You called me a mud-blood, I don't know how you expected me to react?"

"But I apologized!" he yelled.

"Really? Saying I'm sorry was going to make it ALL better? I don't think so Malfoy." I snapped back at him. "It wasn't just that, it's because you changed."

"I changed?" he said bitterly, "Really? How? Apparently you know me better than I know myself, so enlighten me Christine."

"You became your father."

His face dropped, the insistent drawl slipped off of his face as he glared at me. "Don't you dare-,"

"No. I will dare. Okay? I'm sick and tired of you pretending to be the better person." My voice was increasing in volume. "For the first 14 years I stayed with your family, you were the only one who gave a damn! I knew you were trying to fight off your 'Slytherin' ways and be kind to me – a mudblood, but apparently it was just an act."

"It wasn't an act. I was nice to you, I was your friend because I really did like you and I WAS trying to fight off my father's principles-,"

"Well you didn't try hard enough." I growled. "You had no reason to insult me that day."

"The words slipped out of my mouth!" he protested. "You were making me angry, I didn't mean to."

I stared back at him, "No matter how angry you were, nothing should've compelled you to call me a mud-blood. You were degrading me and putting yourself on a pedestal. It wasn't that one word that made me angry…it was everything."

"Everything is so much, how about you tell me specifically." He glared at me.

"You were planning on joining Voldemort, you were following in your father's footsteps, and you became prejudiced. I couldn't stand it. You weren't Draco anymore…you were an insufferable Malfoy."

We didn't speak after that, it was like the three years of silence.

"I have to go to the bathroom."

I looked at him, "You're kidding right?"

"I wish I was."

"Well," I said flustered, "what am I supposed to do about it? Hold it in!"

"I cant!" he griped back at me.

"Oh come on, be a man!" I yelled back. I pulled on the roped causing him to fall, which brought me down too. "She made this rope too small." I growled yanking at it.

"HEY!" he screamed as I pulled his arm. It went flying and hit my face. He looked at me dumbstruck as I gasped.

"You did that on purpose!"

"No way! It's your fault!" he argued.

"My fault?" I said incredulously, "You think I willingly slapped myself?"

"Well, it wasn't my fault. That's for sure." He turned away from me.

"I hate you." I whispered.

"Well, so do I." He mumbled.

"I'm not talking to you."

"Up yours, Christine!" he said.

I smiled, "Up what?"

"You know what I mean." Draco glared at me.

"Do I?" my grin grew. "I never was good at reading your mind, then again there isn't much in there."

"Oh fuck off."

"Getting a little angry?" and poked him.

He drew away from me, "Don't touch me."

I shrugged, "Okay." I put my finger an inch away from his shoulder.

"What are you doing?"

"Not touching you." I replied.

"Well stop it." He snapped.

"Okay. Poke. Poke. Pokie poke poke poke." I laughed as I began to poke his shoulder.

He drew his hands up to cover himself, "Stop! You're driving me crazy!"

I looked at him, "Me? How can I _drive_ you crazy? I don't have my license."

"Christine." He growled.

"Yes, that's my name don't wear it out."

His eyes flickered, "How can I wear a name?"

I stared at him, "Oh so now the tables have turned? But-,"

"Hey guys." Kim opened the door, "Made any progress?"

"Yes," I said quickly. "We've solved our differences and now we're good friends."

"We are?" he asked.

I kicked him in the shin, "Yes…we are." I said through gritted teeth.

"Ow!" he yelped.

Kim crossed her arms, "If you're such good friends, why'd you just kick him?"

"Because….it's a tradition we made up as kids. To show how much we like each other we kick the shin." I blinked. "Yeah?"

Draco grinned, "And just to prove how much I _**love**_ Christine, I'll demonstrate."

My smile dropped, "Oh, you really don't have to."

"But I insist, because we're _such _good friends." His wicked grin plastered his face.

"Ow! Ow! OW! I THINK SHE GETS THE POINT!"

He stopped, "So now do we believe we're friends? I can kick her other shin to prove it."

"I'd like to kick you in a special place," I said, "you son of a-," Kim's eyes grew wide, "-good mother…"

I grinned falsely and patted his back while trying to nurse my shin, "Because his mother is such a good person." Then I added in an undertone, "unlike his father."

"Um…okay you didn't really have to put up a show I was going to let you go because Voldemort's looking for you." Kim looked to me.

"Excellent." I grinned. "Now untie me from this buffoon."

"A buffoon? Look who's talking, you-,"

"Ahem." We turned our attention back to Kim. "You know if you keep this up I have a Chinese finger trap that can permanently bind you…and without magic too."

We made sure we were quiet after that.

The silver rope dissolved into a mist as soon as Kim's wand tapped it. I shook out my wrist glad I could move it.

"Finally!" Draco said happily. "Now I can do what I've been wanting too." He stretched out his fingers.

Kim and I exchanged disgusted expression, "Ugh, are you going to jerk off now?"

"No." he grumbled.

"Well, let's continue on shall we?" Kim smiled, showing her pearly whites and linking her arm into Draco's. I followed sullenly.

"So, where is Voldemort? I've been meaning to finally help him find his wand," I grinned.

Draco stepped away from us, "No way am I getting mixed up into this. If she wants to mess with him, she can do it alone. I'm going to go to my room and ….relax with my thoughts."

I snorted, "Do you use your left hand or your right hand for that?"

Kim supressed a giggle, "Christy!"

"Oh come on, it's not like he has THOUGHTS."

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"Where is she? Why isn't she here yet? I need that wand!" Voldemort was pacing the den angrily. He kept shooting angry glances at the television set, like it was kryptonite.

"I'm right here." I announced stepping into the room. Wormtail and Bellatrix were sitting anxiously on the couch. "What's the big emergency?"

"The big emergency? I want my wand, NOW!" Voldemort yelled.

"Whoa, easy there Tom. No need for a hissy fit. Besides the person who can help 'find' your wand, isn't going to be here for another hour." I shrugged.

They just stared at me. Is it me or is this whole charade just getting lamer by the minute? Seriously.

"Hey, how about we watch some T.V." I suggested. Not bothering for an answer I settled on the couch and the four of us watched….

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**OKAY, so the second part of this chapter I wrote like six months ago, so It iS pretty crappy. **

**Sorry for not updating. Like it said this is only the FIRST PART of the chapter. **

**I shall post the rest of this chapter in the upcoming weekend. **

**If you want me to update sooner, send in any ideas. Some reviewers have already sent in some ideas Soo, I will be making a WHOLE CHAPTER with just YOUR IDEAS. **

**Some reviewers have suggested having Voldemort's B-day cake with Harry popping out the middle, and other brilliant things. **

**It'll be an awesome chapter ( I'll post it after the Second half to this chapter I need Voldemort to find his wand) SOO please be sure to write in any wacky ideas. **

**Review, rate, or hate. All thoughts welcomed. **


	22. Chapter 19 PART TWO UPDATED FINALLY!

**CHAPTER NINETEEN **

**PART TWO**

"Where is she? Why isn t she here yet? I need that wand!" Voldemort was pacing the den angrily. He kept shooting angry glances at the television set, like it was kryptonite.

"I'm right here." I announced stepping into the room. Wormtail and Bellatrix were sitting anxiously on the couch. "What s the big emergency?"

"The big emergency? I want my wand, NOW!" Voldemort yelled.

"Whoa, easy there Tom. No need for a hissy fit. Besides the person who can help find your wand, isn t going to be here for another hour." I shrugged.

They just stared at me. Is it me or is this whole charade just getting lamer by the minute? Seriously.

"Hey, how about we watch some T.V." I suggested. Not bothering for an answer I settled on the couch and the four of us watched....

...A security footage tape.

"What the...?" Voldemort leaned over the couch. On the screen was a cloaked man snapping what looked like -, "MY WAND."

Yes, what looked like Voldemort's wand. The figure laughed manically and dropped it to the ground where there was already a dug hole. He waved his own wand and watched as the hole was refilled with dirt.

"When I find out who that is I will-," his mouth dropped as the figure dropped his hood to reveal long, luxurious blonde hair that only Lucius could possess. "MALFOY!" he growled.

Suddenly both Lucius and Draco apparated into the room. "Yes, Dark Lord, sir." Lucius bowed slightly.

"Don't stand there like you don't know what's going on. What is the meaning of this?" he gestured at the T.V.

"I believe it's a muggle device with moving pictures...oh." I had rewinded to the beginning and watched as Lucius saw himself comitting treason on the screen. "I assure you Sir that was NOT me."

I turned the volume up as the Lucius on the screen went up to the security camera and laughed. "Yes! I did it! Me! I broke your 'precious' little wand! Muhahahah...Yeah, now THAT is how you do an evil laugh Voldiesnorts!"

Everyone looked stunned and watched Voldemort's expression and Lucius' tremor. Even Snae had entered the room and was watching eagerly. He kept mouthing "Kill him" and pointing at Lucius.

"Uh...I...No-That wasn't me! It was an imposter!"

"Oh really?" I smiled fast fowarding to the next important clip.

Lucius was now running in circles around the hole in which he had buried the wand. "I, Lucius Malfoy, one of the most trusted death eaters did it! Me!"

Voldemort stood up seething, "Bellatrix hand me your wand."

"Well, I dont know....I mean I just got it polished and-,"

"HAND ME YOUR WAND!"

Bellatrix gulped and relinquished her wand. "I'll pray for you, Lucius."

"AVADA KADEVRA!" he aimed at Lucius. A bright green light emitted and powerful music began to fill the room, the lights began to dim so we could only see Lucius' horrorstruck face.

And...nothing.

"Hey! I'm still alive!" Lucius yelled.

"What the-," he looked down at Bellatrix' wand. "This is fake."

"What?!" She shrieked. "Where is MY wand?"

Suddenly Snape spoke up, "My wand is missing too...."

"Same here," Draco anounced as he turned over his empty pockets.

They all turned to me, "Where is it?"

_DING. DONG._

Saved by the bell. "Ah, that must be the mystery guest. She's here to help find the wands."

They glared at me, "Hey, look even my wand is missing." I showed them my empty pockets. "Do you honestly think I'd risk my own wand for a silly prank?"

This seemed to calm them down a bit, "So, hopefully she can help us find them. She's the best in the business when it comes to finding."

_DING. DONG. DING DONG. DING DING . _

_"_Who installed the annoying doorbell?"

Wormtail sheepishly raised his hairy hand in response.

I rolled my eyes and opened the door, "Dora! I'm so glad you good make it! And I see you brought Boots....the odd monkey who wears no pants but finds boots necessary."

I turned around, "Guys...I'd like you to meet _Dora the Explorer._"

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**This is the final half of the last chapter. Chapter 20 is being written soon....**

**Yes, I know! ITS BEEN A YEAR! Since the last update, but hey i got side tracked with grade 12 and now I'm in university. Excuses excuses. **

**Of course I'm always looking for ways to procrastinate and after following 14 shows, I remembered how much i hated when brilliant fanfics were never updated and then i realized i havent updated MY OWN in a while. **

**So, never fear chapter 20 will be up today. I dont even remember where i was going with this fic. **

**I'm skipping class to write this, so I'll head off to calculus and hopefully come back to reviews :) **

**While i was away forgetting about my fanfics this one reached 200 reviews! You guys are amazing, despite the death threats and the consistent "Update!" messages. **

**You know the drill, review even if you hated it :) and any ideas are welcome....and yes Dora the Explorer. Who could possibly be more annoying? Maybe Voldemort should see Bruno in an upcoming chapter....**


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